Enter Sam Man

Here's how I met Sam: It was Christmas break and all was well, though slightly uneventful. My friends invited me out one night to go watch a movie or two to get into the Christmas spirit. I knew everyone there, they were all from my singles ward at home, but then Frank (remember him from forever ago?) showed up with Sam. Here is a guy who, as it turns out, goes to BYUI and served in the same mission as Frank. His family recently moved to the area and Frank decided to help him get to know some people while he was home, even though he's heading back to Rexburg in January.

We hit it off, joked around a bit, and became friends. I have to admit that dating wasn't on my radar that night; I was simply enjoying the company of sone friends. I didn't think anything of it when Sam friend requested me on Facebook a couple days later. That's what our generation does, right? We meet someone and then we Facebook friend them and stalk their page so we can learn everything we know about them.
The day after Christmas Sam popped up on my FB chat asking about my holiday (which was great, by the way). He eventually said, "My Internet is really crappy. Would you mind if we texted instead?" That sly dog.

By texting Sam meant talking ALL NIGHT. If I didn't respond to a text within ten minutes, he sent another one. He kept working things like, "you are going to make some guy very lucky one day" and "you are too cute to have not attracted a guy yet. And you have cute winks" and "1-100 what are my chances?" This kind of forwardness makes me a little uncomfortable and awkward. He's a nice guy, so I didn't want to shoot him down, but geeze Louise! Don't you think that's a little bit of overkill? Not to mention Frank let it slip to me that Sam just recently got out of a relationship. Rebound much?

He asked me out to dinner and I said yes. It's only fair to give him a chance, particularly because we do get along really well.  You never know what could happenen.  At this point I'm not seeking anything out, but I'm not opposed to it.

#TwitterDate

Let's be honest, I like to flirt.  I also really like Twitter.  It only makes sense that I really like flirting ON Twitter.  With the cold weather hitting, I posted a few times about accepting applications for a cuddle buddy.  It started out as kind of a joke, but let's face it, who couldn't use a cuddle buddy in the winter?  Or all the time?  I am always down for a good cuddle.

Enter Joseph.  Here's a fun, good-looking guy who started retweeting all of my cuddle buddy tweets.  So, because I like Twitter, flirting, AND cute boys, I started flirting a bit with him, telling him to submit an application.  It was refreshing to just relax and have fun talking to this guy, you have no idea.  To say that this semester has put a few stumbling blocks in my path would be an understatement.  This ended up as a great escape, something that could simply be fun and void of stress.  It's about TIME, Universe.  Sheesh.

Things escalated rapidly and, because of the impending doom of winter and the fact that I really have nothing to lose, I told Joseph to go ahead, name a time and place and I'd be there.  Apparently Joseph had nothing to lose, either, because it totally happened.  Yes, you read that correct, I went on a date with the dashing Joseph Struhs. 

There were a few moments when I was sitting in the Cocoa Bean waiting for him to show up and I thought, "What if he wasn't serious?  What if he stands me up?"  But the feeling didn't stick around very long; he didn't stand me up.  When Joseph walked through the door, I had a split second to decide whether or not I was going to wave, smile, or sit and do nothing and let him figure out who I was.  I smiled.  He walked over and I awkwardly stood up to shake his hand.

You know, I don't think of myself as an awkward person, but sometimes I feel like I get overwhelmed by awkward situations and I simply can't escape them.  I had a million thoughts going through my head at that moment, wondering if I was making a decent first impression, should I pick my coat up from the chair, what drink do I want?  I get so anxious in these awkward moments that I take on the attributes of awkwardness.  Hopefully it wasn't too transparent that I felt that way...

The date was kind of a blur beyond that.  He was really nice, we have a lot of things in common.  I'm fairly certain we could easily share our music collections and like a lot of what the other has.  I mean, how can you go wrong with a guy who loves Mumford and Sons as much as I do?  Psh, c'mon, Joseph.  We jive too easily.

