Enter Sam Man

Here's how I met Sam: It was Christmas break and all was well, though slightly uneventful. My friends invited me out one night to go watch a movie or two to get into the Christmas spirit. I knew everyone there, they were all from my singles ward at home, but then Frank (remember him from forever ago?) showed up with Sam. Here is a guy who, as it turns out, goes to BYUI and served in the same mission as Frank. His family recently moved to the area and Frank decided to help him get to know some people while he was home, even though he's heading back to Rexburg in January.

We hit it off, joked around a bit, and became friends. I have to admit that dating wasn't on my radar that night; I was simply enjoying the company of sone friends. I didn't think anything of it when Sam friend requested me on Facebook a couple days later. That's what our generation does, right? We meet someone and then we Facebook friend them and stalk their page so we can learn everything we know about them.
The day after Christmas Sam popped up on my FB chat asking about my holiday (which was great, by the way). He eventually said, "My Internet is really crappy. Would you mind if we texted instead?" That sly dog.

By texting Sam meant talking ALL NIGHT. If I didn't respond to a text within ten minutes, he sent another one. He kept working things like, "you are going to make some guy very lucky one day" and "you are too cute to have not attracted a guy yet. And you have cute winks" and "1-100 what are my chances?" This kind of forwardness makes me a little uncomfortable and awkward. He's a nice guy, so I didn't want to shoot him down, but geeze Louise! Don't you think that's a little bit of overkill? Not to mention Frank let it slip to me that Sam just recently got out of a relationship. Rebound much?

He asked me out to dinner and I said yes. It's only fair to give him a chance, particularly because we do get along really well.  You never know what could happenen.  At this point I'm not seeking anything out, but I'm not opposed to it.

#TwitterDate

Let's be honest, I like to flirt.  I also really like Twitter.  It only makes sense that I really like flirting ON Twitter.  With the cold weather hitting, I posted a few times about accepting applications for a cuddle buddy.  It started out as kind of a joke, but let's face it, who couldn't use a cuddle buddy in the winter?  Or all the time?  I am always down for a good cuddle.

Enter Joseph.  Here's a fun, good-looking guy who started retweeting all of my cuddle buddy tweets.  So, because I like Twitter, flirting, AND cute boys, I started flirting a bit with him, telling him to submit an application.  It was refreshing to just relax and have fun talking to this guy, you have no idea.  To say that this semester has put a few stumbling blocks in my path would be an understatement.  This ended up as a great escape, something that could simply be fun and void of stress.  It's about TIME, Universe.  Sheesh.

Things escalated rapidly and, because of the impending doom of winter and the fact that I really have nothing to lose, I told Joseph to go ahead, name a time and place and I'd be there.  Apparently Joseph had nothing to lose, either, because it totally happened.  Yes, you read that correct, I went on a date with the dashing Joseph Struhs. 

There were a few moments when I was sitting in the Cocoa Bean waiting for him to show up and I thought, "What if he wasn't serious?  What if he stands me up?"  But the feeling didn't stick around very long; he didn't stand me up.  When Joseph walked through the door, I had a split second to decide whether or not I was going to wave, smile, or sit and do nothing and let him figure out who I was.  I smiled.  He walked over and I awkwardly stood up to shake his hand.

You know, I don't think of myself as an awkward person, but sometimes I feel like I get overwhelmed by awkward situations and I simply can't escape them.  I had a million thoughts going through my head at that moment, wondering if I was making a decent first impression, should I pick my coat up from the chair, what drink do I want?  I get so anxious in these awkward moments that I take on the attributes of awkwardness.  Hopefully it wasn't too transparent that I felt that way...

The date was kind of a blur beyond that.  He was really nice, we have a lot of things in common.  I'm fairly certain we could easily share our music collections and like a lot of what the other has.  I mean, how can you go wrong with a guy who loves Mumford and Sons as much as I do?  Psh, c'mon, Joseph.  We jive too easily.

We're going to make dinner together sometime soon.  Turns out we have a mutual friend and all three of us love to eat, so it's perfect!  I think it's safe to say that this Twitter date was pretty successful.

Cheers!

