You guys, I am so glad to have built such a fanbase. You're the reason I come back to writing, especially after busy months like the last few, when it would be easier to just stop writing altogether. With your help, I've had over 20,000 views since mid May. That's huge to me. Thanks for being so loyal and for encouraging me to continue writing.
Tonight is New Year's Eve and I'm planning on letting go of 2013 with a bang. My roommate and I have dressed up and we're just about to head out the door to hit up a big party in Utah county. We're going to dance and sing and probably kiss strangers at midnight. Friends, tonight is going to be one for the books.
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
That Time I Disappeared
Do you know what it feels like to get up early, work a twelve hour day, go home and eat dinner, collapse in bed by 8pm, only to get up early the next morning to do it all over again? It's completely exhausting. But, gladly, those days are a thing of the past. With the holidays coming to a close, I'm finally returning to normal work hours and my life won't be a cycle of work-eat-bed-repeat. Feels a little bit like being released from prison...but the paychecks have been nice. I bet they don't get those in prison.
Anyway, I know you want to know about Alex and what's going on there. Well, let me tell you! Alex and I have been seeing each other almost exclusively for about a month. As you know, it started on Thanksgiving when we sat together outside of Best Buy. We've both been busy with work, but we've made some time to see each other on our days off. He lives in Salt Lake, so it makes seeing each other often a little difficult, especially because I work early in the morning and he works in the evening, usually past when I go to bed. But we've seen each other on our days off, which seem to conveniently be on the same days. Usually I drive out there and we watch a movie, go shopping, or go out to dinner. The night generally concludes back at his mom's house (Yeah, he still lives at home. Is that a bad sign?) with the two of us spooning on the couch...which leads to us making out. Alex has some big lips, which are really nice to kiss. His style is growing on me, too.
When Alex makes the trek down to Provo to see me, which has only been twice in the month we've been seeing each other, I make him dinner and plan an activity. First we made a gingerbread house together, the next time we put together a puzzle. Well, more like Alex watched football and put together a puzzle and swatted my hands away when I tried to help or change the channel to something more interesting.
I look back on the first post I wrote about Alex and I kind of miss the giddiness and excitement I felt when he and I first started seeing each other. He texts me "Good Morning" and sends me goofy snapchats, but other than that, I feel as though all he ever has to say is, "What are you up to?" I don't know how many times I can tell him I've just gotten off work, out of the shower, or cooked dinner. My day to day life has been really monotonous lately. Maybe it's time to start making conversations about something else? Like Christmas, maybe? Or New Year's? Hell, ask me what my favorite animal is, so long as we're not talking about what I'm doing right that second.
As you can guess, I've started to have my doubts about whether or not Alex is the one for me. I mean, if a man cannot keep my mind excited for the first month of dating, what's going to happen five months from now? A year? Five years? Yeah, not really looking so great.
About a week before Christmas, things kind of took a dive for the two of us. I was leaving town the Sunday before Christmas and we hadn't seen each other since the previous Sunday. I asked a couple times if we'd see each other before I left and he always assured me we would. But when it came down to the last two nights I was in town, he said he was too tired to come see me.
Me: What are your plans tonight?
Alex: Work
Me: And tomorrow night, too?
Alex: 11-8 both days
Me: So...do I have to wait until after Christmas to see you?
Alex: I don't know. I don't have a day off until Christmas.
Me: I leave of Sunday. It would be really nice if you drove down after work either tonight or tomorrow. Preferably tonight because I'm going to work on Sunday before my plane leaves, so I should go to bed early tomorrow night.
Alex: Maybe. I'm donating plasma so depends on how I'm feeling. When are you gonna come up again?
Me: I can't come up there every week unless you're coming here the same amount. I want to see you, but it feels like you're not even trying to see me.
Alex: I came down last Sunday.
Me: Yeah, you've been down to see me twice. How many times have I come up there to see you? Four. It has to go both ways. You have to make an effort.
Alex: It's difficult when I get off late and you live far. By the time I get there it'll be late and you often go to bed early. I can't help this schedule of mine. It's that time of year.
Me: 8 isn't late. You could be here by 9:30 and I'd stay up late, even if I have to be at work at 3:30am. If you want this to work, you've got to make an effort. I want to see you, but I don't want to be the only one trying.
Alex: You do realize it's Christmas and I'm a manager in a retail store so all my time is invested in work, so don't act like I'm not trying. At least you're at a job you love.
Me: I know you work hard and it's a crazy time of year for you. It's crazy for me, too. But just because I love my job doesn't mean I'm not exhausted after working 12 hours every day. All I'm asking is for you to invest a little time in me. If that's too much to ask, I want to know.
Alex: Right now it's hard
Me: I don't know what I'm supposed to tell you. You can make time for the gym and donating plasma, but not to come see me this weekend before I leave. I work a 12 hour shift and I'm willing to stay up late so I can spend time with you if you come to Provo, but it's too hard for you to do that.
Alex: I work out and donate plasma in the morning... when you're at work
Me: Then come see me at night. 8 isn't that late to be working.
Alex: Yeah
Me: Yeah what?
Alex: It's not that late.
Me: Okay, well now yo know what I want/need. Ball is in your court.
That was Friday night. He went home after work and didn't try to see me. Same story Saturday. By that point I had already decided that I was done trying to make anything work with him. It sounds harsh now that I look back on it, but the guy never even asked when I was coming back. He didn't say Merry Christmas to me. He didn't try to talk to me while I was gone. I wouldn't be so harsh on him if I hadn't already told him that the key things for me in a relationship are communication, conversation, and quality time.
When I first started seeing Alex, he told me all about how well he'd treat me. He said he'd bend over backwards for me and he'd shower me in surprises like flowers and little gifts and fun nights out. He said he knew I hadn't been treated well by men in the past and he was going to change that. He was supposed to set the bar for what a man should do to express interest, but he failed. I completely understand being busy, especially around the holidays. I work at a job that thrives on holiday sales, so all my time went to work, so I understand that he has been busy. However, this is the first month we've been dating. This is the honeymoon period of a relationship. We should be spending every waking moment with each other, sacrificing sleep and sanity in order to be with each other. I haven't felt that crazy desire to be around him all the time and, as is evident by his utter lack of trying, he hasn't either. I can't start a relationship with someone when we don't start off being stupid excited about each other.
Love should be mad, wild, and passionate. If it's lacking, I don't want it.
Cheers to 2014 being around the corner! New year, new adventures, new Leslie! I promise to write more. sorry!
Anyway, I know you want to know about Alex and what's going on there. Well, let me tell you! Alex and I have been seeing each other almost exclusively for about a month. As you know, it started on Thanksgiving when we sat together outside of Best Buy. We've both been busy with work, but we've made some time to see each other on our days off. He lives in Salt Lake, so it makes seeing each other often a little difficult, especially because I work early in the morning and he works in the evening, usually past when I go to bed. But we've seen each other on our days off, which seem to conveniently be on the same days. Usually I drive out there and we watch a movie, go shopping, or go out to dinner. The night generally concludes back at his mom's house (Yeah, he still lives at home. Is that a bad sign?) with the two of us spooning on the couch...which leads to us making out. Alex has some big lips, which are really nice to kiss. His style is growing on me, too.
When Alex makes the trek down to Provo to see me, which has only been twice in the month we've been seeing each other, I make him dinner and plan an activity. First we made a gingerbread house together, the next time we put together a puzzle. Well, more like Alex watched football and put together a puzzle and swatted my hands away when I tried to help or change the channel to something more interesting.
I look back on the first post I wrote about Alex and I kind of miss the giddiness and excitement I felt when he and I first started seeing each other. He texts me "Good Morning" and sends me goofy snapchats, but other than that, I feel as though all he ever has to say is, "What are you up to?" I don't know how many times I can tell him I've just gotten off work, out of the shower, or cooked dinner. My day to day life has been really monotonous lately. Maybe it's time to start making conversations about something else? Like Christmas, maybe? Or New Year's? Hell, ask me what my favorite animal is, so long as we're not talking about what I'm doing right that second.
As you can guess, I've started to have my doubts about whether or not Alex is the one for me. I mean, if a man cannot keep my mind excited for the first month of dating, what's going to happen five months from now? A year? Five years? Yeah, not really looking so great.
About a week before Christmas, things kind of took a dive for the two of us. I was leaving town the Sunday before Christmas and we hadn't seen each other since the previous Sunday. I asked a couple times if we'd see each other before I left and he always assured me we would. But when it came down to the last two nights I was in town, he said he was too tired to come see me.
Me: What are your plans tonight?
Alex: Work
Me: And tomorrow night, too?
Alex: 11-8 both days
Me: So...do I have to wait until after Christmas to see you?
Alex: I don't know. I don't have a day off until Christmas.
Me: I leave of Sunday. It would be really nice if you drove down after work either tonight or tomorrow. Preferably tonight because I'm going to work on Sunday before my plane leaves, so I should go to bed early tomorrow night.
Alex: Maybe. I'm donating plasma so depends on how I'm feeling. When are you gonna come up again?
Me: I can't come up there every week unless you're coming here the same amount. I want to see you, but it feels like you're not even trying to see me.
Alex: I came down last Sunday.
Me: Yeah, you've been down to see me twice. How many times have I come up there to see you? Four. It has to go both ways. You have to make an effort.
Alex: It's difficult when I get off late and you live far. By the time I get there it'll be late and you often go to bed early. I can't help this schedule of mine. It's that time of year.
Me: 8 isn't late. You could be here by 9:30 and I'd stay up late, even if I have to be at work at 3:30am. If you want this to work, you've got to make an effort. I want to see you, but I don't want to be the only one trying.
Alex: You do realize it's Christmas and I'm a manager in a retail store so all my time is invested in work, so don't act like I'm not trying. At least you're at a job you love.
Me: I know you work hard and it's a crazy time of year for you. It's crazy for me, too. But just because I love my job doesn't mean I'm not exhausted after working 12 hours every day. All I'm asking is for you to invest a little time in me. If that's too much to ask, I want to know.
Alex: Right now it's hard
Me: I don't know what I'm supposed to tell you. You can make time for the gym and donating plasma, but not to come see me this weekend before I leave. I work a 12 hour shift and I'm willing to stay up late so I can spend time with you if you come to Provo, but it's too hard for you to do that.
Alex: I work out and donate plasma in the morning... when you're at work
Me: Then come see me at night. 8 isn't that late to be working.
Alex: Yeah
Me: Yeah what?
Alex: It's not that late.
Me: Okay, well now yo know what I want/need. Ball is in your court.
That was Friday night. He went home after work and didn't try to see me. Same story Saturday. By that point I had already decided that I was done trying to make anything work with him. It sounds harsh now that I look back on it, but the guy never even asked when I was coming back. He didn't say Merry Christmas to me. He didn't try to talk to me while I was gone. I wouldn't be so harsh on him if I hadn't already told him that the key things for me in a relationship are communication, conversation, and quality time.
When I first started seeing Alex, he told me all about how well he'd treat me. He said he'd bend over backwards for me and he'd shower me in surprises like flowers and little gifts and fun nights out. He said he knew I hadn't been treated well by men in the past and he was going to change that. He was supposed to set the bar for what a man should do to express interest, but he failed. I completely understand being busy, especially around the holidays. I work at a job that thrives on holiday sales, so all my time went to work, so I understand that he has been busy. However, this is the first month we've been dating. This is the honeymoon period of a relationship. We should be spending every waking moment with each other, sacrificing sleep and sanity in order to be with each other. I haven't felt that crazy desire to be around him all the time and, as is evident by his utter lack of trying, he hasn't either. I can't start a relationship with someone when we don't start off being stupid excited about each other.
Love should be mad, wild, and passionate. If it's lacking, I don't want it.
Cheers to 2014 being around the corner! New year, new adventures, new Leslie! I promise to write more. sorry!
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Ask and Ye Shall Receive
So get this: I ask the universe for a holiday romance and it seems I may have stumbled upon that.
It's been about two weeks since I started talking to Alex. Right off the bat, I knew that he was a different kind of guy because he was clever and funny. He was sincere in his interest in me and last week he invited me out to do some black Friday shopping with him. I almost didn't go because I was so tired from Thanksgiving preparations, but I told myself, "What the heck. Might as well go and make something exciting out of the holiday!" So I got in my car and drove out to meet him.
Alex was sitting at the front of the line outside of Best Buy (big deal, I know!) and he and I sat together, covered in blankets and talked about everything we could think of. It was cold as balls out there, so Alex tucked our feet under the blankets and draped my legs over his lap, holding my hands in his to keep them warm. He confided in me about his childhood and the things that had happened to him then, he told me about how he didn't go on a mission and why, and he told me I'm beautiful. "I have a good feeling about you," he told me before I left for home.
Here is a guy who texts me good morning, makes plans to see me and follows through, and compliments me on my cooking, attitude, and smile. Alex is pretty great. Not to mention that he's a personal trainer and has a killer bod...seriously, his muscles? So big. I always want to be touching his arms.
He texted me today and said, "I think we should go see the lights at temple square as a fancy date night!" Um, yes please! Christmas, winter, romance, the temple, pretty lights? I AM SO IN. Alex, you're a pretty awesome guy. Maybe he can restore my faith in men. After all these failed attempts at dating and the terrible relationship I had with Kirk (who, by the way, has been telling me for months that he lives in Salt Lake and he wants to see me...but it turns out he hasn't even graduated yet! He's still in rexburg. What kind of asshole treats someone like that? I can't believe him.), Alex is a huge breath of fresh air.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Limbo
Let me tell you about my life right now.
I've moved to Provo and I have my dream job. I work a ridiculous amount of hours, but I'm happy to do it. When I'm not working, I'm usually at my apartment reading, cleaning, or sleeping. Okay, I also watched How I Met Your Mother season eight in its entirety this past week... But that's what I've been doing. Doesn't sound like a lot, right? Well, working 9-10 hours a day adds up to a lot, trust me.
When I'm not working or at my apartment, I've gotten in the habit of going on dates with guys from dating websites. It feels weird having this be my primary source of flirting and meeting new people, but I have to admit that I'm becoming more and more converted to the convenience of online dating (though I'm not sure it would be as successful outside of Provo.) If nothing else, then I've found a way of engaging in conversation, albeit not always interesting, to fill some of my down time.