We're going to make dinner together sometime soon.  Turns out we have a mutual friend and all three of us love to eat, so it's perfect!  I think it's safe to say that this Twitter date was pretty successful.

Cheers!

All Smiles

This weekend I went on a date.

I didn't know him very well, it's been kind of random the interaction we've had.  We talked in the library, we've exchanged a few texts over the past couple months, I all but forgot he exists.  His name is Kirk, he's from the area I'm from, but I never knew him back home.  I was feeling bored this weekend, as was he, so we decided to get together and spend time together for the first time pretty much ever.  I think I was more nervous for this than my date with Aaron, though I had more to be nervous about with him.  I can't really explain it other than I was excited and nervous and anxious for the date to happen.

When he picked me up, we went to G's Dairy and got ice cream before heading to Smith park to toss the frisbee around and talk a bit.  I've said it before, but there's nothing wrong with going to the park on a date.  I've been to them a lot recently and it's been kind of nice doing something lowkey as a first date rather than something overly planned like dinner, then a movie, then hanging out at someone's apartment, then going on a walk before saying goodnight.  It's great to have a whole day date, fellas, but maybe not until you really know the girl.  First date?  Remember to just KISS.  No, not plant one on her, I mean Keep It Simple, Stupid.  Don't over plan a first date.

Alas, I digress...  Back to Kirk and Smith park.  It was really fun.  We ate our ice cream and talked about our families and our hobbies.  I felt like family came up more than usual and I kept finding myself telling story after story about my parents.  Weird, but kind of nice.  My parents are the bomb, I love them.  It was so easy to laugh and get to know Kirk better.  His questions for me were interesting and things I hadn't ever really thought about.  I found myself telling him things I don't normally bring up on a first date.  Occasionally our hands would brush and I felt a surge of butterflies rip through my stomach.  It was such a perfect day, you have no idea.

After a couple hours he took me home and asked if he could walk me to the door and insisted that he get the car door for me (I love that.  I'm a sucker for a gentleman.)  When we got to my front door he gave me a good, slightly lingering hug, and said, "I had a really good time with you.  I'd like to see you again, maybe this next week.  May I call or text you?"  Of course, Kirk.  You may call on me as much as you like!

Shortly after he left I got a text message from him telling me again that he enjoyed our time together.  Que more butterflies.

Some of you may pause and beg the question, "What about Jake?  What about Aaron?"  I haven't spoken to Aaron in over a week.  He's dropped off the face of the planet.  He reads this blog (or does on occasion) so he should be aware that I don't know what his deal is, what he wants out of this, whether or not he just wanted to make out with someone or if he was genuinely interested in a relationship.  Either way, I'm not going to go out of my way to make something work with someone who doesn't return the favor.  Sorry, Aaron.  You're a good guy, I'm sure you'll find an awesome girl you can't get enough of.

I decided this past week that I'm not going to even lead Jake on a little bit anymore.  He's got too much baggage going on, I don't even want to attempt to deal with that.  He needs more time to get over his divorce, he needs to not cling to the first (okay, second) girl that comes along.  There's a girl out there for him, she's just not me.

I'm not banking on anything happening with Kirk.   I'm interested, though.  He's very...normal.  Interesting, but normal.  I like normal.  It's a good thing.  We'll see!

FHE Bros: Hands on or hands off?

Remember that time I mentioned the date last semester that I wasn't really excited for?  Yeah, it was a disaster.    Not only did he insist we walk to the Rick's building in the wind and cold around 6pm without dinner, he sat me down at a piano and serenaded me with primary songs he wrote.  And then he insisted that we do our coloring activity for about three hours.  I wanted to die.

After the date was finally over, he sent me at least one text every day for the next week.  I didn't want to be overly friendly and lead him on, so I only responded half the time.  I felt bad, but this guy was really coming on strong.  It was made extra awkward because he was my FHE brother.

Here's my question: is it taboo to pursue someone in your FHE group?