Wade In

If you know anything about me by now, it's that I have a hard time letting go of certain guys.  Tyson was one of them, Wade is another.  I don't really post about Wade anymore because there's not much to say other than there's a small piece of me that can't help but get excited when a text from him pops up.  Back in January someone commented advising me to forget Wade, even though I'm in love with him.  I've never really said aloud, even to Matilda, that I'm in love with Wade, but I think there's a part of me that fell so hard for him.

Matilda is here in Rexburg and as a result, Wade is thinking of coming to visit (He's really good friends with her husband.  Also with her, but he and her hubby have a bromance of sorts.)  He's really into hiking, so he wants to go to several different states, including Idaho and Utah, to climb some routes he hasn't gone before.  Wade and I got to talking about the possibility of this visit and that resulted in a ridiculous beyond ridiculous text conversation.  Ye be warned, it goes on for quite awhile...



Wade: I must admit I like the sound of a hiking trip of that caliber. I'll have to see if I can pencil you in in between hikes ;) jkjkhaha

Me: I will hold you hostage if you don't pencil me in.

Wade: Holding me hostage would require catching me. Not to mention I don't flee like most. I climb up! Which could prove difficult catching for those who do not also hike.
Me: Oh, I have my ways. ;)

Wade: Pfffttt... try me... don't challenge me to escape, draw me in instead. I'm much easier to lure in.

Me: I'll lure you in once you're here.

Wade: See... now you know why I said pencil you in! You lure me in when I'm there? Pencil... lure me to goooooo and it gets more sharpie-esque

Me: You'll never want to leave once you get here. ;)

Me: I'm aiming for tattooed in

Wade: Pencil

Me: Tattooed. You'll see. I can be very persuasive. 

 

[Insert a few texts of banter, getting a little more serious]


Wade: I think the only place I'll need to get somewhere to stay is in Idaho. Idaho is the last stop, champ. If I'm not lured into going maybe Salt Lake is a good place to turn around. ;)

Me: You think you can't stay with me?

Wade: Doesn't the honor code apply to you?

Me: No, I'm so far above it I'll even share a bed with you and get away with it. ;)

Wade: Hahaha you're just a joker. There's no way you could pull it off. Yous be schooless before August.

Me: No, I'd just be really sneaky and do it at Matilda's house.

Wade: Hahahaha, I'm a cuddler anyways. Probably would get to you.

Me: You think I'm not aware of your being a cuddler? I enjoy a good cuddle evrey now and then, I wouldn't mind.

Wade: This rebellious side has me intrigued.

Me: I'm very persuasive.

Wade: Still in pencil though... you're gonna have to up your game.

Me: I told you, I have to save some of the mystery. Sharpie it for now and we'll tattoo it later.

Wade: Pencil first. Always.

Me: Yes, pencil for now, Sharpie tomorrow.

[Then I tried to convince him that he doesn't need to go hiking, he could just spend all his time with me, Matilda, and her husband. ]


Wade: Hahaha a hiking trip where I don't hike...doesn't really make sense yeah? Hahaha

Me: No, a hiking trip where you meander on up to Idaho for a couple days to see some dear friends. And maybe hike in Idaho is you find someone experienced to go with you.

Wade: Hahahaha um dear Leslie.... I'm planning a 10 day mancation of hiking and beard growing. There will be hiking.

Me: Fine, there will be hiking, I will allow it. But it can't be a complete mancation, that would just hurt my feelings.

Wade: What the heckk? Why not? I can't mancate?

Me: Mancations don't usually involve making out and I'll tell you now, that's definitely happening.

Wade: Wow... now you're forward. Daring. daringggggg

Me: If I leave that hanging, maybe you'll actually come to Idaho this time.

Wade: I'll move you from one of those pencils to one of those pens with the erasers.

Me: Nah, let's just go with Sharpie. You can't deny that you know making out is a definite possibility

Wade: Hahaha I'm going with BIC eraseable pen until I'm more lured in. And of course a guy would think about it but how am I supposed to know if you're down for that?

Me: Dude, the sleeping in the same bed wasn't enough of a hint for you? Good thing I have the lady balls to say it outright.

Wade: That I took as a joke. You go to BYUI...what am I supposed to think? And your lady balls. Haha I lol'd at that.

Me: What does a girl have to do to lure you into visiting her? Geeze! You make this so hard.

