We had a good time shopping together. We went to his apartment and played some video games. We watched a movie and lounged around on the couch. It was a nice, long, relaxing day. At the end of the night, however, I felt this pressure rise in my chest because I knew I had to bring it up. As we wrapped up the date, my heart raced. we hugged goodbye and I told him, "I don't want you to date other girls." It got quiet and awkward and I suddenly felt sad again.
Colton told me he understands where I'm coming from and he knows it's not fair for me if he's seeing other people and I'm not. He asked if he could have a week to think about it. My immediate reaction was to pout and whine and say I wanted an answer right then, but I told him he could have a week. You guys, I'm pretty convinced that I just dug my grave with this relationship.
I mean, I'm a pretty optimistic person and I can't help but be hopeful, but I don't think Colton will be able to bury his fear and commit to a relationship. It hurts. I'm sad. I really like him and I know he's not intentionally hurting me. We both have our pasts and our failed relationships, his is just a little more extreme and he doesn't have my optimism.
He told me the next day that he wants to be sure that our personalities are compatible and that we have attraction emotionally and spiritually rather than just physically. I know I feel it all around, but he's just not sure. I don't know how, after two months, he doesn't know yet, but I'm willing to give him a week.
I have a knot in my stomach. I was looking forward to what we have planned this weekend, but now I'm dreading it. I don't want this to be over.