I'm torn.  I know what it's like to be on both ends, being pursued and being the pursuer.  As you just read, being pursued just made things awkward and uncomfortable.  Pursing never lead to anything except a really solid friendships.

Now that I have an FHE group that isn't overly dominated by girls (there are more guys in my ward that girls.  This is a first!) we have one guy apartment and one girl apartment and the playing field is level.  Plus, at least four of the guys are really attractive and pretty funny.  I haven't developed any crushes yet, but they've peaked my interest.

But is it or is it not kosher to be into an FHE brother?  I still don't know.  At this point, I'm hoping it is...

Why boys and girls can't be friends.

I promised that I would write more and, although I already wrote a post today, I felt as though I needed to write another one.  A venting one.

I don't think I've ever really explained who Aiden is.  He's my best friend.  He got back from his mission in 2010 and, conveniently, lives just a couple blocks from my parents house.  I don't remember becoming good friends with him before his mission, but we did hang out a bit.  Aiden is older than me by several years, but he's cursed, so he says, with a look of youth and handsome features.  I was teenager when I first met him and consequently I was dazzled, like most girls are, when they meet him.  The crush died pretty quickly and has never threatened to return.

Since Aiden got back from his mish, we've become really close.  I spent a lot of my time back at home over at his house watching movies and tv shows in his room.  I'd often fall asleep on his bed (it was like sleeping in my brother's bed, don't freak out), wake up at 5am, then drive home in a daze to sleep a couple hours in my bed.  He vented to me about his frustrations with the girl he was pursuing and I'd tell him what guy I was into.  I once told him about my escapades with Daniel, but he doesn't like Daniel much, so I quickly learned to not mention it at all.

This semester he's out here in Idaho and it's been such a joy having him around.  I was a little nervous to have him out here, since last Fall I think he went a little crazy without me at home and bugged the crap out of me.  I told him I liked Isaac and he flew off the handle, telling me that I don't know what kind of guy I need, that I don't need to go for quirky guys because I'm quirky enough.  It pissed me off, especially because he doesn't know the guy at all.  I still really like Isaac as a friend, so I'm still offended that he would act that way about someone I felt a lot about.  But whatevs, I know that Aiden likes to talk about himself, he's not big on other people's issues.  Point is, I was nervous to be around him all the time, but it turns out that it's not so bad.  He's actually a lot of fun up here.  And he has a couple really cute roommates...and, just a side note, but relevant to the blog, I kissed him just about a week ago.  We went out to dinner with friends and I ended up giving him a peck on a dare.  For the rest of the night I felt a little confused about it, but then I got over it. I won't be kissing Aiden again.  Now to get him to quit bringing up the kiss...

Unfortunately, the shiz hit the fan and we haven't spoken since Thursday.  Why?  Because, out of all the girls at BYU-Idaho Aiden decided that he wanted to pursue my roommate, Bianca.  Why should that be such a tragic thing, you ask?  Because I don't really like her.  I've posted about the roommates that I have who go on dates every day and the post about THAT girl was about Bianca.  That doesn't even begin to cover the personal issues I have with her, though.  When I liked Isaac, she would make sure she'd sit on the couch next to him, sharing a blanket even though she knew I really liked him.  She'd makeout with a different guy every night.  She'd dress like a skank with her boobs hanging out but wonder why she never had a steady boyfriend.  It was frustrating seeing someone like her getting dates with really nice guys, only for her to use them and trash them.  Outside the relm of boys and dating, I rather like Bianca.  She's nice and funny.  But those personal issues I expressed to Aiden before he ever met her.  First thing he said to me after he met her was, "She's not even that cute, I don't get what boys see in her."

Aiden is a man and thus is subject to the allure of Bianca, which no man who's stepped foot into our apartment can resist.  He fell for her tricks and took her on several dates last week, despite knowing that I don't approve.  When he finally stopped ditching me and we hung out, I was fuming mad.  In my opinion, I'm not in the wrong for feeling this way, but I feel betrayed.  I feel as though it was completely disrespectful to me, his best friend, and my feelings that I confided in him for him to run off and decide to date my whorish roommate.  I told him what I had to say, how I felt about what he was doing, and he didn't have much of a response (although he did try to compare it to how he felt about Isaac, but that was different; I have a relationship with this girl.  I have to live with her) and we haven't spoken since.

