Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Small Town Provo

Provo is too small of a town, and that's coming from someone who went to school in Rexburg. How is it that I spent all that time in Idaho and had very few awkward run-ins, but now that I'm in Provo, I seem to be seeing the same guys everywhere?? I think I may have gotten around more than I intended...

For example, just the other day I went to Sodalicious (Dirty Diet Coke: my summer addiction) and I saw Milo sitting at a table with a girl. I don't think he saw me. Even if he did, he was being too hipster to acknowledge me. Judging by his unkempt beard and cut off Boy Scout shorts, I dodged a bullet. But seriously, out of all the people in Provo, HE is the one at Sodalicious? Well played, fate, well played.

Another example: Elliot and I got together last night before FHE (yay!). We went on a run around south of campus and stopped by his work to do a few things before going out to run again. Now, normally I wouldn't let a guy see me sweat and get all red in the face and reveal that yes, it's true: I'm a giant wimp, but I felt like it would be fun and I really wanted to see Elliot! I don't feel bad or awkward about revealing my extreme red workout face to him because we had a good time. After we finished running (three miles! Go us!) we ended up at his apartment. We decided to bake something and watch a couple episodes of a TV show together. Mostly we ended up talking, though. He told me how his roommates are all engaged and too busy to spend time with him. After he said that I took a look at the numerous engagement photos on his fridge, which he said were all his roommates. I noticed one picture in particular and I almost laughed out loud. Elliot is roommates with Landon!  He thought it was funny that Landon and I had gone on some dates and he admitted that Landon never told Elliot he had tried using tinder. It was a mixture of super awkward and really funny.

This town is way too small.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Pouring Pt 3

It's really easy to fall into a routine of not blogging. Consequently I've fallen behind in my stories and I have some things to catch you up on, but it's so exhausting to write it all out and cover territory that is now old news to me. So let's cover some ground quickly...

I met a guy at Comicon who got my phone number and we texted for a bit and he came to my birthday dinner, but nothing ever came of it and I think he just likes to flirt. I was excited about him for a little bit, but the spark faded quickly. Bummer, right? Oh well, life moves on.

I've moved out of my old apartment and into my own place. While I enjoyed my time in my old apartment, I'm really happy to be living alone. Some people do better with roommates, I'm just not one of them. I thrive in my own space. Now I have a whole apartment that is my space (see what I did there?). It's glorious. Yay for being an adult!

A little over a week ago I went to dinner with a guy I met on the LDS dating site. His name is Elliot and he is super smart, but not in an intimidating way. He's relaxed and open and friendly. I had a really good time on the date and he seemed to have a good time, too. During our conversation we ended up touching on some pretty sensitive subjects for me and him as well, all just personal matters, and it was nice to talk to someone who listened and had a kind, intelligent, spiritual response. Elliot is the kind of guy who makes me want to be a better person. He doesn't watch R rated movies, but he's not a total Peter Priesthood. 

Will I see Elliot again? I hope so. We talked about different things we want to do to work out and he mentioned that it would be fun to do something together. I suggested we do insanity and he was all "I'm game" but I wasn't serious. I've got some work to do before I hit up insanity. But hey, it's a good sign that he wants to do something with me! 

It feels like summertime and it feels like I'm getting my ducks in a row. Good things are going to happen this summer, just you wait.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Adult Things

I'll tell you this: once you become an adult and you have to start being responsible for things you didn't think about before (like insurance, gas bills, and getting enough sleep to function), life becomes pretty hectic. I feel like I've been going around in this circle of go to work, get obligations taken care of, get in bed early, repeat. I'm EXHAUSTED.

I've been in the process of moving, which is always a pain. There's the packing, the cleaning, the throwing things away, the selling of contracts, the apartment hunting...all this is on top of still keeping up the adult schedule of working and being responsible. BUT I'm aaaaalmost done. After next week I'll be all moved into my very own apartment. No roommates, no college apartment complex...all that craziness is going to be a thing of the past. I can't tell you just how excited I am.

