Not engaged, not even remotely close. I had fun typing up that post, though. I figured more of you would have called me out. At least one person told me to run away. You guys really think Kirk is worth it? Hardly.
What really happened yesterday? I saw Kirk on campus twice. We walked by each other outside and then again in the library. Both times I knew I wasn't going to stop him, but after the second time I was furious. He had glanced at me and smiled and that just pissed me off. He has no right to think he can use and drop me the way he did and then look at me and smile.
Not EVER.
Now, I admit that I was filled with this sense of 'I cannot be beat' and 'He needs to know how horrible he is' so I whipped out my phone and sent a text. I acknowledged that I'd seen him both times and I told him that I thought the way he treated me was awful. He didn't respond until I had already gone to sleep that night. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the text and I couldn't fall back asleep until I responded. His response infuriated me.
See what I mean? If I had a dollar for every time Kirk said he was sorry to me, I would be a pretty rich woman. He's said it so much without actually putting any action or sense of remorse behind the word that it's become meaningless. The things he says are truly empty. If he were to act on his words, then maybe I would have come to believe him. But no, he just says things and stays the same awful person. What does "animal" even mean? Why use quotation marks? I don't get it.
That's what really happened with Kirk. It was petty of me to send that text, it was me trying to stir things of the past up. I have a little bit of regret when I look at that, but at the same time I also feel pretty proud of myself for telling him what I really think of him. He graduates this semester and I'll be pretty glad he'll be gone forever, without any chance of running into him on campus again.
I just want to be able to let it go completely. It's exhausting to keep revisiting the past.
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