Last weekend I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to for months. We talked on and off most of that time, since things were good and then we got busy and then we'd talk again. SO we finally went on a date. He was a gentleman and opened the doors for me. However, this doesn't mean that the date was amazing. We talked the entire three hours we spent sitting in Zupas, but that doesn't mean it was a good date. Honestly, I was ready to go home after an hour and a half. This guy kept talking over me and he never seemed to respond to what I was saying with interest, but rather with another story about him. I get that he wants me to learn about him, but it's a two way street. If I open up and tell you something personal to me, don't just gloss right over it. It was a turn off. I don't really want to go on another date with someone who seems indifferent to my life, yet expresses interest in seeing me again.
Is that too harsh of a judgement to make for a first date? That was my problem with Landon as well. Am I being too picky? Don't I have the right to be picky? I mean, look at my track record. I haven't had the best taste in guys over the past couple years, so I think I need to spend a bit of time evaluating whether or not I could have a future with these guys I'm going on dates with.
I'm stuck in limbo. Can't the universe be nice and send me a holiday romance? I swear, Christmas season makes me feel so romantic. I want to go with a guy to see the lights at temple square and hold hands and kiss under the mistletoe.
Yikes, I need to get my head out of the clouds.
I've moved to Provo and I have my dream job. I work a ridiculous amount of hours, but I'm happy to do it. When I'm not working, I'm usually at my apartment reading, cleaning, or sleeping. Okay, I also watched How I Met Your Mother season eight in its entirety this past week... But that's what I've been doing. Doesn't sound like a lot, right? Well, working 9-10 hours a day adds up to a lot, trust me.
When I'm not working or at my apartment, I've gotten in the habit of going on dates with guys from dating websites. It feels weird having this be my primary source of flirting and meeting new people, but I have to admit that I'm becoming more and more converted to the convenience of online dating (though I'm not sure it would be as successful outside of Provo.) If nothing else, then I've found a way of engaging in conversation, albeit not always interesting, to fill some of my down time.
Last weekend I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to for months. We talked on and off most of that time, since things were good and then we got busy and then we'd talk again. SO we finally went on a date. He was a gentleman and opened the doors for me. However, this doesn't mean that the date was amazing. We talked the entire three hours we spent sitting in Zupas, but that doesn't mean it was a good date. Honestly, I was ready to go home after an hour and a half. This guy kept talking over me and he never seemed to respond to what I was saying with interest, but rather with another story about him. I get that he wants me to learn about him, but it's a two way street. If I open up and tell you something personal to me, don't just gloss right over it. It was a turn off. I don't really want to go on another date with someone who seems indifferent to my life, yet expresses interest in seeing me again.
Is that too harsh of a judgement to make for a first date? That was my problem with Landon as well. Am I being too picky? Don't I have the right to be picky? I mean, look at my track record. I haven't had the best taste in guys over the past couple years, so I think I need to spend a bit of time evaluating whether or not I could have a future with these guys I'm going on dates with.
I'm stuck in limbo. Can't the universe be nice and send me a holiday romance? I swear, Christmas season makes me feel so romantic. I want to go with a guy to see the lights at temple square and hold hands and kiss under the mistletoe.
Yikes, I need to get my head out of the clouds.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Same Ol' Story
I've been slacking off on blogging and here's why: I feel like I've been having the same experience with guys over and over. It starts out with us hitting it off really well, going on a couple dates, kissing, and then it all dissolves. Take Milo, for example. He asked me out and we decided to go on a walk for our first date. It was that night a couple weeks ago that was super windy, but strangely warm.
It was a gorgeous night and the leaves were falling...Milo twirled me around and then held my hand as we walked around. Seriously, it was a great date, albeit simple. He was funny and we had a good time talking. The very next day he asked me to go out to dinner with him. We went to dinner and then went on a walk, during which he ended up kissing me. He wasn't a great kisser, but that was probably because he wasn't very experienced.
Sounds great, right? Yeah, it started out great, but a week after we first went on a date Milo ended up telling me that he couldn't date me because he has some family things going on and he wants to spend some time in November focusing on bettering himself. He told me again and again that it wasn't me, it was him. But then he started lecturing me on how to get a guy to respect me. Which, Milo says, will only happen if I say no when a guy tries to kiss me. "I know that makes me a douchebag, because I kissed you on the second date, but I guess I'm a douchebag." Yeah, he said that to me. I was pissed. You don't ask me out on several dates, share romantic moments with me, then kiss me in a perfect moment on a bridge on a beautiful Autumn night, only to basically tell me that I'm too easy and no guy will respect me. I think that goes beyond douchebaggery. No, then you're just being an asshole. Even if you wanted to date me, Milo, you aren't man enough for me. Ciao, sucker!
Soooo yeah. That's kind of been my dating life as of late. In other words, very unsuccessful.
I apologize for slacking. I'm going to see what I can do about writing something NOT about my failing dating life. Ya'll are great!
It was a gorgeous night and the leaves were falling...Milo twirled me around and then held my hand as we walked around. Seriously, it was a great date, albeit simple. He was funny and we had a good time talking. The very next day he asked me to go out to dinner with him. We went to dinner and then went on a walk, during which he ended up kissing me. He wasn't a great kisser, but that was probably because he wasn't very experienced.
Sounds great, right? Yeah, it started out great, but a week after we first went on a date Milo ended up telling me that he couldn't date me because he has some family things going on and he wants to spend some time in November focusing on bettering himself. He told me again and again that it wasn't me, it was him. But then he started lecturing me on how to get a guy to respect me. Which, Milo says, will only happen if I say no when a guy tries to kiss me. "I know that makes me a douchebag, because I kissed you on the second date, but I guess I'm a douchebag." Yeah, he said that to me. I was pissed. You don't ask me out on several dates, share romantic moments with me, then kiss me in a perfect moment on a bridge on a beautiful Autumn night, only to basically tell me that I'm too easy and no guy will respect me. I think that goes beyond douchebaggery. No, then you're just being an asshole. Even if you wanted to date me, Milo, you aren't man enough for me. Ciao, sucker!
Soooo yeah. That's kind of been my dating life as of late. In other words, very unsuccessful.
I apologize for slacking. I'm going to see what I can do about writing something NOT about my failing dating life. Ya'll are great!
Monday, October 28, 2013
Ten Days Later
I'm beginning to think that Provo has been a bad influence on my dating habits. True, I've been on a lot of dates in my time here and the guys here are much more willing to ask a lady out than the guys in Rexburg, but there are also a lot of them that want to just make out. Part of me hates it, part of me loves it. I kind of really enjoy kissing. However, there is a part of me that is wondering when this streak of one or two time Joes is going to end.
So what happened to Dean? We talked. He said he's not looking to date and he knows I am and he doesn't want to get in the way of that. He said he's got a lot on his plate right now and "it wouldn't be fair for you to not have the attention that you would deserve from me if we dated." And that is that. We still talk and flirt. I wouldn't be opposed to spending time with him, but we haven't seen each other. Dean is a good guy, but we just weren't meant to be. Bummer.
But you know what? I'm done being the girl who wallows in sadness and pines over the guy who didn't want a relationship. You don't want to date me? That's okay. We had fun. Time to move on!
So, only ten days after my tryst (if it can even be called that), I've found myself riding on the coat talks of a very eventful weekend.
Friday night I grabbed my roommate and went on a double date with a couple guys from Tinder. Yeah, yeah, Tinder is a wasteland of very thirsty people. But we felt bold, so we went and had a good time. I've haven't been to an arcade since my grade school friend Princess (yes, that was her given name) had her fourteenth birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. It was so fun! There's something really satisfying about getting tickets to come out of a machine by the tens. My date was an interesting guy. He definitely wasn't my type, but we had fun anyway. After we spent all our nickles, all four of us spent our tickets on dart guns and then had an all out war in the parking lot. Sometimes it feels really good to act like a total kid. Twenty four? Me? Naaahhhh ;)
Now, I'd continue the epic tales of my weekend, but I'm having some serious trouble staying awake right now. Apparently that's what working for ten hours will do to you.
Tomorrow you get to be introduced to Milo. :)
So what happened to Dean? We talked. He said he's not looking to date and he knows I am and he doesn't want to get in the way of that. He said he's got a lot on his plate right now and "it wouldn't be fair for you to not have the attention that you would deserve from me if we dated." And that is that. We still talk and flirt. I wouldn't be opposed to spending time with him, but we haven't seen each other. Dean is a good guy, but we just weren't meant to be. Bummer.
But you know what? I'm done being the girl who wallows in sadness and pines over the guy who didn't want a relationship. You don't want to date me? That's okay. We had fun. Time to move on!
So, only ten days after my tryst (if it can even be called that), I've found myself riding on the coat talks of a very eventful weekend.
Friday night I grabbed my roommate and went on a double date with a couple guys from Tinder. Yeah, yeah, Tinder is a wasteland of very thirsty people. But we felt bold, so we went and had a good time. I've haven't been to an arcade since my grade school friend Princess (yes, that was her given name) had her fourteenth birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. It was so fun! There's something really satisfying about getting tickets to come out of a machine by the tens. My date was an interesting guy. He definitely wasn't my type, but we had fun anyway. After we spent all our nickles, all four of us spent our tickets on dart guns and then had an all out war in the parking lot. Sometimes it feels really good to act like a total kid. Twenty four? Me? Naaahhhh ;)
Now, I'd continue the epic tales of my weekend, but I'm having some serious trouble staying awake right now. Apparently that's what working for ten hours will do to you.
Tomorrow you get to be introduced to Milo. :)
Friday, October 18, 2013
Fingertips
There came a point in the conversation with Dean when we both kind of realized that we were going to kiss. I teased him about setting the kissing standard pretty high, which he expressed some regret over because he didn't want to make my expectations too high because he didn't want me to be let down. Friends, you can only be let down when it comes to kissing if you're kissing. Well, I suppose you can let down by not kissing at all....but we're talking skill level. You can't be disappointed about skill level if you don't get to test it out.
When I realized that Dean and I would probably kiss, I felt really nervous. Nervous, but also excited. Dean is really interesting. He's quiet and pretty reserved. It intrigues me. I want to know more about him. I want to be curl up on the couch and watch movies and then tell each other secrets while the credits roll.
He came over one night last week in order to share his big, cozy blanket with me. We picked a movie and started it. He said, "Don't turn it up too loud, because I want to be able to talk to you." and my heart flip flopped. He and I cuddled up on the couch and he put his arm around me. It was really nice. There's just something really exciting about cuddling up with someone for the first time. You get to break down barriers and feel each others' skin. You get to allow your fingertips to trace theirs and feel the back of their hand. It was a little bit exhilarating to feel Dean's fingers brushing over the skin on my cheek, and then slowly down my arms.
Our heads were pressed close. We were both tilting towards each other and then we kissed. I was caught up in this perfect moment between him and me. Even though the bar was set pretty high for him, Dean didn't disappoint. When two people kiss and you're able to read each other's movements, it's really enjoyable. I haven't experienced that in a while. He and I just worked together. It was a really good make out. You want to know something about quiet boys? They're the aggressive kissers. I dig it.
So Dean and I kissed pretty quick. It's given us a bit of pause and something to think about. However, I like him. I'm not ready to give up on the possibility of something just yet. I don't know what will happen. He's pretty closed off. I hope I can break him out of his shell and really get him to tell me what he's thinking and feeling, rather than just getting vague answers. I don't want to waste my time, but I don't want to give up.
I'm starting to think that I really suck at this whole dating thing.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
"Hey Lady"
Sometimes people come into our lives who affect us in ways we didn't anticipate, not even in the slightest.
I think Dean is one of those people.
Things started out innocently, with talk of business and blogging. Asking for my input and advice? Not a problem. I'm all over that. But then we started talking about other things and, before I knew it, the entire day had slipped by and we were still talking. He made it effortless to open up and tell him about myself. He did the same. The flirting was subtle, but fun. I didn't think much of our interaction, except that I was excited for the blog growth opportunities that were ahead. Yeah, I admit it, I was driven by completely selfish motives. Okay, the flirting wasn't bad either.
I can't say what it was exactly, but Dean is interesting. He's smart and clever and ambitious. Something about him made me completely comfortable enough to drop the act and tell him who I am. I even invited him over to take a dip in the hot tub with me. Usually when I go down to the hot tub, I stay for about forty five minutes and then I'm done. Me and Dean? We were out there for about two hours just talking. It was fantastic, albeit a little bit awkward meeting for the first time, not really knowing each other except for talking for a couple days beforehand. You know what? I had a great time. I really enjoyed talking to Dean and getting to know him better.
I don't know why, but I was surprised when after Dean and I met for the first time that our conversations didn't become less flirty. He's a great looking guy and could easily get any girl. For whatever reason, I just felt like things would change and he wouldn't be as fun to talk to...but he didn't change. No, instead we continued to talk and continued to flirt. He sent me texts that said, "Hey lady" and I felt my knees weakening. I didn't mean to start nurturing a crush. I didn't mean to kind of fall for him.
Um...oops?
I think Dean is one of those people.
Things started out innocently, with talk of business and blogging. Asking for my input and advice? Not a problem. I'm all over that. But then we started talking about other things and, before I knew it, the entire day had slipped by and we were still talking. He made it effortless to open up and tell him about myself. He did the same. The flirting was subtle, but fun. I didn't think much of our interaction, except that I was excited for the blog growth opportunities that were ahead. Yeah, I admit it, I was driven by completely selfish motives. Okay, the flirting wasn't bad either.
I can't say what it was exactly, but Dean is interesting. He's smart and clever and ambitious. Something about him made me completely comfortable enough to drop the act and tell him who I am. I even invited him over to take a dip in the hot tub with me. Usually when I go down to the hot tub, I stay for about forty five minutes and then I'm done. Me and Dean? We were out there for about two hours just talking. It was fantastic, albeit a little bit awkward meeting for the first time, not really knowing each other except for talking for a couple days beforehand. You know what? I had a great time. I really enjoyed talking to Dean and getting to know him better.
