Confessions of a Mormon Player: Scott

Written by Scott

I am writing this in somewhat of a rebuttal of Leslie's post I've Got Beef. Well Leslie, I got beef with you and number of other girls at this silly school. It is lot harder to “grow a pair” than you would think, though I admit a lot of guys need to grow a pair. I could even throw myself into that mix, but it really is a lot harder than you would think, and here is why.

I came to this school a year removed from my mission with the promise of finding love. We have all heard it, “BYUI-do”, “Ring by spring or get your money back.” There was a lot of promise. I came up here in search of it. Yeah, I told my Mom and Dad I wanted to grow up and get a degree but I’m pretty sure they read right through that load of crap. I wasn't, nor am I currently, necessarily ready to get married but I wanted a girlfriend. Believe it or not, girls, guys want girls. Behind the rugged beards, hawking luggies, and belching the alphabet, we like having girlfriends. We love to be loved and love having someone to talk to and flirt with. You ask any guy, he won’t admit that to you, but he does, trust me. So I came up here for that. I came up here to find a girl to flirt with, to be with, and to date.

Now to the beef I've got. Girls here at BYU-Idaho are very, VERY quick to judge. As a guy, you run into one of two problems. The first is you ask a girl out and she automatically assumes you want to get married. I mean, why wouldn't she? You are a Mormon kid who has been back from your mission two and half years and you don’t have a child? What in the world is wrong with you? Girls, that is for my mother to worry about, not you. Don’t assume we just want to marry you. Don’t assume that the only thinkg that is on our mind is the temple and having ten kids. We want to date you. We want to take you on dates and we want to get to know you. You don’t assume love at first sight and we don’t expect you to either. Look past the stigma that we just want to get married and relax and go on a date with us. Who knows, we may not like you and we won’t get married. Phew, I know. But we may also like each other and, wait for it, have a good time. There’s a concept that works.

The second beef I've got, the one I usually fall into, is that girls judge the guy very quickly. Very quickly they jump to conclusions on if they could date the guy that is flirting with them. I think this is very intertwined with assuming we just want to marry them. I know some guys can be creepy and once you sit there and listen for a few minutes they get your number and then never leave you alone. I get that. But there are a number of us that hear this all the time and so we stand back. We don’t want to be the annoying creepy guy who taps you on the shoulder in the Smith quad to ask you out on a date. We would rather sit back and relax than to put ourselves out there in fear of being the next creepy guy to ask you on a date. We are also afraid of being judged quickly.  We are afraid that we just aren't quite good looking enough or we are just not the type that girls is looking for. Swallow your pride a little bit and go on at least one date with a guy. I know the ball is completely in our court. We determine how the date goes and it could very well be horrible but it also could very well be amazing. But don’t be so quick to judge based on their looks. There are guys out there that may not be panty droppers but they can make you laugh and you will have more fun with them than anyone else.

Last thing I want to cover are those guys that can just walk up to you and are good looking and are sweet talkers. Not all of the time, but most of the time, they just want to get in your pants. Trust me, I've done it and I've seen it done. It is a lot easier to talk and flirt and be aggressive if you just want a quick NCMO. Why do you think Tinder is so fascinating? So do those stand-back guys you wish would just talk to you a favor and talk with him. I’m not saying ask him on a date, but go and talk to him. I have had girls come over and talk to me and I have found them a lot more attractive because it allowed me to relax. I feel I can be very charismatic and can and will say whatever I want but if you ask me to ask a girl I hardly know out, I start searching for a new pair of underwear because I get so nervous. 

I know I need more confidence. I know I need to talk to more girls and I admit a lot of guys need to grow a pair, including myself. But think for just a minute that if you assume every guy just wants to marry you, we assume that every girl thinks that and doesn't want us to talk to her. Girls say that confidence in guys sells. Well I say confidence in girls sells. Be open and realize that we don’t want to just marry you. There is more to us than meets the eye and we aren't just trying to get in your pants.