It's so frustrating.  I hate drama.  My mom says that my relationship with Aiden is unhealthy, so this is a good opportunity to distance myself from him.  I kind of agree, but all the same, I'm losing a dear friend and it sucks.

Bianca is a whore.

We keep going round...

Side note, Daniel got engaged last week.  Weird?  Weird.  I'm happy for him, though.  The kid is hilarious and handsome and deserves all the happiness in the world.  My best wishes to Daniel and his beautiful bride-to-be!

After a weekend of not talking, Wade and I talked on the phone again about what it is that we're doing.  I feel like we just had this talk, but apparently we didn't say everything that needed to be said.  Here's a pretty basic version of what was said:

Leslie:  Wade, things are different and you can't blame it all on being busy.  Either you need to start communicating to me what's going on or you need to tell me that this is too much for you so I can forget about you and really move on.
Wade:  I'm not ignoring you on purpose, I've been busy, I don't know what to do about this.  At all.  I guess I decided to take some time to think about things, I just didn't know what to say to you.
Leslie: You have to do something.  I'm not going to sit around and wait.  And if you need time, tell me, don't just take it.  It sucks to be on this end, where I don't know anything.
Wade:  I know.  I just don't want to hurt you, or the girl that lives here that asked me out.  It would be easier to date her, but I want to date you, but you live forever far away.  I just don't know what to do.
Leslie:  Do what will make you happiest, someone will get hurt less now than later down the line.  Seriously consider visiting Idaho.  Really, really think about it.  In the meantime, don't shut me out.  We like each other because we enjoy talking to each other, so if you let fear creep in, we'll lose that and essentially lose everything.
Wade:  I'll consider it, really.  Don't write me off, keep me as an option.  Don't limit yourself, but don't write me off.  I need to figure some things out, but I think about you a lot and I want to stay in the running.  Thanks for calling me out.

That was basically it.  It went more in depth and I feel as though he told me more about how he's feeling about the situation and why he's so mixed up.  I also told him a lot of my frustration with everything and why I don't want to just wait around.  I'm fine with him going on dates with other girls, I fully intend to date around this semester, but if he's got intentions of actually dating that girl, he needs to tell me.  I don't want to have another Tyson situation happen.  Wade said he doesn't want to be like Tyson, that I deserve so much more than that.  I hope he lives up to what he said.

For now I'm not holding my breath, but I'm not giving up on Wade just yet.  Something about him makes me think that something really good could still come from this.  We'll see, I s'pose.

Hey Rexburg, I'm back.

After a refreshing two weeks at home, I'm back in The Burg for another go at the dating scene up here.  Okay, I'm might also be up here for school, too.

Winter time is a time for snuggling and watching movies.  It's a time for snowball fights that end with kisses.  It's a time for love to begin.  I'm starting the semester off with high hopes, especially since all the wards got rearranged and now the girl to guy ratio in my new ward is more guys than girls.  Isaac is now in my ward...that could be interesting.  But you know what, I hardly even think of the guy.  Yeah, we're still friends, but I can now see why Aiden (who is now up at BYUI...yay!) is so opposed to my liking him.  Isaac is a good guy, but he's a little too feminine for me.

Wade is still around.  We had a bit of a DTR recently, which resulted in us deciding that we aren't going to become anything until we see each other.  We'll keep our options open and date around, but we'll still talk to each other.  I'm hoping he comes to visit sooner rather than later.  I wouldn't mind seeing if that could really go somewhere.  For the time being, I'll be patient and keep my eyes open while I'm in Rexburg.

All in all, I'm glad to be back.

