Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Ethan and the Friendzone

Remember the ice skating date I went on a couple weeks ago? His name is Ethan and he and I have gotten together a few more times to watch movies and go hot tubbing. I really enjoy spending time with him because it reminds me a little of when I would hang out with Aiden all the time. I miss having a guy friend I can just chill with!

Ethan and I have been talking for about a month now and I've pretty much decided that it's a friendship because I don't feel any sort of attraction beyond friendship and that's the same vibe he's been giving off. We text a bit, chill, and then call it night. No pressure, no NCMOs, just enjoyment of each other's company.

Last night he came over to go hot tubbing and continue watching a movie series we started together. I had just gone on a hike and I was exhausted, so after the hot tub I got dressed in basketball shorts and a band T-shirt because I just didn't care. I don't need to impress Ethan. He knows I can dress nice and be cute, but I just wanted to be comfortable and relax. Don't get me wrong, I didn't look like a hot mess, I just wasn't my normal presentable self.

We grabbed In-N-Out and ate it while we started the movie. I can't even express how nice it was to have a relaxing night in with a friend. Aiden has moved back to California with his wife, who just had a baby a week ago, and I know I won't ever be able to hang out with him again like we used to and I miss that. Even if you're not interested in the guy, it's nice to have a friend you don't need to worry about anything with. It's nice to just be around someone instead of being alone.

During the movie I was texting with Derek, who is still in the picture. The guy is hilarious and I have a hard time not talking to him all the time. At one point I was sending a quick flirty response to Derek when all of the sudden Ethan bridged the gap between us and grabbed my hand. He laced his fingers with mine and continued watching the movie. Ummm what?! I though we had friendzoned each other!

I didn't really know how to react, so I just let it happen. He didn't try anything else, he didn't scoot over so we could snuggle, he just held my hand. He held my hand and it made me sad. Here is a guy who is cute and interesting and taking things slow, but I know deep down that even if I wanted to date him, I couldn't do it. I can't bring myself to get involved with someone who doesn't have a testimony of the church. I can't take the risk of falling in love with someone who can't spend eternity with me. I know they say "use it as a missionary opportunity! Flirt to convert!" But I know the heart ache of falling for someone who doesn't believe. Ethan doesn't even know if God exists, which is something I know and I hold dear to my heart.

After the movie Ethan hugged me goodbye and left. He sent me a post date text (since I s'pose that was a date) and asked to see me again soon. I don't want to hurt him, but I know I have to friendzone him and I have to do it soon.

Finally a good guy and I can't allow myself to be with him.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Blake Report

I went on that date with Blake on Tuesday and I'm still processing it. We met up for dinner and I had a good time and he seemed to enjoy his time with me, but I'm not really sure how it really went. The date was barely an hour long and, despite there not really being a lull in conversation, we ended the date and went on our way. I'm not sure what to make of it.

Blake was exactly as nerdy as I anticipated and as interesting in person as he was online. We talked about our families and our work. As we were leaving the restaurant we had a bit of a nerd out and talked about a particular SciFi movie and the book and how they compare. It was pretty awesome to get to talk to someone about things I like to geek out about.

After the date Blake and I exchanged a few texts about how it was nice to meet one another and how we had a good time. However, since then we haven't really talked and I don't know what that means. Well, I have a hunch about it, but I'm not sure if it's accurate. Was he really not interested, or is he just an awkward person? I suppose that now it's been nearly a week since the date and Blake hasn't asked me out again it's probably safe to assume that we won't be going out again.

Am I bummed? Yeah, a little. I wasn't emotionally invested in him yet, but I was looking forward to getting to know him better. Oh well. On to the next!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

I don't know about you, but he's 32

Even after the disaster with that guy Dale on the dating website, I decided to still stick with if (mostly because I've already paid my three month membership.) Nothing much has come of it so far, but I've exchanged a few messages with a guy who is nerdy, albeit still cute.

His name is Blake and he's, wait for it, 32. Yikes, right? Sounds a bit old. But you know what? It doesn't really bother me. I mean, 32 is pretty much the oldest I'm willing to date, but it doesn't scare me off. Besides, he's really smart and he's pretty funny.

He asked me to have dinner with him, telling me he wants to take me to my favorite restaurant and talk more in depth about some of the things we've touched on in conversation. I'm not losing sleep because of excitement, but I'm looking forward to a night out with an interesting man.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Taking His Time

Finally I go on a Tinder date with a guy who isn't trying to get in my pants and then he tells me he's not active and hasn't been active since he was a young teenager. It's like the universe is against me meeting a quality man!

I woke up from an afternoon nap on Saturday to a message on Tinder from a guy I haven't spoken to in a few weeks. He asked if I wanted to go ice skating that night. I figured I didn't have anything going on and it could be fun, so I went and met him at the ice rink. We skated for a few hours and had a really good time! He was interesting and he didn't really put up any fronts. Whatever he wanted to say, he said it. He wasn't rude about anything, but he was open about things that normally wouldn't be talked about on a first date.