(Neither Scott nor Leslie are responsible for any guy that is unable to pick up on signs)

Girl and Friend

We've all known someone who has done something we've advised them not to. I'm a prime example. How of many of you told me to not see Kirk again? A lot of you. Did I listen? Not at all. I was too caught up in the mindset of "You don't know him! You don't really understand how he makes me feel! I do what I want and I'm going to make out with Kirk even though I'm fully aware of what a non-committal douche bag he is!" Smart decision, Leslie. Really smart. Not.

It drove you crazy to witness me acting like that, right? Well, sorry. My bad. Guess Kirk was a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

I received an email this week that can be summed up like this:

This Girl and her Friend go way back to high school, they roomed together, they're best friends. Friend has a cycle: Narrow in on one guy, flirt it up, go on a date that, for her, make or break the "relationship." Girl says that Friend usually decides that she doesn't like the guy ("finds him disgusting") at this point and the "relationship" ends. Friend "doesn't know how to just date for fun."

What's the problem? Friend likes Home Teacher, HT likes friend. Friend and HT hold hands and cuddle after knowing each other for a week. Girl finds out that HT went out with another girl the week before and tried to do the same thing. Girl finds out HT does this again with another girl, but also makes out with her. HT has a bad reputation in the ward because he wants NCMOs left and right. Friend doesn't know about HT's douche baggery. Girl tries to tell Friend about it, especially because Friend thinks things with HT are escalating quickly (Well, he does just want to make out, so that makes sense...), but Friend won't listen to Girl because that's just what people do.

There you have it, a case that happens all the time. We've all been in the situation as Girl, where you worry about Friend's poor decisions and ridiculous dating habits. Something I've realized over time is that the best thing you can do for Friend is to be a friend. You can advise all you want, but chances are Friend isn't going to listen to you. What can you do to be a good friend? Listen. Advise when asked, express concern when Friend is going to do something ridiculously stupid (like make out with Kirk. Is Friend going to make out with Kirk when you know it's a bad idea? Stop her), and most importantly, be the person who is there when it doesn't work out.

When it comes to dating, girls tend to think they know everything because you don't understand how they feel and how he really is when it's just the two of them. Friend doesn't want to listen to Girl because Girl just doesn't know! It's hard being Girl and seeing Friend embrace impending heart ache. Be her friend. That's the best we can do.

Be a good friend to Friend!

I've got beef

Gentlemen, I have a beef with you.

I had a conversation with a friend recently that started off with him asking me to find out if a girl in our ward has a boyfriend. Wingman request. Generally you can find this kind of information easily from a quick Facebook search, so I'm a little puzzled as to why he didn't do that, but that's beside the point.

Before I share the conversation we had with you, you have to know that this is a guy who previously asked me to set him up with this girl. I declined, partly because I had just met her that day and partly because he's a man who's fully capable of asking a girl out on a date, which was made evident to me when he asked out nearly every single girl in my apartment last Fall.

I bet you can guess that he never asked her out. Because he's a pansy.

Here's the conversation. I was a little abrasive, but considering this guy only comes to me when he wants information about another girl, I don't feel an loyalty as a friend to be anything but blunt.

First of all, why is there this huge chain of asking a friend to ask a friend to ask a friend if she has a boyfriend? Are we in middle school? And why the need for such secrecy? This text felt so juvenile in all aspects. Considering I had already told his kid I wouldn't ask a girl out for him, it seemed pretty lame to come back asking me to set his friend up with the same girl. Come ON!

You have to keep in mind that I don't even know this girl all that well. Yeah, we work together in our callings, but we're not friends and we don't hang out. We've hardly talked about our personal lives with each other, so I don't even think she'd buy the story that I want to set her up with someone. And let's face it, I don't buy the story that he wasn't asking for himself. He wants her. 

Again, why is it so important that no one knows this guy is interested in this girl? This isn't middle school.