I don't know why, but I was surprised when after Dean and I met for the first time that our conversations didn't become less flirty. He's a great looking guy and could easily get any girl. For whatever reason, I just felt like things would change and he wouldn't be as fun to talk to...but he didn't change. No, instead we continued to talk and continued to flirt. He sent me texts that said, "Hey lady" and I felt my knees weakening. I didn't mean to start nurturing a crush. I didn't mean to kind of fall for him.
Um...oops?
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Waters of the Web
Having a single parent is a weird thing. All of the sudden my dad wants to have dating chats with me. He wants to tell me how hard it is to go on dates and to feel like you should like someone because you know they're a good person, but you just don't feel romantically toward them. I know, Dad. I know. Please stop talking to me about dating. This is weird.
His latest thing is asking me what's wrong with the men in Provo/Idaho/all over YSA wards.
"Why don't they ask young ladies out on dates?"
"How do you date people if the men aren't doing their job and asking?"
"Why is hanging out such a big thing?"
"I don't understand why you're still single"
"Those young men should be asking you out."
DAD. STOP. This is worse than the time I was dating Kirk and my Dad was dating a woman he was thinking about marrying. "We could have a double wedding, Leslie! How great would that be?" Nice try, but I'm having my own wedding day.
I'm getting off on a tangent. Apparently this whole Dad thing is weighing on my mind a little bit more than I realized. Anyway...
I had a conversation with my dad last weekend about dating, like we usually do these days, and he asked me what my thoughts are on internet dating. Oh boy, big question. We live in a modern age, right? People are turning to internet dating more and more. Is it because we have busier schedules? Because we're more comfortable hiding behind a computer screen than actually approaching someone and striking up a conversation? I don't know, maybe it's just becoming less and less and more, well, normal. Whatever the reason, more and more people are turning to internet dating.
A couple weeks ago my roommate and I were watching TV and an add for Match.com came on. "Hey Leslie," she said, turning to me "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna set up a Match.com profile!" I didn't think she was serious, but a few minutes later she told me she had decided not to because that site costs money. Instead of paying money for internet dating, she and I decided that we'd both set up accounts on a free site. It was kind of weird at first, answering all sorts of questions about myself and my dating habits, but then I told myself that it's not really much different than Tinder and it's not like I'm going to be seriously using it, so I might as well have fun.
So accounts were set up. Profiles were filled out. Pictures were uploaded. Let the online dating games begin.
My inbox was flooded with messages, but most of them were from creepers. Apparently if you're not LDS living in Utah, you internet date. And, if you're not LDS and you're internet dating, it is a prerequisite to be a complete creeper. Yeah, lots of guys were disregarded and I almost deactivated my account because it felt like a lost cause. However, through talking to a handful of men I ended up talking to two guys who are really pretty awesome.
One guy, Dylan, is super normal and really interesting. He's LDS and active. He's smart, funny, and into a lot of the same music that I am. We've talked about meeting up with each other but we haven't made nay definite plans yet. We'll see!
The second guy is Jarom. He's a third grade teacher and he's a firecracker. He served his mission in Paris and is a food enthusiast, like myself. Jarom and I went on a date on Monday night. He picked me up and we went on a drive through the Provo canyon to see all the Fall foliage. It was simple and really fun! He's got a huge personality. He's kind of a theater type person in the sense that he speaks with melody in his voice and sometimes sings or uses an accent. I used to be more like that in high school but since then I've mellowed out. Still, it was fun being with someone who reminded me of my younger, crazier self.
Here's the weird thing about my date with Jarom: It ended well. He took me home and he opened the car door and we shared a nice, lingering hug goodbye. He thanked me for a nice time. A few hours later I sent him a text thanking him for taking me out...and I haven't heard anything from him since. I'm trying not to be disappointed, but I am a little saddened.
I don't know. Maybe internet dating just isn't something I should be spending any time on. Sorry, Dad!
A couple weeks ago my roommate and I were watching TV and an add for Match.com came on. "Hey Leslie," she said, turning to me "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna set up a Match.com profile!" I didn't think she was serious, but a few minutes later she told me she had decided not to because that site costs money. Instead of paying money for internet dating, she and I decided that we'd both set up accounts on a free site. It was kind of weird at first, answering all sorts of questions about myself and my dating habits, but then I told myself that it's not really much different than Tinder and it's not like I'm going to be seriously using it, so I might as well have fun.
So accounts were set up. Profiles were filled out. Pictures were uploaded. Let the online dating games begin.
My inbox was flooded with messages, but most of them were from creepers. Apparently if you're not LDS living in Utah, you internet date. And, if you're not LDS and you're internet dating, it is a prerequisite to be a complete creeper. Yeah, lots of guys were disregarded and I almost deactivated my account because it felt like a lost cause. However, through talking to a handful of men I ended up talking to two guys who are really pretty awesome.
One guy, Dylan, is super normal and really interesting. He's LDS and active. He's smart, funny, and into a lot of the same music that I am. We've talked about meeting up with each other but we haven't made nay definite plans yet. We'll see!
The second guy is Jarom. He's a third grade teacher and he's a firecracker. He served his mission in Paris and is a food enthusiast, like myself. Jarom and I went on a date on Monday night. He picked me up and we went on a drive through the Provo canyon to see all the Fall foliage. It was simple and really fun! He's got a huge personality. He's kind of a theater type person in the sense that he speaks with melody in his voice and sometimes sings or uses an accent. I used to be more like that in high school but since then I've mellowed out. Still, it was fun being with someone who reminded me of my younger, crazier self.
Here's the weird thing about my date with Jarom: It ended well. He took me home and he opened the car door and we shared a nice, lingering hug goodbye. He thanked me for a nice time. A few hours later I sent him a text thanking him for taking me out...and I haven't heard anything from him since. I'm trying not to be disappointed, but I am a little saddened.
I don't know. Maybe internet dating just isn't something I should be spending any time on. Sorry, Dad!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Leslie Responds to The LDS Dating Guru
It would appear that some of you men have your panties in a bunch (can I use that with men?) over the last post. Calm down. First of all, if you don't agree with it, then don't take his advice. Secondly, are you a woman? Do you have experience in attracting a man? Speaking as a woman with plenty of experience in attracting men and trying to figure out how to better do that, The Libertarian offered some good advice.
He told us gals to stop doing a few things in order to get a man.
1. "Stop being the girl that sits and says nothing during FHE"
What's so bad about this advice? All he's saying is to stop being a wallflower because being a wallflower won't get you anywhere. You want a man? You have to do something in order to be noticed and men won't notice a quiet wallflower.
2. "Bring a platter of cookies over to his apartment"
Elder Oaks once said for young women to not do this. I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but I admit that my cooking/baking skills are superior. I'm guilty of using this to my advantage, mentioning to guys what a phenomenal cook I am and conveniently having tons of baked goods at my apartment when guys come over. Don't get me wrong, I stick to Elder Oaks' advice in the sense that I don't let men take advantage of my willingness to cook and bake. I give them a taste of what I can do, but then make them work for more.
3. "Adding him on Facebook"
Not sure about this one. Too eager? Might come off as a stalker? I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but the hype about Facebook and being friends with everyone you know is kind of falling flat with me. I don't really care about Facebook any more.
4. "Asking him about where he went to high school"
Try college. Try asking current questions about his life. Asking about high school only works when you're in high school.
5. "Bearing your testimony"
Okay, I slightly agree and slightly disagree with this one. I think there is a time and a place for the bearing of testimonies. I find a man with a testimony to be highly attractive and would hope he thinks the same about mine. However, on most dates bearing your testimony isn't really the time or place unless the conversation leads you to such a moment, which is rare. Yes, testimonies are attractive. No, I don't think dates are appropriate places to bear them, nor do I think you should have to bear your testimony in order to attract a mate.
6. "Asking nonstop mission questions"
This kind of goes along with the high school one. There's more to a man than his mission, make an effort to get to know all about him. After a while that one topic gets boring. Missions are great, but there is more to life than missions.
Probably the biggest thing that was disagreed with in the Libertarian's post was his experience with girls with "extra pounds." It's no secret that men are visual creatures. It's no secret that, in general, skinnier, more fit girls get more guys. This is nothing new! Just like us girls drool over actors like Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman, men would love the chance to walk into the room with a girl who clearly takes care of herself. Even I said that us ladies need to hit the gym and do something about our appearance to feel more confident. Looking good makes you feel good about yourself, which boosts your confidence, which makes you happier, which makes you more attractive to the opposite sex.
Besides, the Libertarian's final point about that girl was she was demanding, which is why he ended things with her, not because she was a little more full figured. See? Weight wasn't the deal breaker, personality was. GOSH. Stop getting so worked up by the mention of weight. It's not the most important factor!
Anyway...He also offered a few tips on what to do in order to get a man.
1. "Smile"
Hmm...this sounds familiar. Pretty sure I told you ladies to smile not that long ago...
2. "Approach him"
The key part of this point is that the Libertarian didn't say "Go ask him out," he simply meant that it goes a long way when a girl has the courage and confidence to approach a guy first and strike up a conversation. It exhibits confidence and men like confidence.
3. "Compliment his clothes, ask if he works out, touch his arm, and tease him"
All of this can be summed up with this: Ladies, you need to flirt! If you want a guy to notice you, you have to make sure he notices you noticing him. Remember when I said you need to try your hand at some obvious flirting? This is the kind of thing I meant.
4. "Touch him, FLIRT it up!"
Hear that, girls? Flirting goes a long way. You've got to be obvious and confident. Have fun with it! Express interest. Keep him engaged with lively conversation. Touch him. Compliment him.
The Libertarian of Love knows what he's talking about, and I like to think I do, too.
He told us gals to stop doing a few things in order to get a man.
1. "Stop being the girl that sits and says nothing during FHE"
What's so bad about this advice? All he's saying is to stop being a wallflower because being a wallflower won't get you anywhere. You want a man? You have to do something in order to be noticed and men won't notice a quiet wallflower.
2. "Bring a platter of cookies over to his apartment"
Elder Oaks once said for young women to not do this. I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but I admit that my cooking/baking skills are superior. I'm guilty of using this to my advantage, mentioning to guys what a phenomenal cook I am and conveniently having tons of baked goods at my apartment when guys come over. Don't get me wrong, I stick to Elder Oaks' advice in the sense that I don't let men take advantage of my willingness to cook and bake. I give them a taste of what I can do, but then make them work for more.
3. "Adding him on Facebook"
Not sure about this one. Too eager? Might come off as a stalker? I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but the hype about Facebook and being friends with everyone you know is kind of falling flat with me. I don't really care about Facebook any more.
4. "Asking him about where he went to high school"
Try college. Try asking current questions about his life. Asking about high school only works when you're in high school.
5. "Bearing your testimony"
Okay, I slightly agree and slightly disagree with this one. I think there is a time and a place for the bearing of testimonies. I find a man with a testimony to be highly attractive and would hope he thinks the same about mine. However, on most dates bearing your testimony isn't really the time or place unless the conversation leads you to such a moment, which is rare. Yes, testimonies are attractive. No, I don't think dates are appropriate places to bear them, nor do I think you should have to bear your testimony in order to attract a mate.
6. "Asking nonstop mission questions"
This kind of goes along with the high school one. There's more to a man than his mission, make an effort to get to know all about him. After a while that one topic gets boring. Missions are great, but there is more to life than missions.
Probably the biggest thing that was disagreed with in the Libertarian's post was his experience with girls with "extra pounds." It's no secret that men are visual creatures. It's no secret that, in general, skinnier, more fit girls get more guys. This is nothing new! Just like us girls drool over actors like Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman, men would love the chance to walk into the room with a girl who clearly takes care of herself. Even I said that us ladies need to hit the gym and do something about our appearance to feel more confident. Looking good makes you feel good about yourself, which boosts your confidence, which makes you happier, which makes you more attractive to the opposite sex.
Besides, the Libertarian's final point about that girl was she was demanding, which is why he ended things with her, not because she was a little more full figured. See? Weight wasn't the deal breaker, personality was. GOSH. Stop getting so worked up by the mention of weight. It's not the most important factor!
Anyway...He also offered a few tips on what to do in order to get a man.
1. "Smile"
Hmm...this sounds familiar. Pretty sure I told you ladies to smile not that long ago...
2. "Approach him"
The key part of this point is that the Libertarian didn't say "Go ask him out," he simply meant that it goes a long way when a girl has the courage and confidence to approach a guy first and strike up a conversation. It exhibits confidence and men like confidence.
3. "Compliment his clothes, ask if he works out, touch his arm, and tease him"
All of this can be summed up with this: Ladies, you need to flirt! If you want a guy to notice you, you have to make sure he notices you noticing him. Remember when I said you need to try your hand at some obvious flirting? This is the kind of thing I meant.
4. "Touch him, FLIRT it up!"
Hear that, girls? Flirting goes a long way. You've got to be obvious and confident. Have fun with it! Express interest. Keep him engaged with lively conversation. Touch him. Compliment him.
The Libertarian of Love knows what he's talking about, and I like to think I do, too.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Guest Post: The LDS Dating Guru
As some of you may recall I have started talking to the guys behind the LDS Dating Guru blog (and now they have a new website). Over the month or so that we've been chatting and exchanging blogging advice, we've spent some time discussing doing guest posts for each other. One of their authors, The Libertarian of Love, has graciously written a post for my blog. These guys have a different style and approach than I do, but some of what they say is really sound advice and they are always entertaining.
Give them a chance! If you can read my blog and suffer through all the times I took Kirk back and still support me, you can definitely give these great guys a chance. Without further ado...
How To Get a Date
by The Libertarian of Love
Give them a chance! If you can read my blog and suffer through all the times I took Kirk back and still support me, you can definitely give these great guys a chance. Without further ado...
How To Get a Date
by The Libertarian of Love
One surefire way to make an LDS man ask you on a date. First off lets talk about what wont get you asked on a date.
- Being the girl that sits and says nothing during FHE.
- Bringing a platter of cookies over to his apartment.
- Adding him on Facebook
- Asking him about where he went to high school
- Bearing your testimony
- Asking non stop mission questions.
The next point I bring up may seem cruel, but you need to know this. If you weigh more than the man you are asking out, you will not get a date. If you are over weight, you must work harder for a date. You can call us men shallow.. and we are. However just like you like to brag about how cute, sweet, caring, smart your BF is. Guys like to be able to have a girl that they will bring home and not have they're father make fun of them with "well she seems nice."
