Risky Business

I've had a lot on my mind. A lot about foundations and risk and it gets me all confused about how I'm going about life and whether or not I'm taking the right kinds of risks.

There are two ways relationships happen. Either you begin as friends and build up to a relationship, or you begin getting to know each other with the intent of dating. Most people I know say that they would prefer to be friends first and then become boyfriend and girlfriend. In theory this is a great idea because it gives you a good foundation for a relationship. However, in practice it's not really that easy.

From my experience, it's much easier to make something happen with someone who doesn't really know you all that well. First of all, there's significantly less risk involved when you put yourself out there with someone you aren't already established with. If it doesn't go over well, there's no risk that you're going to soil something that you already have and value.I think that's what makes it so much easier for me to put myself out there with people like Bryan. With him I could rationalize my actions with the thought that, "If he rejects me, it's not like I'll be losing a friend" because we didn't know each other before this semester, so the risk simply wasn't there. Now that I've put myself out there with Bryan and it hasn't really gone the direction I wanted it to, it's still not a big deal. It's over and done with, I'm not torn up about it, I'm not really missing hanging out with him. No harm done, really, seeing as nothing has changed.

With friends, things get messy. For instance, if I were to hypothetically decide to pursue Scott,  there would be so many more variables than just either he likes me or he doesn't and that's that. It's much more complicated and, consequently, much more risky. We've known each other for awhile. We're pretty comfortable in the friendzone area we've established. So what would happen if I were to decide to start thinking outside of the friendzone?

Friendzoned

 How would I even begin to start hinting that I wanted things to change? What if it didn't work out? What if he didn't feel the same way? How would that change the dynamics, not only between him and me, but also with the people around us? Suddenly it's not just about me and Scott, but it becomes much bigger. We have an established group of friends in which we all have a comfortable cadence with which we interact. If I were to choose to try and change things between myself and Scott, no matter what the outcome between us two, it would alter the whole group and how we are together. I want to venture to say that it would be wholly unfair to the group of I decided to pursue Scott.

See what I mean? It's complicated. My head hurts just going back to reread that paragraph. As nice as it would be to have a relationship spring from a friendship, it's much easier to settle with flirting and being bold with guys who aren't as close to me. Less risky. Less potential to be something of substance, but less risky all the same.

The greater the risk, the greater the reward. Isn't that how the saying goes?

I need to reevaluate my willingness to take risks.

I am the queen of this kind of risk. Seriously, I will trash you. WORLD DOMINATION!