Here's where we get into the beef I have with you men. I know it doesn't apply to all of you, but I feel like too many men around BYU-Idaho don't want to step up and ask girls out. I get that you're nervous, I get that you fear rejection. But really, what's the worst that could come of it? A bad date? At least you showed courage and went after someone who interested you! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.

I got carried away here. I was just so frustrated with this guy's inability to be a man! Seriously, dude. If you're going to ignore my advice to ask this girl out at the beginning of the semester, don't come asking me later to find out information you could already know if you had grown some BALLS and been a man.

There you have it. 

Come on, guys. Be men. Ask girls out on dates. Don't let fear keep you from happiness, or dating. Or both. 

Completely unrelated, sometimes I think my sarcasm doesn't translate via text. It's a little frustrating. I just want to flirt with you, OKAY? Geeze.

Risky Business

I've had a lot on my mind. A lot about foundations and risk and it gets me all confused about how I'm going about life and whether or not I'm taking the right kinds of risks.

There are two ways relationships happen. Either you begin as friends and build up to a relationship, or you begin getting to know each other with the intent of dating. Most people I know say that they would prefer to be friends first and then become boyfriend and girlfriend. In theory this is a great idea because it gives you a good foundation for a relationship. However, in practice it's not really that easy.

From my experience, it's much easier to make something happen with someone who doesn't really know you all that well. First of all, there's significantly less risk involved when you put yourself out there with someone you aren't already established with. If it doesn't go over well, there's no risk that you're going to soil something that you already have and value.I think that's what makes it so much easier for me to put myself out there with people like Bryan. With him I could rationalize my actions with the thought that, "If he rejects me, it's not like I'll be losing a friend" because we didn't know each other before this semester, so the risk simply wasn't there. Now that I've put myself out there with Bryan and it hasn't really gone the direction I wanted it to, it's still not a big deal. It's over and done with, I'm not torn up about it, I'm not really missing hanging out with him. No harm done, really, seeing as nothing has changed.

With friends, things get messy. For instance, if I were to hypothetically decide to pursue Scott,  there would be so many more variables than just either he likes me or he doesn't and that's that. It's much more complicated and, consequently, much more risky. We've known each other for awhile. We're pretty comfortable in the friendzone area we've established. So what would happen if I were to decide to start thinking outside of the friendzone?

Friendzoned

 How would I even begin to start hinting that I wanted things to change? What if it didn't work out? What if he didn't feel the same way? How would that change the dynamics, not only between him and me, but also with the people around us? Suddenly it's not just about me and Scott, but it becomes much bigger. We have an established group of friends in which we all have a comfortable cadence with which we interact. If I were to choose to try and change things between myself and Scott, no matter what the outcome between us two, it would alter the whole group and how we are together. I want to venture to say that it would be wholly unfair to the group of I decided to pursue Scott.

See what I mean? It's complicated. My head hurts just going back to reread that paragraph. As nice as it would be to have a relationship spring from a friendship, it's much easier to settle with flirting and being bold with guys who aren't as close to me. Less risky. Less potential to be something of substance, but less risky all the same.

The greater the risk, the greater the reward. Isn't that how the saying goes?

I need to reevaluate my willingness to take risks.

I am the queen of this kind of risk. Seriously, I will trash you. WORLD DOMINATION!

Trust, Sincerity, and Hope

I want to address something that happened in relation to my last post. I think it's important.

I wrote that post  in response to a friend of mine, Scott, who figured out that I write this blog. Well done, Scott. You solved the riddle everyone wants to know (at least that's what I tell myself.) Why was I so upset over this? Because Scott wasn't careful with my secret and he blatantly talked about it-no, announced it-in a room full of people. Having worked hard to keep my identity on the DL, only telling people I trust-not telling a bunch of strangers- this was really kind of irritating. On top of that, he was talking about it with this girl who was hanging all over him. Yeah, okay, I admit that this was perturbing because Scott is really fun to flirt with and I was a little miffed that she was there. It just added fuel to the fire.