I'll be honest I've made out with one or two women with a few extra pounds in my day. They were fantastic kissers BTW. However could i bring her around my friends? Well I did once, and I was mocked more than Miley Cyrus. Worst thing was SHE WAS DEMANDING so much so I ended it. But I digress...
What women need to do to land a date.
- Smile- I mean until your cheeks hurt (yes as males we notice.)
- Approach- Don't give me this man up speech, no man ever labeled a girl a whore for going out of her way to say hi. But don't just say hi ask him all about himself.
- Compliment his clothes, ask if he works out, touch his arm, and most of all TEASE HIM!!
- Touch him, FLIRT it up.
Now tons of you girls are going "Well I'm not going to be labeled as the girl who just flirts with a million boys". BLAH BLAH BLAH Will your boyfriend care once you start dating that you flirted with boys in the past? NOOOOPE, and as far as the girls that will say nasty things about you. Who cares? Will you and your future husband/boyfriend and you sit around and talk about everyone else? nope.
Offer the guy something unique.
- Concert tickets- "dude this chick invited me to go to green day with her!"
- NBA Game- "Jenny invited me to the game with her.... Lebron's going down."
- If you, or your family has some really awesome firearms invite him to go shooting with you guys.
- Gift certificates- "Hey John, I have a gift certificate to the Texas road house and you should come with."
- Tell the guy he is cute and you would love a date with him- If a man is attracted at all.. 90% chance you land a date with this one line.
You have to make him a great offer. Most of all be POSITIVE the entire date, and make it OBVIOUS that you find him attractive, and/or you like him.
Good luck ladies!
and make sure to check out our blog www.mormondatingguru.blogspot.
and website www.mormondatingguru.com
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Beating the BYU Ratio
When I started school at BYU-Idaho the boy to girl ratio was about 1:3. Over the years it's evened out a little bit, so it's probably closer to 1:2 now, but even when I left it felt like the amount of eligible guys to girls was still around 1:3, if not worse. As a pretty average girl, it was hard to beat the odds. I wasn't very aggressive in dating, so I didn't end up going on a lot of dates like the more aggressive girls did.
I don't know much about the ratio at BYU, but I've been told it's close to 1:2 guys to girls. So I guess it's probably the same situation as BYU-Idaho...? amiright?
So how does one beat these odds? It's a different game for guys and girls, as it usually is. Guys have to learn how to man up and ask a girl out. Girls have to learn how to rise above the sea of other women. It's a challenge.
MEN
You've got to be ballsy. You've got to narrow in on one girl who piques your interest and then pursue her. Girls are going to lose interest in you if they see that you can't make up your mind and you want to chase every cute girl who crosses your path. That kind of behavior will cause you to be labeled a PLAYER. Is that the reputation you want? Hopefully not.
Okay, so you've picked your one girl. Now what? How do you manage to keep her interest? Play it cool. Don't be over eager, but don't leave the girl hanging, either. Ask her out. Do something simple for the first date, and make sure it doesn't last a million hours. You might want to go get ice cream, then go on a walk, then watch a movie, then stay snuggled on the couch with her for hours. Trust me! Hold off. Don't do it all on the first date. It's too fast. You'll burn through the whole chase and catch phases of a relationship in one night and, chances are, your relationship will peak and burn quickly.
It's hard to prolong the chase phase of a relationship when you are really into a girl and she seems pretty into you, too. DO NOT DO IT. Trust me on this one, guys. Draw out the chase. Let the anticipation build. You'll thank me.
It's really that simple, men. Nut up, pick one, go for it, don't rush it.
WOMEN
There are a few different groups of women at the BYU schools. There is a fairly small group of modelesque, gorgeous girls. These are the girls that all the guys are chasing. When people joke that 1% of the ward gets 99% of the dates, it's these girls who are the 1%. Then you have the small-ish group of weird/awkward/sweet spirits. There tend to be quite a few of these girls and they are (typically) one extreme or the other. They are either SUPER vocal and obnoxious, or they are super quiet and mousy. These are the two types of girls that get noticed the most, whether or not it's good noticing or not so good noticing.
What about the rest of us? The normal girls who aren't gorgeous, but who aren't plain Janes? We tend to fall through the cracks and fade into the background, yet we're the largest group of girls. What the heck?? Girls, don't let yourself be just an average girl. I've tried so hard to fight against just being an average girl. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I'm pretty. I know that I've got something to offer, I just have to go the extra mile to be noticed.
How do you get noticed? Own who you are. If you're uncomfortable in your own skin, guys will notice and be repelled. No one wants to date someone who doesn't know how to be content with life on their own. So start by doing things to boost your confidence in yourself. Hit the gym, buy an outfit that makes you feel gorgeous just by looking at it, and smile! When you feel good about yourself, you'll immediately start radiating a gravitating confidence. Men like confident women.
Once you've built up your self image, try your hand at some obvious flirting. Like the guys, you have to narrow your sights. Flirt lightly with all the cute guys you encounter, but lay it on really thick with the one guy you really want to snag. Make sure he knows who you are. Strike up conversation with him, touch his arm when he talks, and laugh when he says funny things. Mention that it would be fun to do certain things with him. Make him know that you want to spend time with him.
It's a lot of work to be successful in the BYU/BYU-Idaho dating world. The ratio is weird and some of the people are weird. The key is this: you can't just sit on your butt waiting for someone spectacular to fall into your life and whisk you away to the temple. You've got to work, whether you're a guy or a girl.
I don't know much about the ratio at BYU, but I've been told it's close to 1:2 guys to girls. So I guess it's probably the same situation as BYU-Idaho...? amiright?
So how does one beat these odds? It's a different game for guys and girls, as it usually is. Guys have to learn how to man up and ask a girl out. Girls have to learn how to rise above the sea of other women. It's a challenge.
MEN
You've got to be ballsy. You've got to narrow in on one girl who piques your interest and then pursue her. Girls are going to lose interest in you if they see that you can't make up your mind and you want to chase every cute girl who crosses your path. That kind of behavior will cause you to be labeled a PLAYER. Is that the reputation you want? Hopefully not.
Okay, so you've picked your one girl. Now what? How do you manage to keep her interest? Play it cool. Don't be over eager, but don't leave the girl hanging, either. Ask her out. Do something simple for the first date, and make sure it doesn't last a million hours. You might want to go get ice cream, then go on a walk, then watch a movie, then stay snuggled on the couch with her for hours. Trust me! Hold off. Don't do it all on the first date. It's too fast. You'll burn through the whole chase and catch phases of a relationship in one night and, chances are, your relationship will peak and burn quickly.
It's hard to prolong the chase phase of a relationship when you are really into a girl and she seems pretty into you, too. DO NOT DO IT. Trust me on this one, guys. Draw out the chase. Let the anticipation build. You'll thank me.
It's really that simple, men. Nut up, pick one, go for it, don't rush it.
WOMEN
There are a few different groups of women at the BYU schools. There is a fairly small group of modelesque, gorgeous girls. These are the girls that all the guys are chasing. When people joke that 1% of the ward gets 99% of the dates, it's these girls who are the 1%. Then you have the small-ish group of weird/awkward/sweet spirits. There tend to be quite a few of these girls and they are (typically) one extreme or the other. They are either SUPER vocal and obnoxious, or they are super quiet and mousy. These are the two types of girls that get noticed the most, whether or not it's good noticing or not so good noticing.
What about the rest of us? The normal girls who aren't gorgeous, but who aren't plain Janes? We tend to fall through the cracks and fade into the background, yet we're the largest group of girls. What the heck?? Girls, don't let yourself be just an average girl. I've tried so hard to fight against just being an average girl. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I'm pretty. I know that I've got something to offer, I just have to go the extra mile to be noticed.
How do you get noticed? Own who you are. If you're uncomfortable in your own skin, guys will notice and be repelled. No one wants to date someone who doesn't know how to be content with life on their own. So start by doing things to boost your confidence in yourself. Hit the gym, buy an outfit that makes you feel gorgeous just by looking at it, and smile! When you feel good about yourself, you'll immediately start radiating a gravitating confidence. Men like confident women.
Once you've built up your self image, try your hand at some obvious flirting. Like the guys, you have to narrow your sights. Flirt lightly with all the cute guys you encounter, but lay it on really thick with the one guy you really want to snag. Make sure he knows who you are. Strike up conversation with him, touch his arm when he talks, and laugh when he says funny things. Mention that it would be fun to do certain things with him. Make him know that you want to spend time with him.
It's a lot of work to be successful in the BYU/BYU-Idaho dating world. The ratio is weird and some of the people are weird. The key is this: you can't just sit on your butt waiting for someone spectacular to fall into your life and whisk you away to the temple. You've got to work, whether you're a guy or a girl.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Ring Check
It should be required by law to wear a wedding band or engagement ring, even if you're a guy. Actually, especially if you're a guy. I can't tell you how many times, both in Utah and at BYU-Idaho, I did a ring check on a guy, he wasn't wearing one, so I proceeded to flirt up a storm. And then it takes them forever to mention their fiance or wife! I don't understand it. All men should have to wear a ring as indication that they are not fair game. It would save us flirty girls a bit of embarrassment.
I started a new job here in Utah. I love it, it keeps me busy, it pays the bills, and I have a really fun, attractive coworker. Most of the people who work there are married girls, so when I noticed that this guy didn't have a ring, I got a little excited and turned up the flirting. His name is Anthony. He's one of the managers and our positions end up interacting a lot when it's a busy day, so he and I are always helping each other out and getting things done.
We work in a restaurant, so things are tight back where we're moving around and getting food out and Anthony and I are always dancing around each other trying to be quick and efficient. Completely on accident, my hand will brush his as we pass by each other and he'll say something like, "What are you trying to do, hold my hand??" and laugh and smile his cute smile at me. We tease each other nonstop.
Yesterday a freak monsoon came out of nowhere and hit right as he and I were both getting off work. I usually take the bus, but the bus system was all messed up because of football traffic, the rain, and downed power lines. My roommate said it would take her forever to come get me, so Anthony offered me a ride. I accepted, since it's only about a ten minute ride and it would be way better than waiting for my roommate. Our conversation was really good and he was asking me all kinds of questions about school and life and dating. He asked if I was single and teased me a little bit. Then we hit traffic, since the roads were flooded.
The ten minute drive ended up taking an hour and a half. About half an hour into it Anthony mentioned that he's got a wife. And then he mentioned that he has kids! It just about blew my mind and I suddenly felt extremely awkward. Awkward for another hour! Not only did I feel bad that driving me home was taking so long and that I had been flirting with a married man, but also that I was keeping him from getting home to his kids and wife. I can't even describe to you how awful I felt.
This is why men need to wear rings. I'm probably going to ask my fiance to wear a ring when we're engaged and I'm most certainly going to have him wear a ring when we're married. What's the point of a ring check if half the married men don't wear rings? C'mon, dudes! Get your act together!
I started a new job here in Utah. I love it, it keeps me busy, it pays the bills, and I have a really fun, attractive coworker. Most of the people who work there are married girls, so when I noticed that this guy didn't have a ring, I got a little excited and turned up the flirting. His name is Anthony. He's one of the managers and our positions end up interacting a lot when it's a busy day, so he and I are always helping each other out and getting things done.
We work in a restaurant, so things are tight back where we're moving around and getting food out and Anthony and I are always dancing around each other trying to be quick and efficient. Completely on accident, my hand will brush his as we pass by each other and he'll say something like, "What are you trying to do, hold my hand??" and laugh and smile his cute smile at me. We tease each other nonstop.
Yesterday a freak monsoon came out of nowhere and hit right as he and I were both getting off work. I usually take the bus, but the bus system was all messed up because of football traffic, the rain, and downed power lines. My roommate said it would take her forever to come get me, so Anthony offered me a ride. I accepted, since it's only about a ten minute ride and it would be way better than waiting for my roommate. Our conversation was really good and he was asking me all kinds of questions about school and life and dating. He asked if I was single and teased me a little bit. Then we hit traffic, since the roads were flooded.
The ten minute drive ended up taking an hour and a half. About half an hour into it Anthony mentioned that he's got a wife. And then he mentioned that he has kids! It just about blew my mind and I suddenly felt extremely awkward. Awkward for another hour! Not only did I feel bad that driving me home was taking so long and that I had been flirting with a married man, but also that I was keeping him from getting home to his kids and wife. I can't even describe to you how awful I felt.
This is why men need to wear rings. I'm probably going to ask my fiance to wear a ring when we're engaged and I'm most certainly going to have him wear a ring when we're married. What's the point of a ring check if half the married men don't wear rings? C'mon, dudes! Get your act together!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
I Might Have A Problem
I'm starting to realize something about myself, but I'm not exactly sure what it means. I might have a fear of commitment. It's not something that exists all the time, but just some of the time. When I was seeing Kirk I had no problem with commitment. I was all about the commitment, but he wasn't. There was something keeping him from being able to fully commit to me and it wreaked havoc on every aspect of my life. Now I'm getting involved with Landon and I can't fully commit myself to a relationship with him.
I've written about how you can't force a spark and the way in which giddiness factors into liking someone. With Landon I felt like the conversation flowed really well on our first date. He was interested to learn about me and I was interested to learn about him. There was a mutual spark. But the moment we got into the hot tub at the tail end of that first date, that spark died for me. Landon went from being this charming guy who wanted to get to know me to just another guy who wanted to suck face. And I obliged. Yeah, I know...my fault!
Landon came over yesterday and I kept my distance. He wanted to snuggle and watch What Not To Wear with me. I took a moment and said, "Hey Landon, I think we need to tone it down. I didn't plan on kissing you and I want to make sure we take time to get to know each other. So let's take a step back and get to know each other, okay?" He was all for it, but he made no effort to get to know me and he was a little stiff in my attempt to get to know him. Fifteen minutes later we were making out.
I don't know what is going on with me. Here is this great guy who is really into me and I keep finding things to stop me from getting into a relationship. I don't want to build a reputation in Provo as making out with everyone but not dating anyone, yet that seems to be what I'm doing.
This whole situation is kind of getting me down, even though I know it shouldn't be getting to me like this.
Why can't I just like a nice guy who likes me? Wouldn't that be nice?