I can't help falling

Here I am, nearly two weeks after texting Wade for the first time since the summer.  We've talked every single day since then, with the length of time continuing to get longer, and longer.  Last night we skyped for two hours and then texted for another two hours.  My sleeping habits have gone out the window, just in time for finals.

What does it even mean, though?  Here is a guy who lives hundreds of miles away from me, who has his own plan for his life and as of right now, it doesn't include me.  I've got my own plans, which will keep me here in Idaho for another year and a half at the very least.  I don't want to do long distance.  Even the thought of it makes me want to throw up and then curl up in a corner and cry.

I'm the kind of girl who wants to be held.  I want to hold hands and go places together and kiss him whenever I want.  I've done long distance before and it's so hard.  I don't want that with Wade.  If he and I were to date, I'd want to relocate, or bring him out to Idaho.  I'd want it to happen instantly, not sometime down the road.  I don't want to wait.  I'm ready for something real.

I'm ready to leave Tyson and fear behind.  I'm ready to fall in love.  Bring it, Wade.  Continue to make me fall. We can make this work.

Back to Wade

This has been a week full of skype dates and phone calls.  Apparently what BYU-Idaho has to offer just isn't enough for me.

Matilda is such a good friend.  Not having her in Idaho is probably the worst thing about being at school right now (followed closely by the -3 degree weather we had this past week.)  But we still talk and keep each other updated on our lives.  Somehow, from thousands of miles away, she still manages to be my wingman.

At this point, I'm not sure whether or not I'm going to let myself really feel for Wade, since I know from past experience that he can get freaked out easily.  And, truth be told, I'm still a little scared to open myself up to him.  I don't want to have a repeat situation of Tyson.  It's been a long time since I've even talked to Tyson, but it still scares me to death that someone, like Wade, is going to make his way into my heart and head but then leave.  It's terrifying.  But I've really got nothing to lose, so I might as well give it a shot.

Here goes nothin'.  Wish me luck.

Oh geeze

Last night I was super bored and a little down about Isaac and his new squeeze.  I texted Wade for the first time since August with a casual, "It's been awhile, how's it hangin'?" type text.  Now we have a skype date this weekend.  I have to admit, putting myself out there every now and then feels pretty good.  All I had to do was shoot him a simple text and he did the rest of the work for me.  Why does he have to live in another state?

In other news, my roommates are whores.  Seriously, I've never met girls who've made out with 10+ guys in one semester.  I'm puzzled as to how one can feel satisfied with that.  Making out is fun, I completely understand that (um, hello, remember Daniel?) but isn't one guy enough?  Doesn't it get old after awhile?  Don't you want something with more commitment than just a night or two of cuddling and kissing?  Every week they put me to shame, causing me to question whether or not I have any claim at all in calling this blog Confessions of a Mormon Skank.  Maybe I ought to invite them to be guest bloggers...

Kickin' it in the friend zone

After a long battle with myself over what to do about Isaac, I came to an epiphany today.

Isaac is over the girl he was chasing for a while.  He's got his sight set on someone new already.  He's gaining confidence as far as asking girls out, so it's not like he's hiding behind his fear of rejection anymore.  What does this mean for me?  He's not chasing me.  He's not trying to take me out on a date.  Despite inviting me over to watch movies, he's not coming onto me in a romantic way, it's purely friendship.

What do I stand to gain from telling him that I've been harboring this crush pretty much since I met him?  At this point, nothing.  At this point, I'm so far in the friend zone that telling him I like him would be the equivalent of strapping a bomb to myself and walking over to his apartment to detonate.  It would be a willing destruction of his view of me and my integrity as a woman,

Am I going to tell Isaac that I've been jonesing for his affection these past couple months?  No.  I'm going to wait it out.  I'm going to be the friend that's by his side, supporting him and making him laugh.  I'm going to be the perfect best friend.  If he realizes that I like him, good for him, maybe then we can date.  If he doesn't, oh well.