Ice skating is one of those dates where you expect that he'll try and hold your hands and help you around the ice, right? Maybe it was just that he plays ice hockey and I'm pretty sufficient at ice skating so I didn't need help and he respected that. He even told me that he's not a super touchy feely person and he's not the kind of guy who wants to jump right into a relationship. It was refreshing to hear that and to see it in action.

He asked to get together again, so last night he came over and watched a movie with me. Again, he didn't try anything. We sat next to each other on the couch and we weren't miles apart, but he wasn't trying to get up in my business. It would be really nice is more guys would follow suit and take their time in getting to know a girl before jumping into the physical side of a relationship!

I'm not going to pursue a relationship with this guy because we talked about religion and he's a little too set in his way of not believing, but I certainly could be friends with him.

Why can't more guys be like that? Why skip the courting part of a relationship and jump right into the physical?

Monday, March 17, 2014

What The Hell!

Here's what I don't get: Why ask a girl on a date when you know you're going to cancel it anyway?

Dale said multiple times last week through messages that he wanted to take me out on a date. We talked about our schedules and decided that Tuesday would be the best night to get together. On Saturday he finalized plans with me and we were good to go. However, today he sent me a message saying this:

I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to cancel our date. It looks likely that I'm going to be dating someone else, and I didn't want to start something with you that couldn't go anywhere. But you're freaking awesome. Nice to talk to you.

What the hell! How on earth do you go from planning a date with me on Saturday to "likely dating someone else" on Monday? How the HELL does that happen? I mean, I haven't been out on a date with this guy, so I'm not really invested in him, but really? I think I deserve better than that. Yeah, it's nice that he told me, but it still sucks, especially because he isn't even dating anyone, he's only "likely" to be dating someone. What if it doesn't work with that girl and he comes back asking to take me on a date? I'm not going to settle for being second choice. Hell no.

Anyway, there's my rant for the day.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Getting Out of the Winter Funk

I keep saying that I'm going to write an update, yet I can't get myself to sit down and write anything. What happened with Derek? What am I doing with my dating life? Why did I disappear when I was looking forward to finally writing about this guy I was falling for?

Well, to answer those questions shortly, Derek didn't come visit. His flight fell through last minute and he opted to stay home visiting with family. I was pretty upset. I kind of shut myself up for a couple weeks in order to figure things out. My heart and my head were both very confused. I wanted so badly to have things with Derek work out, but instead it slipped right through my fingers. I was upset, Derek was bothered that I was so upset, and we both let it escalate. Then we stopped talking. It's been weeks and we're only just getting back into talking with one another often. I'm not sure if anything will ever happen, but I'm just letting things be. It's too much for my heart to handle if I'm pressuring Derek for more than he can give.

I'm sad I didn't get to see him, but that's how life goes: not how you plan.

What's going on with me now? A lot of work, which is part of the reason I haven't written in so long. I went on a few dates with a guy who goes to BYUI who I met in the grocery store in Orem, but I can't see anything going anywhere with him.

I set up an account with an LDS dating site because I know a few people who are either dating or engaged to guys they met on there. Can't hurt to try, right? I have my first date from that site this coming Tuesday. His name is Dale and he likes a ton of the same books/movies/music that I do. He's very interesting to talk to and he told me that he was talking to a few other girls on the site, but he has found himself only coming on to check for messages from me. I'm interested to see how the date goes. It could be really fun!

I met a guy this week from my complex while I was hot tubbing. He's really cool! His name is Trevor and he promised to help me get back into the long boarding scene. We exchanged numbers and we texted quite a bit over the weekend.

There you go! Things with Derek were a downer, but all around, things aren't bad. I've just found myself in a rut where I can't seem to motivate myself to blog. I'm going to try and turn that around and blog more! Thanks for not giving up on me.

Saturday, February 8, 2014


My roommates keep asking me whether or not I'm nervous for Derek to visit. You know, I don't really feel all that nervous. At this point it's mostly a mixture of being anxious and being excited. 

Twelve more days until he's here and I feel like time is slowing down. This next week for me is going to be absolutely insane at work and I want to just fast forward through it to the following week. I don't even know what Derek and I are going to do other than we're going to spend a ton of time together. And you know what? I have no qualms about that. I would love to just spend a weekend with Derek talking and watching movies and making dinner together. We don't need to have a lot of plans, since we're doing this so we can spend time with each other.

It's either going to make or break us and I'm ready to find out. He and I have a lot of potential, but we need to see each other to know. Twelve days until we find out. Until then, I wait. Forgive me if I don't have much to write about for the next little while.