I'm also excited to be able to make my own rules when it comes to having guys over at the apartment. Sure, I haven't had any big issues and I'm not really opposed to BYU's honor code rules, but it's still nice to not feel like a child. I'm a twenty five year old woman. I think I can make the decision of whether or not I have a guy in my room or  over past midnight.

So I might end up having a sleepover with a guy, but that doesn't mean I'm going to end up having sex or being wildly inappropriate. No, I think I can handle myself. For a while there I don't think living alone would have been the best thing for me, on account of the increasing amount of gentlemen callers and rather high libido...it's all good now, though! I've had my wild "makeout with every guy in Provo" stint. I can keep it in my pants and maintain my boundaries.

So the big move happens soon. I'll officially be an adult who does adult things. My dad hopes the next adult thing I do is get married, but seeing as my track record on the search for marital bliss has been less than stellar, I'll probably just end up adopting first. A cat, that is. ;)

The next time I post, it'll be from my new sanctuary. Wish me luck!

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Pouring Pt 2

I have that whole confusing thing with Ethan going on now, right? I don't really want to DTR with him because I don't want him to say we're exclusive, but at the same time I'm 99% sure he wouldn't say that because that's not really who he is. So we're pseudo dating and since it's only pseudo, I'm not going to stop flirting and going on dates.

A couple weeks ago I was asked out by two different guys online. On paper, both of them sounded great. We carried on great conversation via message with one and on the phone with the other. All of the sudden it felt like I was doing the right thing by looking around online.

Guy #1 was the one who wanted to call me and we enjoyed a really great conversation. He was funny and a little weird and we had so much in common. He asked if he could take me out to lunch the following week and I consented, though I was bummed that it wasn't for another couple days.

Guy #2 asked me out for that week as well, for lunch the day after Guy #1. It was going to be a busy week! When Tuesday arrived I went into work early to make sure I'd be done on time for my date with guy #1. When I got home I texted him to ask if we were still on and he informed me that he had a last minute rehearsal for a theater group he's in and he couldn't go. We rescheduled for the following week and, in my disappointment, I resigned myself to bed for a long nap.

Yeah, we never went out. He told me the following week, only momentarily before our date, that he started dating someone else. He went on and on about how it happened and how he was sorry he didn't tell me sooner and that I'm awesome. Whatever, he should have cancelled as soon as he realized he wanted to date this other girl. Getting told after a guy asks me out that he's dating someone else is getting REALLY old. What happened to common courtesy?

Guy #2 and I went out for lunch and we had a good time! We talked a lot about him, which was a little bit of a sign that he wasn't digging me that much, but it was still good conversation. But there came a point when I knew it wasn't going to last: his favorite movie is Spiderman 2, with Toby McGuire. Out of ALL the movies in the world, he chose that one. Yeah, it was never going to work. Lunch was good and when I sent the post date text thanking him again, telling him I had a good time, he said "I'm glad you had a good time." Apparently he didn't have a good time. Boo.

So even though those two dates flopped and I'm floating in dating limbo with Ethan, it was still an upswing and I've been enjoying life a little more. I nerded out that weekend and went to ComicCon with my good friend. I might have met someone at ComicCon...

To Be Continued...

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Pouring Pt 1

I feel as though everything happens all at once and then I go through a slump where nothing happens for months until the next "when it rains, it pours" period. Right now it's pouring.

First of all, Ethan and I have been spending an increasing amount of time together. I haven't gotten the guts to friendzone him yet. In fact, I've done the opposite. We watched a movie earlier this week together and he got all comfy, resting his hand on my leg, pulling me in close to him (but still not being overtly cuddly, because he's not really a touchy guy.) We watched the movie and then started watching a few episodes of a TV show. Part of the way through it we kissed. It was kind of cute because after the first kiss he was grinning really big, like he had just gotten an awesome surprise.

While that was really cute, it really just complicated the situation. I really, really enjoy spending time with Ethan. Half the time we text, we're arguing about things we don't agree on (like what concerts are worth going to) but after things get heated, he always texts me hours later with a sweet, flirty change of subject to soften my irritation. He's relaxed and respects my time alone and that is something I really, really appreciate.