The point is, I'm worth more than blurting out my feelings for someone just to get a chance when they didn't even notice me before.  I shouldn't have to shout my affections from the rooftop just to be recognized as a player in the game.  If he's smart, he'll realize that I'm one of the best things to ever happen to him.  If he's not, that he'll miss out on something great and I'll end up with someone who's worth my time.

I am Leslie.  I'm worth a guy's full attention.  Let's face it, I'm a pretty rad girl.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRISG6pZIoc&ob=av2e

A Man's Man

I borrowed this from Urban Dictionary to help you get the feel for what I'm trying to get at.

Who is the Man's Man? He's the real class act. He always shaves and wears clothes that fit. He's worldly, educated, and a gentleman. He thinks that buttoned shirts are not just for special occasions and that newspapers have more than one section. While he is polite, he is not a pushover. He will swear when he needs to, but will try to control his temper. He can handle his liquor and keeps himself in shape. Most importantly, he will admit his faults and errors, because that is what real men do.  For these reasons, women want him and men want to be him.


This is what I want (minus the drinking and swearing).  This is what I need.  I need a guy who is going to be a gentleman.  I need a guy who is going to be suave, but mysterious.  I need a guy who's going to crush spiders and change the oil.  I need a guy who's going to watch Saving Private Ryan but get a little misty eyed while doing so.  I need a guy who isn't afraid to be a man, but to balance that out with a softer side.  


Too many of the guys I know are too much of one extreme, either too feminine or too manly.  There's a balance that works and this is where you find the Man's Man.  He's the kind of guy who'll take me on a date dirt biking followed by a lovely dinner at his apartment that we cook together.  I need a guy who'll comfort me when I'm upset, but also someone who'll defend my honor at any cost.  Does that make sense?  


I really need a manly guy.  A manly guy I can hold a long conversation about nothing, or everything, with.  A manly guy who can take care of me and be humble enough to admit that sometimes he needs to be taken care of.  

Today was the day I was going to give Aaron my number and leave the ball in his court.  Unfortunately, he didn't show for class.  I was all ready, I'd given myself a pep talk beforehand, and he didn't show.  Just my luck.  Is this a sign that I ought to just give up?  Maybe.

The only other guy I'm remotely interested in is always surrounded by swarms of girls and my roommate had no problem throwing herself at him over the weekend.  Blah, frustration.

Are you diggin' on me? Cause I'm diggin' on you

There's a guy in one of my classes that I'm completely diggin' on.  His name is Aaron.  We sit by each other and we joke and flirt practically the whole lesson.  I find this kid incredibly attractive, in a sort of dorky way.  I dig dorky guys.  And I like the sweaters he wears.  I really want to spend time with him outside of class, but that requires exchanging number and getting him to ask me to do something.

I've made the decision this semester that I don't want to be the one to ask for someone's number.  I don't want to be that kind of girl.  It's just so hard at BYU-Idaho, where there's a plethora of girls who have no problem being that girl!  I was with a friend last night and he said, "Girls asking boys on dates?  Yeah, that's weird."  I'm terrified of meeting someone I really want to get to know, not being patient, then screw everything up by being too forward.

So here's the deal with Aaron.  I called up Aiden and asked him his advice on how to get Aaron to ask for my number.  Aiden said I need to come up with some sort of activity, but one without a set date.  I'm supposed to invite him to the activity and hopefully he'll offer up his number or ask for mine.  I'm not convinced it's going to work, but I'm think I'm going to try it.  It's a round-about way of getting the kid's number without being one of those pushy, forward girls.

Playing the BYUI Dating Game

BYU-Idaho has the reputation for having way more girls than guys.  The ratio was something like 3:1 when I started school here.  Despite rumors that it's more like 1.5:1 now, I don't believe it's gotten any better.  Nearly every class I have is overfilled with marriage hungry girls, claiming to be spinsters at age nineteen.