If you've read my last post, you know that I was really on one. I was pretty pissed. Trust is a huge thing for me and I feel like throughout my life, particularly since graduating from high school, it has been constantly betrayed. Maybe I trust too easily, I don't know. Regardless, when someone betrays my trust, even if it's just something small, like telling that I write this blog, it cuts deep. I keep thinking of my experience with Tyson and how he utterly destroyed my trust and how Greg (I don't think I've blogged about him, but let's just say I nearly hitched my wagon to a disaster) used my trust in order to get away with breaking commandments right under my nose without me even noticing. These are extreme examples, but they give you some insight as to why having my trust betrayed cuts so deeply. It's the foundation for why I reacted the way I did.

The douche bag post was immature. It was petty. It was kind of funny and I ended up having fun with it, but I shouldn't have gone about taking my frustration public. I should have talked with Scott rather than writing that post and getting upset at his apartment, calling him a douche and a dick. I snapped when I should have kept my cool.

Anyway, now that you have that little preface, what I really want to write about is Scott's response to my reaction to his behavior. I didn't get this until late the next day, but this is the message Scott sent me:

Leslie,
I'm sorry for what I did. I figured I wasn't telling people that knew about the blog and so it wouldn't matter. That was my fault, I shouldn't have told anyone anyway. I promise not to tell anyone anymore. I am sorry for being a douche to you. I didn't realize I was, I guess that's the point of being a douche, you never know when you are. I appreciate you telling me and I will fix it. I hope you still come around and that we can be friends. If you don't want to, I understand.

I must still be caught up in the insincerity that saturated Kirk's many apologies to me, because this left me floored. I didn't anticipate something like this, nor did I really remember what it was like to be really apologized to. Most guys I know at BYU-Idaho have way too much pride to step up and admit they did something wrong and apologize for it.

Scott is the real deal. He knows what's up. He apologized for what he did, he acknowledged exactly what it was that was the issue, owned up to having been out of line, told me he would fix it, told me he still wants a friendship, but ultimately left it up to me, yet in an understanding way. That is how an apology should be. That is how you know someone really means what they say and aren't simply saying it out of obligation.

When Kirk "apologized" to me for treating me so terribly, it felt nothing like this. It took being called out for him to say "I am sorry. I am a jerk and an idiot. I am sorry for being such an 'animal'" There's nothing about his apology that really told me he meant what he said.They were empty words meant to make him feel like his obligation to me was finished, he was off the hook. Sorry, dude, that ain't an apology.

Having Scott act the way he has has given me a little glimmer of hope that good men still exist. Not all of them are Tysons or Kirks. Sure, we still have to put up with them occasionally acting like giant douche bags, but at least they'll recognize when they ought to stop. I don't think he knows how much I appreciate that apology.

Scott is pretty awesome.

Don't Be a Douche

There's a line that exists among normal people. This is a line that is approached carefully, taunted, and danced along. This is a line that isn't crossed. That is unless you're that one guy in the group that thinks it's okay to race across that line. Don't be that guy.

No one likes that guy

But seriously, that line is there for a reason. Sometimes I can deal with the occasional saunter across, but there comes a point when enough is enough and then I snap. 

You're probably a little confused, and I apologize for the ambiguity of this post. It's just one of those nights. People exist in this world who just really know how to get my goat. It pisses me off. If your aim was to get under my skin, congratulations, you did. 

Got my goat

It's not that it's a huge deal, it just pisses me off that you lack the tact to be respectful. I tell you something in confidence and the first thing you do is go and tell anyone who will listen. Hear that? It's my goat bleeting with disgust because you're being a giant dick. 

I know you think you're funny and I'm not serious, but you're wrong. You are being neither funny nor cute. I was just beginning to kind of like you. Geeze. Quit being a douche. 

/Rant

One Year Later...

In my last post I asked if any of you remember Garrison. He's the guy I had a one night cuddle-fling with last Summer. Nothing really ever came to fruition with him, mostly due to the fact that he's a bit of an enigma. Also, Aaron popped up and was pretty willing to make out and I couldn't really say no. Sometimes a girl has to let something go in order to make out. Sorry, Garrison. You weren't putting out and Aaron was...

