It has been nearly a month since the kiss. The two weeks that followed the kiss was torture. My mind was basically a war zone, attacking itself at every turn, turning small moments of quiet into gigantic, pregnant pauses. I felt overwhelmed with anxiety. Seriously, overthinking things is not healthy. I'm the queen at overthinking.
It was a week and a half later when Colton and I got together to watch a movie. I went over to his apartment and sat on the far end of the couch. I didn't want him to think I was turning that one kiss into him wanting to get back together. My mother's words kept ringing in the back of my mind "Let him come get you." Toward the end of the movie I shifted and he offered to allow me to stretch my legs out across his lap. This resulted in a foot rub. Okay, you've got to know that I do not like having my feet touched. I've never gotten a pedicure. But Colton rubbing my feet was divine. It was innocent in a way, yet it was also sensual. Yeah, we ended up making out.
Kissing was followed by some really, really great cuddling. We were on the brink of falling asleep on the couch when I mustered up the courage to ask the question that had been eating away at me, "Colton, is this happening because you're lonely and horny, or do you really miss me?" It was silent for a moment before he sighed and said, "I miss you. I mean, I'm lonely and it does feel really nice to be close to someone, but I miss this." I started off on a rant about how I'm okay if it's just a hook up thing, but that I need to know so I can make sure that I put whatever feelings I still have for him on lock. His response was an immediate, "No no no, don't bottle up any feelings. That's not good." And then we put the conversation on pause and I went home.
The fact that we had paused the conversation that would make or break us drove me crazy. I was desperate to finish the conversation and know what our fate is. I couldn't sleep because overthinking was all I could do. Finally on a Monday I told him we had to talk, I couldn't stand another day. He had plans after work, so we arranged a phone call instead. We started talking and he said, "Well, I've been on some dates since we broke up and they made me think about what I want in someone and what qualities are important to me. You have those qualities. I'd like to give us another try and see where it goes. If you want to, I mean."
I'm gonna pause this story here for now. Next up: the battle between my heart and my head.