I don't know if it's just the actual ratio of girls to guys, but I feel as though the whole dating atmosphere here is a giant game of which-girl-can-be-more-aggressive.  Let's face it, if you aren't the type of girl to go hunt down the unwed men in your classes and practically force yourself on them, you're chances of happening upon a friendship with a male who is unattached is slim.  Part of that, however, I believe is attributed to the guys, but I'll touch on that later.

My mother taught me while growing up that women weren't meant to pursue.  She told me that I needed to calm the heck down, back off the poor boys, let them man up and come to me.  I've never been able to get the hang of that.  I am a go-getter.  I see something (or someone) I want and I get poised into attack mode...until I sense competition.  As soon as another girl steps into the picture, I lose all motivation.  I don't want to compete with another girl, I don't want to have to play the one-up game, I would rather not get the guy and fall to the way-side rather than compete.  Part of that is because I've lost many times to "the other girl", part of that is because suddenly it's not fun anymore, the chase loses all appeal.

Something about pursing a guy is intriguing.  It's fun to be flirty and silly and giddy.  It's fun to tease and be interesting to him.  But still, it's not fun to try and be the better girl.  I want a guy to like me for me and have him pick me over all the other girls, not because I was trying, but because he genuinely likes me.  I don't really think that's unreasonable.

That being said, I do feel like being here in Idaho is a better dating scene for me.  I don't want to get caught up in those competitions, though.  I want to be able to have fun and go out on dates and enjoy the company of men without having to worry about whether or not I'm impressing them more than the other girl they were just talking to.  It's exhausting.

Now, boys, here's some advice to you:  BE A MAN.  Take the lead, ask that cute girl in your class out even if you've only seen her from across the room.  Do cheesy things like passing notes or using silly pick up lines.  Although cheesy, we girls live for those kinds of things.  We write them down in our journals and text ALL of our girlfriends about them.

Just because the girls here at BYUI are cutthroat doesn't mean you should slack off in your duties as a male.  Don't get lazy and think, "Why should I ask girls out when there are so many throwing themselves at me?"  We're doing it only because we want to get to you before the other girl does.  I'm sure you'll have better luck dating if you're the one singling out the girls you want to get to know rather than only meeting and dating the girls who jump into your path with their marriage bell blaring.

In review....
Girls:  Stop being so aggressive!  Let things happen, be friendly, be cute, be flirty.
Boys:  Be a man.  Ask a lady you think is cute out.

An attempt at dating

There's this guy from the same YSA ward as Tyson and Daniel named Peter who asked me out about a month ago.  He wanted to take me out to this taco place after institute, but it was closed.  Instead we went to a BBQ place and ate and talked.  Peter is really funny.  Like, hilarious.  I couldn't keep a smile off my face because this dude was constantly saying smart things that made me crack up.  All in all, it was really fun.  I enjoyed it.  We followed up the date with another one the following week to go see the movie Captain America.  I liked the movie, he totally wanted me to hold his hand, and he totally wanted to kiss me at the end of the night.  But we did neither.

So what's the problem with Peter?  Nothing really, expect I think of him as a good friend, someone I like to spend time with but not someone I'm tempted to kiss or hold hands with.  Maybe it's his beard, maybe it's that I don't know him very well, or maybe it's even that I want someone who has the guts to actually hold me hand or kiss me, not someone who will hint at it but waits for me to make the move.  I don't want to make the move, I want a man who'll show me he wants something by asking me out on a date and the kissing me on my front door step.  Doesn't the saying go "It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission"?   What's with all these pansy boys who won't go in for the kill?  I refuse to give in to that laziness.  If I'm on a second (or third or fourth etc) date with you, the thought of kissing you has definitely crossed my mind.

Despite having so much fun with Peter when we go out, I've realized that I'm also sad when we're together and he's asking me to feel how cold his hands are or he's leaning his head on my shoulder.  I'm sad because I'm not into him and I don't feel that connection even though I really want to.  I don't want to feel alone anymore.  I think I'm still looking for someone who made me feel the way Tyson did and I don't know if I can be happy with anything less than that.  I trusted him so much...