Wade: One...that's what she said. Two.... I didn't say you were doing a bad job. I just need more hahahahaha

Me: I don't follow all the rules. Heck, when I lived at home I spent almost every night at Aiden's house sleeping in his bed with him. I wasn't into him nor he into me, but I was still sleeping in a dude's bed. I'd probably break that rule if you came into town. Special occassion. ;)

Me: You need more than that? So pretty much you want to be told you're going to get laid. You slimeball.

Wade: Hahaha I'm always okay with some rule breaking. After hiking anyways... because I'm so tired after I hike. I usually require companionship.

Wade: What? I never said that! I hope that was you joking! You're going good but I'm just saying I've heard you make awesome treats. You've never said a word about a cooking tutorial, nothing. You know I'm no slimeball.

Me: Of course it was a joke. Don't you know me at all? If you come out to Idaho, I'll give you any kind of cooking tutorial you request. Within reason, of course.

Wade: Haha I just looked back at what that said and it did look bad. That's not what I meant when I said I require companionship.

Me: Hahaha, suuuuuuuure.

Wade: Making out, cooking, and bed cuddlin'. Wow you pulled out some weapons, miss.

Me: Gotta use the big guns for the real deal. Now if only you'd make it Sharpie....

As you can see, it was quite a playful conversation.  I won't believe that he's coming to visit until he's in Rexburg, but I can't help but hope.  I still really would like to see something happen there, I just don't know if I can deal with his flaky personality.  Meh.

Yeah, I still totally like him.
FML.

THAT Girl

There's a reason I don't want to be that girl.  The kind of girl that pounces every boy she meets, who manages to sit next to whomever might be the hottest guy at a gathering, who practically forces her number on the male population, who struts up to a fellow after class and asks him out on a date.  I don't want to be that girl and here's why:

It's been my experience that guys want to work for a girl.  It's some weird testosterone thing that I don't quite understand, but I think it has something to do with conquering and feeling like a successful hunter.  There's a period in a relationship where things hinge between friendship and something bigger, flirtations tossed about with a gigantic question mark floating around.  The girl acts coy and reclusive, which allows for the boy to pry and pursue, with the intent of winning her over, causing her to open up and become his.

When a girl takes a more modern approach to dating, she often times finds herself either a) dating a pansy of a guy who allows her to bully the whole 'relationship' into whatever she wants, leaving her dissatisfied with the manliness of her partner.  b) going on dates with guys who are reluctant, if not repulsed, by her forward attitude. Or c) someone who's just not into her, but lets her make the moves up until something like hand holding happens...and gets awkward.   Basically, the 'modern', 'feminist' ways of women taking the lead don't usually end up working.

What's with girls making the moves anyway?  Isn't is emasculating for a guy to have a girl ask him out or take his hand?  If you're into a girl, you grow a pair and ask her out, right?  I sure hope so.

That girl isn't someone I want to be.  I want to have confidence, but I don't want to be overbearing and a man-chaser.  I want guys to think I'm happy and pretty and awesome, but I don't want to flaunt it like today's headlines.  I don't want to be the girl that asks guys on dates.  I don't want to be the move maker.  I want to be a risk taker, but not those kinds.

Operation ask Aaron for his number blew up in my face.  I don't want to go into any more depth than that.  I feel humiliated and the small glimpse of confidence (oh man, did I used to be confident...) is gone.  It's like it was a sign that I'm not supposed to be that girl, even in the slightest.

One more attempt at love failed.  That means I'm that much closer to success.

Are you diggin' on me? Cause I'm diggin' on you

There's a guy in one of my classes that I'm completely diggin' on.  His name is Aaron.  We sit by each other and we joke and flirt practically the whole lesson.  I find this kid incredibly attractive, in a sort of dorky way.  I dig dorky guys.  And I like the sweaters he wears.  I really want to spend time with him outside of class, but that requires exchanging number and getting him to ask me to do something.

I've made the decision this semester that I don't want to be the one to ask for someone's number.  I don't want to be that kind of girl.  It's just so hard at BYU-Idaho, where there's a plethora of girls who have no problem being that girl!  I was with a friend last night and he said, "Girls asking boys on dates?  Yeah, that's weird."  I'm terrified of meeting someone I really want to get to know, not being patient, then screw everything up by being too forward.