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Heart vs Head vs Body
Sunday night Landon wanted to see me. He wanted to watch a movie and snuggle on my couch. It was a little weird, though, because he texted me and we had this conversation:
"Hey so are you a fan of avoiding awkward situations? lol"
"Like what? haha"
"Like I don't want to look like an idiot so I ask you if you like spooning during a movie or napping. lol so that way I know whether or not to try lol"
"I'm not going to tell you what moves to make. Be spontaneous! :)
You won't look like an idiot"
"Haha alright. Good to know. I've looked like one before lol"
"We all have"
"But you don't think I will tonight?"
"You'll just have to risk it ;)"
"And if I fall on my face..."
"You get right back up. Confidence is a good thing."
So yeah, that was a little weird. Right? I like a guy with confidence. I like a guy who can decide to make a move and then make a damn move! If I reject it, take the rejection like a man and move on and learn! All the same, I still let Landon come over and watch a movie with me. But there was no way I was going to allow myself to make a move. I want to be chased at least a little! Come on, Landon! Where are your balls???
Landon came over and we started the movie. For the first half we really didn't do much. Then he asked if he could play with my hair. No hesitation, I let my hair down and let him at it. Having my hair played with is one of my very favorite things in the world. It was so hard to not fall asleep with my head on Landon's lap...because it was just so nice! He was tracing his finger around my ear and then through my hair...it was nice. After a while, however, we switched places and Landon had his head on my knee while I ran my fingers through my hair.
Landon was not going to be watching the movie while I was playing with his hair. He was drifting in and out of snoozing, turning his head toward my hand...it was kind of cute to watch. Then I realized that he was definitely going to try and kiss me. I had to take a moment and decide what I was going to do. Let Landon kiss on the second date, or make him wait until we know each other better. You guys, this is a harder decision than it sounds.
My Head: Make him wait! Yeah, you can totally do that! Just turn your head or scoot away. You know how to avoid being kissed. You've got this, Leslie.
My Heart: Make him wait! You don't really know the guy yet. You're not even sure you like him like that! Yeah, definitely make him wait. That way it won't be such a blow if you decide you don't like him and you don't want to date him.
My Body: Ahh, what the heck. Kiss him! Kiss the crap out of him!
That being said, it won't come as a surprise to you when I admit that yes, I did kiss Landon. We made out on my couch. I can't say it was the best make out ever, but it was definitely a lot more enjoyable than making out with James.
Landon is the kind of guy who likes tongue and likes it a lot. Almost too much. Like he'd get my tongue in his mouth and bite down. It wasn't like a light nibble on the edge of my tongue, either, it was way far back and it was a hard bite! It hurt! I had to tell him multiple times that it hurt and I didn't like it. And you know what else? He likes ears. One of the first things he did, before even kissing my lips, was kissing my ear. He kissed it and then traced it with his tongue. Then he stuck it inside my ear. I'm sorry, but that is probably 10x worse than a wet willy. And it's DISGUSTING. Yeah, Landon, I'm not a fan of that.
Other than those two things, it was a pretty good make out. A little awkward when my roommates came home in the middle of it, but they already kind of knew that that was going to be happening. I had to kick him out when it got a little late and things were getting a little heavy. I sat up and told him to leave and he did. About half an hour later Landon sent me a text saying, "You're awesome. And that's not even because of tonight. You really are awesome."
Like always, I don't know what I'm doing.
"Hey so are you a fan of avoiding awkward situations? lol"
"Like what? haha"
"Like I don't want to look like an idiot so I ask you if you like spooning during a movie or napping. lol so that way I know whether or not to try lol"
"I'm not going to tell you what moves to make. Be spontaneous! :)
You won't look like an idiot"
"Haha alright. Good to know. I've looked like one before lol"
"We all have"
"But you don't think I will tonight?"
"You'll just have to risk it ;)"
"And if I fall on my face..."
"You get right back up. Confidence is a good thing."
So yeah, that was a little weird. Right? I like a guy with confidence. I like a guy who can decide to make a move and then make a damn move! If I reject it, take the rejection like a man and move on and learn! All the same, I still let Landon come over and watch a movie with me. But there was no way I was going to allow myself to make a move. I want to be chased at least a little! Come on, Landon! Where are your balls???
Landon came over and we started the movie. For the first half we really didn't do much. Then he asked if he could play with my hair. No hesitation, I let my hair down and let him at it. Having my hair played with is one of my very favorite things in the world. It was so hard to not fall asleep with my head on Landon's lap...because it was just so nice! He was tracing his finger around my ear and then through my hair...it was nice. After a while, however, we switched places and Landon had his head on my knee while I ran my fingers through my hair.
Landon was not going to be watching the movie while I was playing with his hair. He was drifting in and out of snoozing, turning his head toward my hand...it was kind of cute to watch. Then I realized that he was definitely going to try and kiss me. I had to take a moment and decide what I was going to do. Let Landon kiss on the second date, or make him wait until we know each other better. You guys, this is a harder decision than it sounds.
My Head: Make him wait! Yeah, you can totally do that! Just turn your head or scoot away. You know how to avoid being kissed. You've got this, Leslie.
My Heart: Make him wait! You don't really know the guy yet. You're not even sure you like him like that! Yeah, definitely make him wait. That way it won't be such a blow if you decide you don't like him and you don't want to date him.
My Body: Ahh, what the heck. Kiss him! Kiss the crap out of him!
That being said, it won't come as a surprise to you when I admit that yes, I did kiss Landon. We made out on my couch. I can't say it was the best make out ever, but it was definitely a lot more enjoyable than making out with James.
Landon is the kind of guy who likes tongue and likes it a lot. Almost too much. Like he'd get my tongue in his mouth and bite down. It wasn't like a light nibble on the edge of my tongue, either, it was way far back and it was a hard bite! It hurt! I had to tell him multiple times that it hurt and I didn't like it. And you know what else? He likes ears. One of the first things he did, before even kissing my lips, was kissing my ear. He kissed it and then traced it with his tongue. Then he stuck it inside my ear. I'm sorry, but that is probably 10x worse than a wet willy. And it's DISGUSTING. Yeah, Landon, I'm not a fan of that.
Other than those two things, it was a pretty good make out. A little awkward when my roommates came home in the middle of it, but they already kind of knew that that was going to be happening. I had to kick him out when it got a little late and things were getting a little heavy. I sat up and told him to leave and he did. About half an hour later Landon sent me a text saying, "You're awesome. And that's not even because of tonight. You really are awesome."
Like always, I don't know what I'm doing.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Tinder Take Two
I caved. Even after the disaster that was Tiny Tim, I swore off Tinder dates. I told myself I'd only use it for that ego boost that happens every time it pops up with "It's a match!" and to occasionally get my flirt on. So when I started talking to Landon about three weeks ago, I wasn't thinking I'd ever meet him, even if he seemed like a really nice guy.
But last Friday he suggested we grab dinner and then hot tub or something else. I figured I had nothing to lose and he seemed like a decent dude who was at least 5'8, so I said yes. I was nervous before he came to pick me up, mostly because I don't like the idea of online dating. I don't like it, yet there I was about to embark on a date with a guy I met on one of the shallowest dating (let's be honest-hook up) app on the market. Okay, maybe that's not true. I think Hot or Not probably takes the cake on being incredibly shallow, though I don't know if it's very successful at helping people date...
Anyway, Landon took me out for Mexican food. I told him I was game for any kind of food, so he picked the place and he gave me a good recommendation as to what to order. It was really refreshing to have a guy who was willing to make a decision for a date and go for it. His conversation was also really refreshing. He was super down to earth and super nice! We talked about a variety of things, ranging from family, missions, work, school, and even the Gospel. And even though it's a little taboo for the first date, we talked about our thoughts on gay marriage. Yeah, Landon is a pretty rad dude.
After dinner we went back to my apartment and we went hot tubbing. Normally I wouldn't strip down to my swim suit on a first date, but it's summer and it was a great night for hot tubing, so I allowed it. We chatted about family, school, and such. Normal conversation, not quite as interesting as the dinner conversation.
After a while of sitting in the hot tub Landon offered me a massage. I didn't freak out, but we had previously talked about our favorite ways to wind down after a long day and I mentioned hot tubbing and he mentioned massages. That's how we ended up in the hot tub....and that's how we ended up exchanging back massages. He's good. Either that or I just don't get massages often enough. Right around then, there wasn't much talking going on.
Yeah, I get that massaging is relaxing and whatnot, but I don't really like when conversation dies on a first date. The only exception would be if I've known the guy for a long time. Me and Landon? Yeah, we still have a lot of getting to know each other to do.
The date was good. I enjoyed talking to him. We had fun! And when he sent me a post date text thanking me for a fun evening, I was smiling and happy. But there's something missing. I don't know if it's that I'm waiting for the same kind of insane butterflies I felt with Kirk last summer or if I really just am not isn't Landon as more than a friend. I don't know. He seems really into me and I want to give him a chance.
To be continued...
But last Friday he suggested we grab dinner and then hot tub or something else. I figured I had nothing to lose and he seemed like a decent dude who was at least 5'8, so I said yes. I was nervous before he came to pick me up, mostly because I don't like the idea of online dating. I don't like it, yet there I was about to embark on a date with a guy I met on one of the shallowest dating (let's be honest-hook up) app on the market. Okay, maybe that's not true. I think Hot or Not probably takes the cake on being incredibly shallow, though I don't know if it's very successful at helping people date...
Anyway, Landon took me out for Mexican food. I told him I was game for any kind of food, so he picked the place and he gave me a good recommendation as to what to order. It was really refreshing to have a guy who was willing to make a decision for a date and go for it. His conversation was also really refreshing. He was super down to earth and super nice! We talked about a variety of things, ranging from family, missions, work, school, and even the Gospel. And even though it's a little taboo for the first date, we talked about our thoughts on gay marriage. Yeah, Landon is a pretty rad dude.
After dinner we went back to my apartment and we went hot tubbing. Normally I wouldn't strip down to my swim suit on a first date, but it's summer and it was a great night for hot tubing, so I allowed it. We chatted about family, school, and such. Normal conversation, not quite as interesting as the dinner conversation.
After a while of sitting in the hot tub Landon offered me a massage. I didn't freak out, but we had previously talked about our favorite ways to wind down after a long day and I mentioned hot tubbing and he mentioned massages. That's how we ended up in the hot tub....and that's how we ended up exchanging back massages. He's good. Either that or I just don't get massages often enough. Right around then, there wasn't much talking going on.
Yeah, I get that massaging is relaxing and whatnot, but I don't really like when conversation dies on a first date. The only exception would be if I've known the guy for a long time. Me and Landon? Yeah, we still have a lot of getting to know each other to do.
The date was good. I enjoyed talking to him. We had fun! And when he sent me a post date text thanking me for a fun evening, I was smiling and happy. But there's something missing. I don't know if it's that I'm waiting for the same kind of insane butterflies I felt with Kirk last summer or if I really just am not isn't Landon as more than a friend. I don't know. He seems really into me and I want to give him a chance.
To be continued...
Thursday, August 29, 2013
My New Roommate
I've lived with my roommates for a week now. I like them a lot. It's as though the Lord said, "Hey Leslie, you've had some pretty crappy roommates over the past two years. Instead of giving you one good roommate like I did previously, I'm going to give you three." And BOOM. My apartment is filled with people I like. It's a great change. My apartment feels like a home and I feel like my roommates are my family.
I have one roommate who has decided that her mission is to get one of us married. The first day she moved in she wanted to know my dating history and my type of guy. She was listing off guys she wants to set me up with. I have to say, I'm a little flustered! It's been a long time since someone has said they wanted to set me up with someone and then they actually do. She's got a plan. I'm not opposed. My time here in Provo is dedicated to dating around and getting to know people.
Let's face it, at this point I'm pretty much open to anything. Well, anything within reason. Though I'm slightly tempted to make out with this guy I've been talking to on Tinder. I LIKE MAKING OUT, OKAY?
I promise to write about it if I do make out with him... :)
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Sunday Gems: A YSA Classic
Today was the first week after all the new people moved into the ward. First Sunday school lesson? Temple Marriage. Of course.
How is it that every time there's a new ward the lesson always ends up being on marriage or eternal families? Oh, I know! It's a conspiracy to get us all marriage and making babies.
How is it that every time there's a new ward the lesson always ends up being on marriage or eternal families? Oh, I know! It's a conspiracy to get us all marriage and making babies.
But in reality, the lesson today was phenomenal. Instead of talking about dating and marriage and why we need to date more and get married, we talked about sealings and why it's such an important thing to do. It was a different approach to the temple marriage subject than I've ever experienced before and I feel like it was much more informative and interesting.
Aside from Sunday school, it was a great first day with all the new people in the ward. I've already scoped out a couple of the guys I want to keep my eye on. This is going to be good.
p.s. I've become "dating allies" with the guys behind the blog Dominating LDS Dating. Check them out! http://mormondatingguru.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
K.I.S.S.I.N.G.
Let's clarify this whole kissing vs making out thing I sort of alluded to in my last post.
KISSING
How do I define the simple act of kissing? It's when a boy and a girl kiss each other on the cheek, lips, or head for a brief amount of time. It is a demonstration of admiration and affection. Typically when you're sincerely interested in a person you end up spending a few moments here and there just kissing. This can happen when you greet each other, when you're at the store, out with friends, or on a date. You're not sucking face, you're merely showing the other person that you care for them.
Do I like kissing? I love it. When I share a real connection with a guy, the affection is important to me. When I took the love languages test, physical touch came in second, only to quality time (followed by 3 words of affirmation, 4 acts of service, and 5 receiving gifts). If a guy wants to be with me, he needs to be willing to share those precious little moments with me. Ideally he would want the same from me in return. Yeah, it got pretty obnoxious seeing couples on BYUI campus embracing each other and sharing a kiss before parting to their separate classes, but I think I was mostly jealous because I didn't have anyone to do that with. Kissing is romance. I like kissing.
Is kissing ever boring? Hells yeah! If a guy wants to make out, but all he's doing is giving you closed mouth kisses that last a few seconds? YAWN. I like kissing, I like affection, I like romance. But c'mon! When we're laying on the couch together, I want a lip smackin' mack sesh. None of that cutesy kissing stuff.