Fast forward twelve months and you have me attending a birthday party. Aaron is long gone, Garrison fell off the map after Spring 2012 and I haven't though of either of them in a pretty long time. In fact, I completely forgot about that night with Garrison. Anyway, I was at a birthday party talking with friends when in walked some guy I didn't know. My thought process went something a little like this:

"Who is that? Oh, I don't know him. Whatevs!

Dang, that guy is almost as tall as the doorway.

He's actually really handsome...

HEY, WAIT A SECOND! I know him!

Garrison!"

That all happened in about 3.6 seconds. I kind of got a little goofy and I poked Bethany to point Garrison out to her. Neither of us have seen him since last Spring and we had no idea he knew the birthday girl. The kid doesn't have a Facebook (What kind of person doesn't have a Facebook? How inconvenient) so we didn't keep tabs on him after the semester ended and we moved wards. But here he was, parading around the apartment like he owned the place. It took him a moment to realize he knew me, but after he realized that he stuck pretty close by. We ended up sitting on the lovesac together catching up. 

I forgot how flirty Garrison is. He was all about trying to tickle me, trying to get me to tickle him, and leaning his head up against my shoulder. I can't say I didn't mind it, but it was something I anticipated happening. I mean, c'mon. It has been about a year since I've seen him. But hey, if he wants to be flirty, I'm all for it. Show me what you've got, boy.

As the night was winding down Garrison got ready to head home. He made sure we still had each others numbers, which was good because I purged my phone at the beginning of the year and his number was among the ones I deleted, and then he left. We texted for a little bit that night, which was really nice. Sometimes it's just nice to talk with someone and to flirt a bit. 

I don't think there's much of a future with Garrison, especially since I'm leaving and he still has several years left at BYU-Idaho, but it could be nice to continue talking to him. He's pretty flirty, sooo... YOLO, right?

Just kidding, YOLO is dumb

Vermilion

Have you seen the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Lily has a sex dream about Ranjit the cab driver? Her face turns a shade of red called vermilion when she sees him and Marshall gets ridiculously jealous. It's a funny episode.

Lily sees Ranjit and Marshall realizes the sex dream was about him

Vermilion Red

It's funny that I watched this episode just yesterday because I had a dream the other night in which I kissed Liam and I kissed Liam good. It was an end of the world apocalypse dream where we were thrust into the world of the TV show Falling Skies, which I've never actually watched, I just know it's about an alien invasion. There were aliens everywhere and the mansion we were at was under attack. Liam and I knew it was the end of the world, so we grabbed each other and kissed. A lot. It was pretty epic. Like, aliens being shot, cars exploding, helicopters with machine gun wielding soldiers flying by epic.

Sort of like this

What does this dream have to do with Lily and Ranjit and vermilion? Well, after having this dream I couldn't stop thinking about Liam and his awesome jawline and those fantastic lips and the way I dreamt they felt. I've had dreams about kissing someone before, but not one that has lingered like this. Just thinking about it I feel my cheeks get a little red, sort of like Lily's face in that episode. When did my face really turn vermilion? When I ran into Liam on campus today. I was walking home and he was walking out of the library. I said hi, but quickly excused myself because of the flush I felt creeping up in my cheeks. 

Now, I'm sure it's not as intense as having a sex dream about someone, but it's kind of the single Mormon equivalent. 

In short, it was an awesome dream. 

Also, does anyone remember Garrison from last Summer?

Let Me Down Easy

I ran into a dilemma a couple days ago.

Bryan and I have had this ongoing text conversation that, let's be honest, hasn't really been going anywhere. I've been feeling particularly bold (still blaming this on the constant state of Spring Fever I've been in) so I've been laying on the flirting pretty thick. I don't even sound like myself.