So here's the deal with Aaron.  I called up Aiden and asked him his advice on how to get Aaron to ask for my number.  Aiden said I need to come up with some sort of activity, but one without a set date.  I'm supposed to invite him to the activity and hopefully he'll offer up his number or ask for mine.  I'm not convinced it's going to work, but I'm think I'm going to try it.  It's a round-about way of getting the kid's number without being one of those pushy, forward girls.

Playing the BYUI Dating Game

BYU-Idaho has the reputation for having way more girls than guys.  The ratio was something like 3:1 when I started school here.  Despite rumors that it's more like 1.5:1 now, I don't believe it's gotten any better.  Nearly every class I have is overfilled with marriage hungry girls, claiming to be spinsters at age nineteen.

I don't know if it's just the actual ratio of girls to guys, but I feel as though the whole dating atmosphere here is a giant game of which-girl-can-be-more-aggressive.  Let's face it, if you aren't the type of girl to go hunt down the unwed men in your classes and practically force yourself on them, you're chances of happening upon a friendship with a male who is unattached is slim.  Part of that, however, I believe is attributed to the guys, but I'll touch on that later.

My mother taught me while growing up that women weren't meant to pursue.  She told me that I needed to calm the heck down, back off the poor boys, let them man up and come to me.  I've never been able to get the hang of that.  I am a go-getter.  I see something (or someone) I want and I get poised into attack mode...until I sense competition.  As soon as another girl steps into the picture, I lose all motivation.  I don't want to compete with another girl, I don't want to have to play the one-up game, I would rather not get the guy and fall to the way-side rather than compete.  Part of that is because I've lost many times to "the other girl", part of that is because suddenly it's not fun anymore, the chase loses all appeal.

Something about pursing a guy is intriguing.  It's fun to be flirty and silly and giddy.  It's fun to tease and be interesting to him.  But still, it's not fun to try and be the better girl.  I want a guy to like me for me and have him pick me over all the other girls, not because I was trying, but because he genuinely likes me.  I don't really think that's unreasonable.

That being said, I do feel like being here in Idaho is a better dating scene for me.  I don't want to get caught up in those competitions, though.  I want to be able to have fun and go out on dates and enjoy the company of men without having to worry about whether or not I'm impressing them more than the other girl they were just talking to.  It's exhausting.

Now, boys, here's some advice to you:  BE A MAN.  Take the lead, ask that cute girl in your class out even if you've only seen her from across the room.  Do cheesy things like passing notes or using silly pick up lines.  Although cheesy, we girls live for those kinds of things.  We write them down in our journals and text ALL of our girlfriends about them.

Just because the girls here at BYUI are cutthroat doesn't mean you should slack off in your duties as a male.  Don't get lazy and think, "Why should I ask girls out when there are so many throwing themselves at me?"  We're doing it only because we want to get to you before the other girl does.  I'm sure you'll have better luck dating if you're the one singling out the girls you want to get to know rather than only meeting and dating the girls who jump into your path with their marriage bell blaring.

In review....
Girls:  Stop being so aggressive!  Let things happen, be friendly, be cute, be flirty.
Boys:  Be a man.  Ask a lady you think is cute out.

An attempt at dating

There's this guy from the same YSA ward as Tyson and Daniel named Peter who asked me out about a month ago.  He wanted to take me out to this taco place after institute, but it was closed.  Instead we went to a BBQ place and ate and talked.  Peter is really funny.  Like, hilarious.  I couldn't keep a smile off my face because this dude was constantly saying smart things that made me crack up.  All in all, it was really fun.  I enjoyed it.  We followed up the date with another one the following week to go see the movie Captain America.  I liked the movie, he totally wanted me to hold his hand, and he totally wanted to kiss me at the end of the night.  But we did neither.