MAKING OUT
How do I define making out? This could become a pretty complicated answer, but I'm going to try and keep it concise and clear: Making out is when a boy and girl engage in lingering kissing, often laying down, -gasp- I know! That's so against the FTSOY! But guess what? I'm an adult, not a youth. I engage in passionate kissing with guys while laying down, with the lights off, without my roommates home. I'm so promiscuous.
What makes me an aggressive kisser? Honestly, I'm still a little confused on why James called me aggressive. I don't know what other girls do during making out, so I don't really have anything to compare my style of kissing to. Here's what I tend to do: I'm not a passive partner during a make out. I like to initiate deeper kisses every so often. Sometimes I'll run my tongue along his lip. I'll bite his lip or his ear lobe, I'll even occasionally move my tongue up his jaw line. I'm not the kind of girl to just kiss with my lips closed-I like tongue action! It's the strongest muscle of the body, so why not get a little exercise?
How do you make out and not go too far? Straight up determination. I know what I'll do, I know what I won't do, but the older I get, the harder it becomes to stop at the line I've told myself I won't cross. I'm a twenty four year old virgin. I'm a freaking unicorn! My secret? Clinging to my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is nothing more powerful than the knowledge I possess and that is what gives me the ability to engage in hot, heavy make outs with guys and still not cross that line. That is how to have fun, be a little promiscuous, and still maintain my temple covenants. It's possible, people.
Do I have a most memorable make out? Yes. Despite all the crap I put up with with Kirk, he was a dang good kisser. My top three make outs were all with him. One in the back of my car, one in the back of his, one in the basement of the house I lived in last summer. It was hot. Had we gotten married, we would have been having sex 24/7. Hot, steamy sex. There, I said it.
ALRIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
Now I've dished my definitions and thoughts on kissing and making out, I want to hear yours. Take some of the questions I've answered and answer them in the comments! It's always nice to get a variety of opinions.
KISSING
How do I define the simple act of kissing? It's when a boy and a girl kiss each other on the cheek, lips, or head for a brief amount of time. It is a demonstration of admiration and affection. Typically when you're sincerely interested in a person you end up spending a few moments here and there just kissing. This can happen when you greet each other, when you're at the store, out with friends, or on a date. You're not sucking face, you're merely showing the other person that you care for them.
Do I like kissing? I love it. When I share a real connection with a guy, the affection is important to me. When I took the love languages test, physical touch came in second, only to quality time (followed by 3 words of affirmation, 4 acts of service, and 5 receiving gifts). If a guy wants to be with me, he needs to be willing to share those precious little moments with me. Ideally he would want the same from me in return. Yeah, it got pretty obnoxious seeing couples on BYUI campus embracing each other and sharing a kiss before parting to their separate classes, but I think I was mostly jealous because I didn't have anyone to do that with. Kissing is romance. I like kissing.
Is kissing ever boring? Hells yeah! If a guy wants to make out, but all he's doing is giving you closed mouth kisses that last a few seconds? YAWN. I like kissing, I like affection, I like romance. But c'mon! When we're laying on the couch together, I want a lip smackin' mack sesh. None of that cutesy kissing stuff.
MAKING OUT
How do I define making out? This could become a pretty complicated answer, but I'm going to try and keep it concise and clear: Making out is when a boy and girl engage in lingering kissing, often laying down, -gasp- I know! That's so against the FTSOY! But guess what? I'm an adult, not a youth. I engage in passionate kissing with guys while laying down, with the lights off, without my roommates home. I'm so promiscuous.
What makes me an aggressive kisser? Honestly, I'm still a little confused on why James called me aggressive. I don't know what other girls do during making out, so I don't really have anything to compare my style of kissing to. Here's what I tend to do: I'm not a passive partner during a make out. I like to initiate deeper kisses every so often. Sometimes I'll run my tongue along his lip. I'll bite his lip or his ear lobe, I'll even occasionally move my tongue up his jaw line. I'm not the kind of girl to just kiss with my lips closed-I like tongue action! It's the strongest muscle of the body, so why not get a little exercise?
How do you make out and not go too far? Straight up determination. I know what I'll do, I know what I won't do, but the older I get, the harder it becomes to stop at the line I've told myself I won't cross. I'm a twenty four year old virgin. I'm a freaking unicorn! My secret? Clinging to my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is nothing more powerful than the knowledge I possess and that is what gives me the ability to engage in hot, heavy make outs with guys and still not cross that line. That is how to have fun, be a little promiscuous, and still maintain my temple covenants. It's possible, people.
Do I have a most memorable make out? Yes. Despite all the crap I put up with with Kirk, he was a dang good kisser. My top three make outs were all with him. One in the back of my car, one in the back of his, one in the basement of the house I lived in last summer. It was hot. Had we gotten married, we would have been having sex 24/7. Hot, steamy sex. There, I said it.
ALRIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
Now I've dished my definitions and thoughts on kissing and making out, I want to hear yours. Take some of the questions I've answered and answer them in the comments! It's always nice to get a variety of opinions.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
PVT=Provo Virgin Lips
Every time I move, the kiss counter resets. New town, new VL. Basically, for the first time in a looooong time, I've got virgin lips again. Provo virgin lips.
When I first moved to Rexburg and the kiss counter reset for the first time, I took my time letting that VL go. I didn't run off and make out with the first guy that came along. Provo? Yeah, that's a different story. It wasn't my intention to do this, but my first weekend here I met a guy. His name is James. He's a friend of some of the girls that were in my new ward when I first moved in. They hosted a movie night, I stopped by for a bit, James and I chatted briefly, he asked for my number. I didn't hear from him, so I kind of let it just slide by and slip from my mind.
Then he asked to hang out and snuggle.
"You want to snuggle? That's pretty forward."
"Yeah! We can watch a movie or something."
He came over and almost immediately he got awkwardly snuggly. It wasn't the cute kind of snuggle-and-watch-a-movie type snuggle, it was a let-me-hold-your-hand-and-touch-your-face type of a thing. At first I was really put off. Like, seriously dude? His conversation was weak. He was sort of answering my questions, but it was clear that he wanted to hook up, not just snuggle. And honestly? I was pretty bummed. I was looking forward to maybe getting to know James.
He started kissing my cheek, pulling me awkwardly closer to him. After a moment I pulled back and said, "Hey James, this is going way too fast. I mean, I hardly know you. This isn't really my style." I know, I know. I've been known to just make out with a few guys after just meeting them. I kind of like to skank it up on occasion. However, I wasn't really planning on doing that here. James changed that. He was being mega persistent, despite his claims that "Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you!" In the end, we kissed.
We made out for a while on my couch and practically all conversation stopped. He's not all that interesting. He's a decent kisser, but it was a little boring after a while. And he accused me of being too aggressive! I'm sorry, what? James came over to my apartment looking to make out with me, yet he gets uncomfortable when I think, "Ah, what the heck. Let's make out" and start kissing him like I'm into it?
Hey guys! Apparently other girls aren't as into kissing as I am! He said that other girls aren't as aggressive. Other girls don't tease during a make out. Other girls don't put passion in it. I beg this question of you: Ladies! What are you even doing while you make out with a guy? Don't make him do all the work, show him you're enjoying it! Y'all be crazy. Live a little. Don't get crazy, but live a little!
James ended up leaving with the parting words of, "Well, I'm going home tomorrow for a week. I'll see you when I get back" -wink and grin- Sorry, James. That was a one time thing for me. But thanks for taking away my PVL! It's like being a new woman.
Hey, Provo boys. Get at me. ;)
When I first moved to Rexburg and the kiss counter reset for the first time, I took my time letting that VL go. I didn't run off and make out with the first guy that came along. Provo? Yeah, that's a different story. It wasn't my intention to do this, but my first weekend here I met a guy. His name is James. He's a friend of some of the girls that were in my new ward when I first moved in. They hosted a movie night, I stopped by for a bit, James and I chatted briefly, he asked for my number. I didn't hear from him, so I kind of let it just slide by and slip from my mind.
Then he asked to hang out and snuggle.
"You want to snuggle? That's pretty forward."
"Yeah! We can watch a movie or something."
He came over and almost immediately he got awkwardly snuggly. It wasn't the cute kind of snuggle-and-watch-a-movie type snuggle, it was a let-me-hold-your-hand-and-touch-your-face type of a thing. At first I was really put off. Like, seriously dude? His conversation was weak. He was sort of answering my questions, but it was clear that he wanted to hook up, not just snuggle. And honestly? I was pretty bummed. I was looking forward to maybe getting to know James.
He started kissing my cheek, pulling me awkwardly closer to him. After a moment I pulled back and said, "Hey James, this is going way too fast. I mean, I hardly know you. This isn't really my style." I know, I know. I've been known to just make out with a few guys after just meeting them. I kind of like to skank it up on occasion. However, I wasn't really planning on doing that here. James changed that. He was being mega persistent, despite his claims that "Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you!" In the end, we kissed.
We made out for a while on my couch and practically all conversation stopped. He's not all that interesting. He's a decent kisser, but it was a little boring after a while. And he accused me of being too aggressive! I'm sorry, what? James came over to my apartment looking to make out with me, yet he gets uncomfortable when I think, "Ah, what the heck. Let's make out" and start kissing him like I'm into it?
Hey guys! Apparently other girls aren't as into kissing as I am! He said that other girls aren't as aggressive. Other girls don't tease during a make out. Other girls don't put passion in it. I beg this question of you: Ladies! What are you even doing while you make out with a guy? Don't make him do all the work, show him you're enjoying it! Y'all be crazy. Live a little. Don't get crazy, but live a little!
James ended up leaving with the parting words of, "Well, I'm going home tomorrow for a week. I'll see you when I get back" -wink and grin- Sorry, James. That was a one time thing for me. But thanks for taking away my PVL! It's like being a new woman.
Hey, Provo boys. Get at me. ;)
Monday, August 19, 2013
Sunday Gems: A Day Late
My bishop made us sit boy-girl-boy-girl in Sunday school. Yeah, really. He's determined to marry off the entire ward. I'm starting to understand the reason why the place I live has the nickname it does.
Tonight at ward prayer I made a note to either a) avoid Mark, or b) tell Mark that I don't want to date him. Plan A is what went down. I avoided him almost completely...which means I still have yet to tell him that I don't want to date him.
Dating is hard.
Tonight at ward prayer I made a note to either a) avoid Mark, or b) tell Mark that I don't want to date him. Plan A is what went down. I avoided him almost completely...which means I still have yet to tell him that I don't want to date him.
Dating is hard.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Chatterbox
Remember the guy from last Sunday who announced he was single and looking? He has decided that he and I are going to be the best of friends. His name is Mark. He's pretty cute. But you know what? Looks aren't everything.
Mark is a LOT to handle. Last Sunday we both went to ward prayer (which is interesting because, as it turns out, he isn't in my ward, he's just adopting it as his ward because he's bored and wants a change...uhhhh...okay?) and he was glued to my side. I admit that before that event I was a little bit excited to see him. That quickly changed when I realized that he's kind of odd. Don't get me wrong, I like odd people and I'm a little odd myself, but Mark is something else. He is CHATTY. He is a dude who likes to talk about himself nonstop. Not even interesting stuff, but tangents about stuff that is completely boring. Or personal. We just met, dude. Don't tell me all about your ex fiance and all your family baggage. Not diggin' it!
I gave him my phone number anyway. I was being nice and making new friends. Bad idea. That night he texted me six times when I was trying to go to bed. The next day he texted me immediately after I got off work. And he's been texting me novels ever since then. DUDE. STOP.
So yeah, totes not diggin' on this guy. He's a weirdo. A cute weirdo, but a weirdo all the same. I went on a walk with him this evening, despite being dead tired after work and being on my feet all day. During this walk he told me that on his free days he sits in his room and reads the Book of Mormon. His favorite music artists are John Schmidt, Michael Mclean, and Enya. He does impressions of Smeagol, Kermit the Frog, and Jim Carrey. He gave me a guilt trip for listening to music that has a few swear words or suggestive themes. Same with movies. I felt kind of terrible...but mostly put off. It's not a bad thing to love the Gospel or to have standards about music and movies, but it seems a little fanatical to live like that. I guess it's to each his own!
Mark, you come on too strong. You talk too much about yourself and pay little to no interest in getting to know me. Ain't my type.
Provo: 1 Leslie: 0
Mark is a LOT to handle. Last Sunday we both went to ward prayer (which is interesting because, as it turns out, he isn't in my ward, he's just adopting it as his ward because he's bored and wants a change...uhhhh...okay?) and he was glued to my side. I admit that before that event I was a little bit excited to see him. That quickly changed when I realized that he's kind of odd. Don't get me wrong, I like odd people and I'm a little odd myself, but Mark is something else. He is CHATTY. He is a dude who likes to talk about himself nonstop. Not even interesting stuff, but tangents about stuff that is completely boring. Or personal. We just met, dude. Don't tell me all about your ex fiance and all your family baggage. Not diggin' it!
I gave him my phone number anyway. I was being nice and making new friends. Bad idea. That night he texted me six times when I was trying to go to bed. The next day he texted me immediately after I got off work. And he's been texting me novels ever since then. DUDE. STOP.
So yeah, totes not diggin' on this guy. He's a weirdo. A cute weirdo, but a weirdo all the same. I went on a walk with him this evening, despite being dead tired after work and being on my feet all day. During this walk he told me that on his free days he sits in his room and reads the Book of Mormon. His favorite music artists are John Schmidt, Michael Mclean, and Enya. He does impressions of Smeagol, Kermit the Frog, and Jim Carrey. He gave me a guilt trip for listening to music that has a few swear words or suggestive themes. Same with movies. I felt kind of terrible...but mostly put off. It's not a bad thing to love the Gospel or to have standards about music and movies, but it seems a little fanatical to live like that. I guess it's to each his own!
Mark, you come on too strong. You talk too much about yourself and pay little to no interest in getting to know me. Ain't my type.
Provo: 1 Leslie: 0
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Sunday Gem
BYU Singles wards, they crack me up!
My first week in this ward I attended the last installment of the summer dating class. This week a new guy in the ward sat next to me in sacrament meeting, looked around briefly, leaned over and said, "There are so many gorgeous girls in this ward! I wonder which ones are single..." Then he looked at me, smiled and said, "Because I'm single and I'm looking!" And in that moment I knew I had something gold to write about.