"Your apartment is full of such handsome guys. ;)"
"I really admire your determination. The world could use more good men."
"Let's watch a movie this weekend! ;)"
"Did you know you're a rare type of guy?"
"Tell me everything about you! You're sooooooOOOooOOooOOooOOo interesting! ;) ;) ;)"

I didn't really say all those things, but it's that kind of silly flirting that I've been doing. Okay, maybe I did say some of those things... The guy would have to be a complete moron to not catch onto the fact that I'm diggin' him like a grave robber.

I kept asking friends for advice on what to do. Part of me wanted to tell him directly that I like him and throw the ball in his court, but another part of me was petrified of rejection and messing up the good friendship Bryan and I have been building. One friend told me to, essentially, nut up and say, "I've gotten to like you and I would like to go on a date and get to know you better if you're interested." NO WAY, JOSE. I do not want to ask Bryan out on a date. I want to tell him that I like him and then let him decide. I've already explained that I don't want to be that kind of girl. Sometimes I wish I were, but I really just can't bring myself to ask a guy out like that. It feels too unorthodox and weird.

Another friend told me to just wait and see. Really, I'm just impatient. If I'm going to like someone during my last semester, I don't want to waste half of the semester just waiting for something to happen. I want to cuddle and make out, dang it! Get that mouth on my mouth.

Turns out, however, that I didn't have to wait long nor take any action. We were texting one morning and he sent me this. . .

Honestly I have to say that this was really good. Not only did Bryan approach the situation tactfully, but he was kind about it and he let me down pretty easy. I'm not even feeling upset at all. I'm mostly relieved that a. He picked up on the thick layer of flirting b. He isn't crushing on the girl in my ward that I thought he might be c. I'm not going to be wasting any more time. Overall, I wish more guys were direct like this. 

That was my response. I figured I'd put it out there that I am into him. You know, just in case things with this girl back home falls through. Even if I'm not going to be wasting my time by chasing him, I'm still going to flirt a bit (not too much) and continue a friendship. I wouldn't be opposed to a late blossoming relationship with Bryan. 

Whatevs, it's Springtime. Life is good!

2AM Club sings my Summer jams.

Clumsy

I may or may not have celebrated my birthday recently.

Instead of planning my normal themed birthday party, I decided that being as old as I am now, I might want to calm the partying down a bit, so I invited some friends out to dinner. I decided to go out on a limb and invite Liam and Bryan. It can't hurt to invite them to group things, right? Besides, I had already invited most of their apartment. I didn't want to be rude.

Turns out this was the best move I could have made. Liam didn't attend. He didn't tell me he wasn't going to come. Liam? He ain't worth it. All of that beautiful, seductive, entrancing masculinity going to waste. What a pity.

What wasn't a waste? Bryan. Not only did he text me to make sure he knew what was going on, but he showed up and seemed really happy to be there. This guy is hilarious. The more time I spend with him, the more I realize how much more substance he has to his character than Liam does. Sure, Liam is nice to look at, but there's not much else to him. Bryan is a package deal: The looks, the personality, and a testimony. Hello, Waiter. I'll have this one. Check, please!

After going out to dinner and laughing nonstop we all returned to my apartment for cake and games. I'm not really sure how it happened, but somehow while we were in my kitchen Bryan decided it would be funny to wrap his arms around me and hold me so tight I couldn't move. Then, out of nowhere, he bit my shoulder. It hurt. What prompts someone to bite someones shoulder? Don't get me wrong, it was kind of hot in a weird way and I'm not complaining, it's just not something I can say I've either had done to me nor done to someone else. I don't understand that thought process. However, I really don't mind that Bryan proceeded to try and give me a hickie. Yes, that's correct, Bryan put his mouth on my neck and sucked for a good thirty seconds. Let's just say that the appalled look on my face was definitely for show. Inside I was melting. Best birthday? Quite possibly. A hickie never appeared because, according to Bryan, I have terminator skin that cannot be broken.

Bryan stayed over until almost midnight playing games and watching funny YouTube videos. It was glorious. I'm smitten. Spring Fever x1000.

This song is obnoxious and silly...but still kind of true.