So what's the problem with Peter?  Nothing really, expect I think of him as a good friend, someone I like to spend time with but not someone I'm tempted to kiss or hold hands with.  Maybe it's his beard, maybe it's that I don't know him very well, or maybe it's even that I want someone who has the guts to actually hold me hand or kiss me, not someone who will hint at it but waits for me to make the move.  I don't want to make the move, I want a man who'll show me he wants something by asking me out on a date and the kissing me on my front door step.  Doesn't the saying go "It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission"?   What's with all these pansy boys who won't go in for the kill?  I refuse to give in to that laziness.  If I'm on a second (or third or fourth etc) date with you, the thought of kissing you has definitely crossed my mind.

Despite having so much fun with Peter when we go out, I've realized that I'm also sad when we're together and he's asking me to feel how cold his hands are or he's leaning his head on my shoulder.  I'm sad because I'm not into him and I don't feel that connection even though I really want to.  I don't want to feel alone anymore.  I think I'm still looking for someone who made me feel the way Tyson did and I don't know if I can be happy with anything less than that.  I trusted him so much...

Flirting: To Play At Love

Flirting.  We all do it, it's enjoyable, it's playful, it's fun.  But what is it?  Why do we do it?  What does it mean?

My personal definition of flirting is it's a slightly sensual, inviting, teasing way of interacting.  The dictionary says flirting is "to play at love."  It's lighthearted, sometimes serious, sometimes innocent fun.  Flirting is one of the main ways men and women can interact and introduce the possibility of something bigger blossoming.  It's hard not to flirt with someone you're into.  It's a way to show that person that you are fun, interesting, and clever.  I like to think of myself as a master flirt, since I've had ample time and boys to practice.  It's an art form, really.   It's all about the subtle moves and the subtext underlying the words you use.  Once you've master the two individually, the combination of a movement and a simple comment that could mean so much can do a lot to a guy (Or a girl, whichever.)

There's this guy, Chase, with whom I'm good friends.  He served in the same mission as Aiden.  While Chase was on his mission, his family moved into my stake, so now he's in the same YSA ward as me and Aiden.  We hang out on the weekends with big groups (Chase works a summer job about 2 hours south of here, but comes home on the weekends) and it's awesome.  He's not the kind of guy you'd see and think, "Oh dang!  That is one great looking dude!  I want him NOW!"  Don't get me wrong, he's attractive, but he's not drop dead gorgeous.  He's tall (like, really tall), dark hair, pretty hazel eyes, but he's a little awkward looking.  I think that's why I'm attracted to him; I like the awkward boys.  Chase is hilarious.  I enjoy a good banter and Chase is a good banterer, I could talk to him endlessly.  I think it's his wit that makes him that way.  Whatever it is, there's something simply irresistible about this guy.

Last weekend Chase came over to my house and we sat in my room on my bed (with the door propped open, my parents were home) and talked.  He told me all his woman woes, which are many.  He's got chicks throwing themselves at him right and left and he doesn't know how to field them away.  He likes this girl who lives in his hometown, a couple states away. She's just barely 18 and his best friend's younger sister, so he's feeling a little hesitant, but he really digs her.  I'm the cool platonic girlfriend, so he can tell me all these things and feel like we're on safe ground, stuck in the friend zone.  In fact, Chase wants me to act as his secretary of dating so I can help him get rid of all the unworthy girls and send all the hot ones on to him.  I'm flatter that he would trust me that way, but his shallowness is ridiculous.  He's got a type: tall, skinny, leggy, cheerleader girls.  I'm not tall, not a cheerleader type, I've got killer legs, but they're shot,and I'm not the skinniest (I'm not overweight, but I'm not rail thin.)  So the friend zone.  I'm stuck there, probably for awhile.

Where's the correlation between flirting and Chase?  We flirt a lot.  It goes right along with the banter that goes on.  We joke around that we're almost dating and he calls me Babe all the time.  It's supposed to be a strategy to get girls who he doesn't want to like him to think he's unavailable, but I think I'm enjoying it way too much.  With the whole Tyson thing fresh in my mind, having something fun to throw my attention into is such a relief.  I like being able to take my mind off of something so negative that makes me feel like crap and focus on something that's fun and lighthearted and doesn't really call for much effort or commitment.

In short, I like flirting with Chase.  I like pretending to be his almost girlfriend, but not having to be committed.  I like not having to think about Tyson all the time.  We'll have to wait and see what happens, though.  Chase and I will both be going on to BYUI in the Fall, so we'll see if I can progress out of the friend zone.