But now what am I supposed to do? I feel as though I should tell him I just want to be friends, but things are really comfortable and I kind of just want to let things play out. I mean, I know I don't want to date him exclusively so maybe I can just stay dating him casually, at least for a little while.

Let's face it, sometimes you really just need to be held by someone.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Ethan and the Friendzone

Remember the ice skating date I went on a couple weeks ago? His name is Ethan and he and I have gotten together a few more times to watch movies and go hot tubbing. I really enjoy spending time with him because it reminds me a little of when I would hang out with Aiden all the time. I miss having a guy friend I can just chill with!

Ethan and I have been talking for about a month now and I've pretty much decided that it's a friendship because I don't feel any sort of attraction beyond friendship and that's the same vibe he's been giving off. We text a bit, chill, and then call it night. No pressure, no NCMOs, just enjoyment of each other's company.

Last night he came over to go hot tubbing and continue watching a movie series we started together. I had just gone on a hike and I was exhausted, so after the hot tub I got dressed in basketball shorts and a band T-shirt because I just didn't care. I don't need to impress Ethan. He knows I can dress nice and be cute, but I just wanted to be comfortable and relax. Don't get me wrong, I didn't look like a hot mess, I just wasn't my normal presentable self.

We grabbed In-N-Out and ate it while we started the movie. I can't even express how nice it was to have a relaxing night in with a friend. Aiden has moved back to California with his wife, who just had a baby a week ago, and I know I won't ever be able to hang out with him again like we used to and I miss that. Even if you're not interested in the guy, it's nice to have a friend you don't need to worry about anything with. It's nice to just be around someone instead of being alone.

During the movie I was texting with Derek, who is still in the picture. The guy is hilarious and I have a hard time not talking to him all the time. At one point I was sending a quick flirty response to Derek when all of the sudden Ethan bridged the gap between us and grabbed my hand. He laced his fingers with mine and continued watching the movie. Ummm what?! I though we had friendzoned each other!

I didn't really know how to react, so I just let it happen. He didn't try anything else, he didn't scoot over so we could snuggle, he just held my hand. He held my hand and it made me sad. Here is a guy who is cute and interesting and taking things slow, but I know deep down that even if I wanted to date him, I couldn't do it. I can't bring myself to get involved with someone who doesn't have a testimony of the church. I can't take the risk of falling in love with someone who can't spend eternity with me. I know they say "use it as a missionary opportunity! Flirt to convert!" But I know the heart ache of falling for someone who doesn't believe. Ethan doesn't even know if God exists, which is something I know and I hold dear to my heart.

After the movie Ethan hugged me goodbye and left. He sent me a post date text (since I s'pose that was a date) and asked to see me again soon. I don't want to hurt him, but I know I have to friendzone him and I have to do it soon.

Finally a good guy and I can't allow myself to be with him.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Blake Report

I went on that date with Blake on Tuesday and I'm still processing it. We met up for dinner and I had a good time and he seemed to enjoy his time with me, but I'm not really sure how it really went. The date was barely an hour long and, despite there not really being a lull in conversation, we ended the date and went on our way. I'm not sure what to make of it.

Blake was exactly as nerdy as I anticipated and as interesting in person as he was online. We talked about our families and our work. As we were leaving the restaurant we had a bit of a nerd out and talked about a particular SciFi movie and the book and how they compare. It was pretty awesome to get to talk to someone about things I like to geek out about.

After the date Blake and I exchanged a few texts about how it was nice to meet one another and how we had a good time. However, since then we haven't really talked and I don't know what that means. Well, I have a hunch about it, but I'm not sure if it's accurate. Was he really not interested, or is he just an awkward person? I suppose that now it's been nearly a week since the date and Blake hasn't asked me out again it's probably safe to assume that we won't be going out again.

Am I bummed? Yeah, a little. I wasn't emotionally invested in him yet, but I was looking forward to getting to know him better. Oh well. On to the next!