Seriously, dude? I was a little bit speechless. I mean, what do you say to that? It wasn't like he was telling me that he was interested in me, but he certainly wasn't hiding his general intentions. And then during sacrament meeting he kept leaning over and making short comments to me, like telling me I have a lovely singing voice, or that before church he had told the girl who was speaking that he thought she was gorgeous and now he felt awkward. Uuuuhhh...what? If you're going to flirt with me, flirt with me! Don't tell me about other girls you flirt with!
After sacrament ended he told me he hoped to see me at ward prayer because I seem like a pretty cool girl. Ohhh boy.
And there you have it, the beginning of Sunday gems. I'm sure this is going to end up being a weekly thing.... :)
My first week in this ward I attended the last installment of the summer dating class. This week a new guy in the ward sat next to me in sacrament meeting, looked around briefly, leaned over and said, "There are so many gorgeous girls in this ward! I wonder which ones are single..." Then he looked at me, smiled and said, "Because I'm single and I'm looking!" And in that moment I knew I had something gold to write about.
Seriously, dude? I was a little bit speechless. I mean, what do you say to that? It wasn't like he was telling me that he was interested in me, but he certainly wasn't hiding his general intentions. And then during sacrament meeting he kept leaning over and making short comments to me, like telling me I have a lovely singing voice, or that before church he had told the girl who was speaking that he thought she was gorgeous and now he felt awkward. Uuuuhhh...what? If you're going to flirt with me, flirt with me! Don't tell me about other girls you flirt with!
After sacrament ended he told me he hoped to see me at ward prayer because I seem like a pretty cool girl. Ohhh boy.
And there you have it, the beginning of Sunday gems. I'm sure this is going to end up being a weekly thing.... :)
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Plan of Attack
Now that I'm in Provo and I'm employed (hooray! That didn't take long at all! It's nice to have work) I have to start thinking about how exactly I'm going to navigate this new dating world in Provo. To be honest, I've been so focused on finding and and starting a new job that I haven't given much thought to flirting and dating.
Do I use the ward as a dating pool? Coworkers? Rely on friends of friends? Boys I meet at the pool? Tinder?
I'm over thinking this. There's absolutely no reason I need to be on the prowl for someone to date when I have so much going on already. So instead of trying to figure out what the next step is, I'm going to just going to let life happen for a while. No more of this living in anticipation for the next thing. I've finally graduated, I'm finally living in Provo. Life is just about to begin!
I'm going to keep blogging. I'll try and be entertaining and interesting! Thanks for being great, readers.
Side note: Have you ever been on Tinder in Utah? These dudes are thiiiirsty. I've been asked to cuddle and make out more times than ever before. Have I gone? No. Tinder is for the kicks and giggles, but never for hook ups or relationships. Them boys be craaazy.
Do I use the ward as a dating pool? Coworkers? Rely on friends of friends? Boys I meet at the pool? Tinder?
I'm over thinking this. There's absolutely no reason I need to be on the prowl for someone to date when I have so much going on already. So instead of trying to figure out what the next step is, I'm going to just going to let life happen for a while. No more of this living in anticipation for the next thing. I've finally graduated, I'm finally living in Provo. Life is just about to begin!
I'm going to keep blogging. I'll try and be entertaining and interesting! Thanks for being great, readers.
Side note: Have you ever been on Tinder in Utah? These dudes are thiiiirsty. I've been asked to cuddle and make out more times than ever before. Have I gone? No. Tinder is for the kicks and giggles, but never for hook ups or relationships. Them boys be craaazy.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Sunday School in Provo
Now that I'm pretty much settled into my new apartment, it's time to get serious about this blogging thing again. Granted, the break was pretty nice, but it's pretty fun writing this blog, so getting back into it will be great. Let the games begin.
Sunday school in Provo is no joke. Everyone talks about how BYU-Idaho is really "BYU-I do" and how everything up there is centered around getting the students married ASAP. While it's true that I heard a lot of lessons about dating and marriage, I had nothing that compares to the experience I had today in my new BYU ward.
When it came time for Sunday school a girl I know told me, "There's normal Sunday school classes,but I go to the dating class they've been offering this summer." I'm sorry, what? Dating class for Sunday school? What kind of marriage factory are they running here? Guess what everyone! We've been lied to! BYU-Idaho isn't the BYU-I do school, it's BYU Provo!
This class consisted of people asking basic questions about dating and the bishop responding. Seriously? I couldn't believe it. I was surrounded by people saying things like, "How do you let someone down nicely?" and "How do you get back into the dating game after being on a mission?" and, my favorite, "Can you men call me and tell me after one date if you don't think it's going anywhere?" WHAT IN THE WORLD?! It was a riot.
The bishop concluded the lesson with a thought that I thought was pretty sound advice. He told us that we should be with someone who makes us feel like we need to be better to be with them. He said that marriage is something in which you are constantly lifting your partner when they are in their hard times and they lift you in your hard times. You have to constantly be striving to be better and so does your partner. Without this, it will be so hard to have a successful marriage, or even just a relationship.
So while the bulk of the class was a giant laugh and I had a hard time taking it seriously, it ended on a really good note. It was the last week of that summer class, but maybe they will offer another rotation of it this fall, which is bound to be entertaining and informative.
Also, they asked me to say the closing prayer. They wrote my name on the board followed by "New Girl" Thanks, guys.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Welcome to P-Town
It's official: I live in Provo.
Not gonna lie, I feel a little bit nervous about this move. I haven't moved into my apartment yet, that happens this weekend. I'm moving to a place where I know absolutely no one and I've never done that before. This is terrifying. Yet at the same time it's really exciting. I can't wait.
I feel as though I'm coming to Provo as a new person. I'm graduated and I'm endowed. There's been a big shift that's happened in my head, largely due to going to the temple. Things are going to be different from here on out. I mean, I'm still the same person and I have a lot of the same thoughts and attitudes, but there's something deep within me that I can't really explain. Maybe it's the adult in me starting to come to the surface? I don't know...it's different, though.
I'm excited for this new beginning. Nervous, but excited. I got a phone call just a few minutes ago from a guy I went to seminary with, but haven't really talked to since then (that was six years ago. SIX YEARS.) yet he called me up and talked about how I'm now in Provo and he's in Provo and "we should definitely chill" and I should hit him up. He's kind of a goof in the sense that he's all about swagger and rapping, yet he's suuuuper white. He's a nice guy, that Matt. I don't really think there's any hope for romance with him, but at least he's a friend I can spend time with!
Hooray for Provo living!
Not gonna lie, I feel a little bit nervous about this move. I haven't moved into my apartment yet, that happens this weekend. I'm moving to a place where I know absolutely no one and I've never done that before. This is terrifying. Yet at the same time it's really exciting. I can't wait.
I feel as though I'm coming to Provo as a new person. I'm graduated and I'm endowed. There's been a big shift that's happened in my head, largely due to going to the temple. Things are going to be different from here on out. I mean, I'm still the same person and I have a lot of the same thoughts and attitudes, but there's something deep within me that I can't really explain. Maybe it's the adult in me starting to come to the surface? I don't know...it's different, though.
I'm excited for this new beginning. Nervous, but excited. I got a phone call just a few minutes ago from a guy I went to seminary with, but haven't really talked to since then (that was six years ago. SIX YEARS.) yet he called me up and talked about how I'm now in Provo and he's in Provo and "we should definitely chill" and I should hit him up. He's kind of a goof in the sense that he's all about swagger and rapping, yet he's suuuuper white. He's a nice guy, that Matt. I don't really think there's any hope for romance with him, but at least he's a friend I can spend time with!
Hooray for Provo living!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Blind Date
Back when Tyson first left on his mission I ended up with an unexpected friendship with one of the other girls he left behind. He had previously dated her yet she was still in love with him and, consequently, I had some pretty bitter feelings for her. But she is such a nice person! There was no way I could dislike her without feeling terrible. Instead of harboring hatred for the girl, we became friends. We had sleepovers and talked all the time, and not just about Tyson.
She ended up getting married less than a year after Tyson left on his mission and now has two children. We don't talk much anymore, but we interact a bit through Facebook and Instagram. She's still super sweet and down to earth.
Last week she asked me if I would go on a blind date with her husband's coworker. I was kind of hesitant, especially since I was seeing Kirk, but I decided to say yes because Kirk hadn't said he wanted to date exclusively. So I went on a blind date.
I haven't been on a double date in a long time. There comes a time after high school when dating gets serious. Instead of following the For The Strength of Youth advice to date in groups and avoid single dating, the tables turn and single dating is the thing to do. You're able to focus better on the one person you're attempting to get to know and it encourages more serious relationship. So, having been on the single date train for quite some time, being on a double date was a little strange.
First of all, when you take a girl out on a blind date, don't you think you should try to get to know her? My date, Craig, didn't seem all that interested in getting to know me. I mean, he asked some basic questions, but he spent more time talking to my friend's husband than he did to me. That's okay, I was fine with catching up with my friend instead. Whatevs.
Secondly, he was kind of weird. He kept telling me about his mega nerdy job, major, and hobbies (Let it be known that I like nerdiness, but this guy was over the TOP nerdy with a little bit of arrogance as well). He seemed way uninterested in me and way into himself. Dude, just relax and let's be on a normal date.
Thirdly, the date lasted FOREVER. It was the weekend before the last week of school and I had homework up to my eyeballs to do. Was I home doing homework? No, I was out on a five hour date with a guy who, apparently, wanted to be on a date with the other dude with us. It took forever for the date to end. I was so bored by the end. When he finally dropped me off he walked me to the door, gave me the most awkward hug ever, and said, "So maybe I'll see you at gradfest?" Uh, yeah. See you there, Craig.
The next day my friend texted me asking what I thought of the date. She said, "Craig said he knows you're both graduating, but he developed a bit of crush on you ;)" Really? A crush on me? I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know me at all. Interesting.
Sorry, dude. You're not my type.
But hey, I went on a blind date!
She ended up getting married less than a year after Tyson left on his mission and now has two children. We don't talk much anymore, but we interact a bit through Facebook and Instagram. She's still super sweet and down to earth.
Last week she asked me if I would go on a blind date with her husband's coworker. I was kind of hesitant, especially since I was seeing Kirk, but I decided to say yes because Kirk hadn't said he wanted to date exclusively. So I went on a blind date.
I haven't been on a double date in a long time. There comes a time after high school when dating gets serious. Instead of following the For The Strength of Youth advice to date in groups and avoid single dating, the tables turn and single dating is the thing to do. You're able to focus better on the one person you're attempting to get to know and it encourages more serious relationship. So, having been on the single date train for quite some time, being on a double date was a little strange.
First of all, when you take a girl out on a blind date, don't you think you should try to get to know her? My date, Craig, didn't seem all that interested in getting to know me. I mean, he asked some basic questions, but he spent more time talking to my friend's husband than he did to me. That's okay, I was fine with catching up with my friend instead. Whatevs.
Secondly, he was kind of weird. He kept telling me about his mega nerdy job, major, and hobbies (Let it be known that I like nerdiness, but this guy was over the TOP nerdy with a little bit of arrogance as well). He seemed way uninterested in me and way into himself. Dude, just relax and let's be on a normal date.
Thirdly, the date lasted FOREVER. It was the weekend before the last week of school and I had homework up to my eyeballs to do. Was I home doing homework? No, I was out on a five hour date with a guy who, apparently, wanted to be on a date with the other dude with us. It took forever for the date to end. I was so bored by the end. When he finally dropped me off he walked me to the door, gave me the most awkward hug ever, and said, "So maybe I'll see you at gradfest?" Uh, yeah. See you there, Craig.
The next day my friend texted me asking what I thought of the date. She said, "Craig said he knows you're both graduating, but he developed a bit of crush on you ;)" Really? A crush on me? I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know me at all. Interesting.
Sorry, dude. You're not my type.
But hey, I went on a blind date!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Choose Happiness
I said I was going to wait until after finals to blog, but I can't wait. I have to tell this now.
Despite drowning in homework and graduation stuff, I think I'm in a better place mentally and spiritually than I have been in a while. Ever since Kirk stopped making an effort about a week and a half ago, I've felt a huge change. Well, not initially. As I mentioned previously I had a couple days where I felt that familiar sense of panic and desperation as I felt him slipping away. I had been so content previous to his reappearance and there I was feeling the same awful feelings I had already felt so many times because of him.
I put my foot down.
I wasn't going to feel defeated and alone. I wasn't going to feel desperate to get through to him. I wasn't going to give in. I took time for myself, I meditated, I read my scriptures, I threw my effort into friends and finals. I became happy.
Someone posted this on facebook recently:
Girls, when you are with someone, you deserve to ALWAYS feel secure, previous, and valuable. If that person does not make you feel that way, you deserve better. It is the man's job to pursue you, respect you, and make you feel loved. If they aren't dong that, why are you returning a favor that hasn't been dealt to you?
I've read things like this on pinterest who knows how many times, but reading this felt different. My head was clear and something about this just clicked with me. Kirk made me feel all those things when we were dating last summer, but he hasn't ever made me feel them since then. It's been a whole year since I met him and just a few months shy of when we first broke up. That's a lot of time spent feeling like I had to fight in order to get him to treat me right again.
Watching this as an outsider I can only imagine how frustrating it's been for you to see me returning to him when he clearly doesn't deserve it. Now I know I'm better off without him. Now I know there isn't any way we're going to return to the fairytale we started out with. I understand that. I understand myself a lot better. I can't really describe it, but I feel so happy and content with where I am in life and I know Kirk just detracts from that.
I saw him on campus today. We spoke briefly. He mostly wanted to shoot the breeze and talk about finals, graduation, and moving. I don't really want to talk to him about any of that. I gave him this look that said, "I gave you so many chances and all you ever did was disappoint me" and he apologized. "I dropped the ball again. I'm sorry. I just get so busy with school and focusing on not failing. I'm really sorry."
I told him he's unbelievable. I told him I don't understand how he can say he cares because people who care make an effort, they find time. Even if you're really busy, you find time to be with the person you care about. He's got some pretty big things to figure out before he can make it work with anyone. "I know I do. Maybe that's why I'm this age and still single." Maybe if you would grow up and commit to a real relationship you wouldn't be perpetually single, Kirk.
He told me he's free this weekend, if I have some time to spend with him. Nope, no time to spend on him anymore. I told him I don't want to. I don't have time for someone who can only see me when it's convenient for him, when he's not busy, when he's not stressed out. I need to be a priority for someone.
I don't really remember what happened at the end of the conversation, I just remember saying, "Well I fell in love with you and you broke my heart four times." Then I turned my back on him and walked out of the library.
In choosing between Kirk and happiness, I choose happiness.
Despite drowning in homework and graduation stuff, I think I'm in a better place mentally and spiritually than I have been in a while. Ever since Kirk stopped making an effort about a week and a half ago, I've felt a huge change. Well, not initially. As I mentioned previously I had a couple days where I felt that familiar sense of panic and desperation as I felt him slipping away. I had been so content previous to his reappearance and there I was feeling the same awful feelings I had already felt so many times because of him.
I put my foot down.
I wasn't going to feel defeated and alone. I wasn't going to feel desperate to get through to him. I wasn't going to give in. I took time for myself, I meditated, I read my scriptures, I threw my effort into friends and finals. I became happy.
Someone posted this on facebook recently:
Girls, when you are with someone, you deserve to ALWAYS feel secure, previous, and valuable. If that person does not make you feel that way, you deserve better. It is the man's job to pursue you, respect you, and make you feel loved. If they aren't dong that, why are you returning a favor that hasn't been dealt to you?
I've read things like this on pinterest who knows how many times, but reading this felt different. My head was clear and something about this just clicked with me. Kirk made me feel all those things when we were dating last summer, but he hasn't ever made me feel them since then. It's been a whole year since I met him and just a few months shy of when we first broke up. That's a lot of time spent feeling like I had to fight in order to get him to treat me right again.
Watching this as an outsider I can only imagine how frustrating it's been for you to see me returning to him when he clearly doesn't deserve it. Now I know I'm better off without him. Now I know there isn't any way we're going to return to the fairytale we started out with. I understand that. I understand myself a lot better. I can't really describe it, but I feel so happy and content with where I am in life and I know Kirk just detracts from that.
I saw him on campus today. We spoke briefly. He mostly wanted to shoot the breeze and talk about finals, graduation, and moving. I don't really want to talk to him about any of that. I gave him this look that said, "I gave you so many chances and all you ever did was disappoint me" and he apologized. "I dropped the ball again. I'm sorry. I just get so busy with school and focusing on not failing. I'm really sorry."
I told him he's unbelievable. I told him I don't understand how he can say he cares because people who care make an effort, they find time. Even if you're really busy, you find time to be with the person you care about. He's got some pretty big things to figure out before he can make it work with anyone. "I know I do. Maybe that's why I'm this age and still single." Maybe if you would grow up and commit to a real relationship you wouldn't be perpetually single, Kirk.
He told me he's free this weekend, if I have some time to spend with him. Nope, no time to spend on him anymore. I told him I don't want to. I don't have time for someone who can only see me when it's convenient for him, when he's not busy, when he's not stressed out. I need to be a priority for someone.
I don't really remember what happened at the end of the conversation, I just remember saying, "Well I fell in love with you and you broke my heart four times." Then I turned my back on him and walked out of the library.
In choosing between Kirk and happiness, I choose happiness.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Christina Rossetti Part 2
That lightning storm tonight was pretty rad. I went outside with Beth and a guy from our ward and we sat in the rain for over an hour watching it. It was outstanding.
Promises Like Pie-Crust
by Christina Rossetti
Promise me no promises,
So will I not promise you:
Keep we both our liberties,
Never false and never true:
Let us hold the die uncast,
Free to come as free to go:
For I cannot know your past,
And of mine what can you know?
You, so warm, may once have been
Warmer towards another one:
I, so cold, may once have seen
Sunlight, once have felt the sun:
Who shall show us if it was
Thus indeed in time of old?
Fades the image from the glass,
And the fortune is not told.
If you promised, you might grieve
For lost liberty again:
If I promised, I believe
I should fret to break the chain.
Let us be the friends we were,
Nothing more but nothing less:
Many thrive on frugal fare
Who would perish of excess.
This is my favorite of Rossetti's poems. I wrote a huge paper on it a few semesters ago. For me it speaks for the part of me that wants to stay unattached to others because I know there is risk in becoming involved. You can't be hurt by someone when you haven't made a real connection with them
Promises Like Pie-Crust
by Christina Rossetti
Promise me no promises,
So will I not promise you:
Keep we both our liberties,
Never false and never true:
Let us hold the die uncast,
Free to come as free to go:
For I cannot know your past,
And of mine what can you know?
You, so warm, may once have been
Warmer towards another one:
I, so cold, may once have seen
Sunlight, once have felt the sun:
Who shall show us if it was
Thus indeed in time of old?
Fades the image from the glass,
And the fortune is not told.
If you promised, you might grieve
For lost liberty again:
If I promised, I believe
I should fret to break the chain.
Let us be the friends we were,
Nothing more but nothing less:
Many thrive on frugal fare
Who would perish of excess.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Christina Rossetti Part 1
This week I am super busy with end of the semester homework so I may not have time to write about my date last weekend. So between doing homework and working on that new post I've decided to share with you some poems from one of my favorite poets: Christina Rossetti. She is amazing. She's a Victorian era poet and she's super spunky in her writing, which is one of the main reasons why I love her. Enjoy!
This first poem is one that makes me laugh out loud. I've found myself in this situation and I'm pretty sure I attempted to handle it somewhat this way. It's hard to let someone down!
Isn't kind of funny to realize that the types of dating trouble we have now have been around for hundreds of years? Some things never change.
"No, Thank you, John"
By Christina Rossetti
I never said I love you, John:
Why will you tease me day by day,
And wax a weariness to think upon
With always "do" and "pray"?
You know I never loved you, John;
No fault of mine made me your toast:
Why will you haunt me with a face as wan
As shows an hour-old ghost?
I dare say Meg or Moll would take
Pity upon you, if you'd ask:
And pray don't remain single for my sake
Who can't perform that task.
I have no heart? - Perhaps I have not;
But then you're mad to take offence
That I don't give you what I have not got:
Use your own common sense.
Let bygones be bygones:
Don't call me false, who owed not to be true:
I'd rather answer "No" to fifty Johns
Than answer "Yes" to you.
Let's mar our pleasant days no more,
Song-birds of passage, days of youth:
Catch at today, forget the days before:
I'll wink at your untruth.
Let us strike hands as hearty friends;
No more, no less; and friendship's good:
Only don't keep in views ulterior ends,
And points not understood
In open treaty. Rise above
Quibbles and shuffling off and on:
Here's friendship for you if you like; but love,-
No, thank you, John.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Off Topic: Relief Society
You guys, I've become the stereotypical Relief Society president.
This calling has been SO overwhelming and I've had all sorts of ups and downs and spiritual experiences that I never thought I would have. I don't even know where to begin... My relief society has a lot of girls who struggle with attendance. The first week of the semester we were missing only one girl and I was so excited to have girls who attended relief society. However, ever since then the numbers have steadily declined. Last week we had the presidency and three other girls. A few walked in late, but really? That's ridiculous. There are twenty seven girls and over half of them have missed more than half of the Sundays in relief society this semester. I've been distraught over it.
I've been on my knees praying about what to do, I've tried visits, I've tried callings, I've tried so much to get these girls to want to desire to come to relief society. My mind is constantly weighed down with the thought that these girls, my responsibility, aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing. The bishop and I have counseled multiple times over what to do to help them. I've cried over it. My heart yearns to help these girls gain stronger testimonies and stronger desire to better serve The Lord. Unfortunately there's only so much I can do. I feel defeated.
But you know what? I think I've made a breakthrough.
I decided that I wanted to hold a relief society breakfast this coming week to encourage the girls to at least make it to an apartment in the morning with the incentive of food rather than going up to campus. I printed out cute invitations, put bows on each of them, and wrote individual notes to each girl in my relief society to invite them to come to this breakfast. I feel so relief society-y. It's kind of terrifying me that this is what I've become. I kind of understand the mindset behind it. Weird...
YOU GUYS. I just dropped off some of the invitations and the girls were so excited. So excited! Do you understand how happy this makes me? It may be the end of the semester, but I think I am finally getting through to some of these girls. I think I have a chance of getting more than half of the girls to relief society.
I'm nearly in tears.
I'm such a baby.
The Church is true.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
"I Told You So"
Here you guys go. Here's the post where you all comment and say, "I told you so, Leslie!"
This on again off again thing with Kirk is exhausting. I have to admit, though, that Kirk has stepped it up and he's worked pretty hard to show me he wants this. At least that's what he did for a while.
I already told you that Kirk and I haven't spoken much over the past several days. We've been super busy, so things have died down. But you know what? If two people really care for each other, they make an effort even when they're busy. Amiright? It makes sense to me. Maybe I'm the type of person who loves fiercely and not everyone has the same type of intense love that I have. I'm an active lover whereas Kirk is a passive lover. I could go on forever justifying his behavior but ultimately I'm going to end up where I've already been three times before: Wanting more from him that he seems capable of giving. My soft heart continues to believe it could work between us, but I know better.
The other day I got tired of waiting on Kirk to snap out of his busy funk and realize he wants to see me. I got tired of stressing. I sent him a text saying, "Alright, dude. Ball is in your court. If you want us to happen, make us happen."
That's where we are right now. No word from him, no change, no nothing. Being busy is not a good enough reason for neglect. As much as my heart doesn't want to say this isn't going anywhere, I know it isn't. I did the stupid thing and I allowed Kirk a fourth chance (which we can all agree was a bad idea) and he's doing the same thing. It's hard to be surprised when I've seen this so many times already. My hopes were never too high this time, but for a while there he was surprising me. He was so close to having this end differently.
Maybe this is the disappointment Christ feels when we repent but keep returning to the sin. Always ready for forgive and welcome back, but constantly let down. If nothing else, this experience with Kirk has reinvigorated my desire to be truly repentant and to fully abandon sin. That's a pretty good result, right?
While I have left the ball in Kirk's court and I have pretty low expectations, I'm not going to dwell on it. For a little while there I was in a bit of a funk over this and I could feel that sense of panic and desperation creeping in, but I've shut it out. I've taken time for myself, I've been meditating (seriously, you should try meditation), and I'm throwing myself completely into finals and graduation. I'm going to move forward with more faith in God and more fervor to be a good, worthy woman.
Twelve more days days of college and then it's onto Provo adventures!
This on again off again thing with Kirk is exhausting. I have to admit, though, that Kirk has stepped it up and he's worked pretty hard to show me he wants this. At least that's what he did for a while.
I already told you that Kirk and I haven't spoken much over the past several days. We've been super busy, so things have died down. But you know what? If two people really care for each other, they make an effort even when they're busy. Amiright? It makes sense to me. Maybe I'm the type of person who loves fiercely and not everyone has the same type of intense love that I have. I'm an active lover whereas Kirk is a passive lover. I could go on forever justifying his behavior but ultimately I'm going to end up where I've already been three times before: Wanting more from him that he seems capable of giving. My soft heart continues to believe it could work between us, but I know better.
The other day I got tired of waiting on Kirk to snap out of his busy funk and realize he wants to see me. I got tired of stressing. I sent him a text saying, "Alright, dude. Ball is in your court. If you want us to happen, make us happen."
That's where we are right now. No word from him, no change, no nothing. Being busy is not a good enough reason for neglect. As much as my heart doesn't want to say this isn't going anywhere, I know it isn't. I did the stupid thing and I allowed Kirk a fourth chance (which we can all agree was a bad idea) and he's doing the same thing. It's hard to be surprised when I've seen this so many times already. My hopes were never too high this time, but for a while there he was surprising me. He was so close to having this end differently.
Maybe this is the disappointment Christ feels when we repent but keep returning to the sin. Always ready for forgive and welcome back, but constantly let down. If nothing else, this experience with Kirk has reinvigorated my desire to be truly repentant and to fully abandon sin. That's a pretty good result, right?
While I have left the ball in Kirk's court and I have pretty low expectations, I'm not going to dwell on it. For a little while there I was in a bit of a funk over this and I could feel that sense of panic and desperation creeping in, but I've shut it out. I've taken time for myself, I've been meditating (seriously, you should try meditation), and I'm throwing myself completely into finals and graduation. I'm going to move forward with more faith in God and more fervor to be a good, worthy woman.
Twelve more days days of college and then it's onto Provo adventures!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Laugh or Cry: Pick One
WARNING: In this post I talk about menstruating. It's a thing of nature. It happens. Get over it.
This past weekend has been a roller coaster. My mood swings have been UNbelievable. Is it all Kirk's fault? No. I mean, he factors in a little bit, but it's mostly a combination of stress and menstruation. I'm graduating in two weeks and I have so much stuff to do. When I really start thinking about all the writing I have to accomplish by next week I kind of want to roll over and die. Instead of actually doing anything I curl up on my bed and whine.
On top of all that stress, my insides want to rip me apart. Honestly, I think I have an alien inside me clawing it's way out my abdomen. It's also tugging on my heart strings, squeezing my tear ducts, and causing panic attacks. This alien? Yeah, not my friend.
Kirk has been mega busy for the past few days and as a result, we haven't talked much. It's probably a good thing, because when I haven't been in the fetal position on my bed or curled up in a chair, I've actually been working on all the homework I have. Slowly but surely I've been making progress, even though I still feel like my head is going to explode because of all the stress.
So...yesterday I had kind of a meltdown. I sent Kirk a text telling him how needy I felt and how I was kind of going a little stir crazy, even though I had seen him earlier that day at school and he had texted me about how incredible I looked ("as always"-his words). Several hours later I looked back on that text and I felt pretty embarrassed.
Now, I've never been completely sane when it comes to relationships, particularly with Kirk. I have a tendency to over think everything and to read into every little thing. I am a super needy person and it drives me crazy that I'm so needy. I've been working on that and for the most part I'm getting better at keeping it under control. However, when I'm menstruating I completely lose it. I can only describe it as an utter lack of control over my emotions. I'm happy as a clam one minute, then I'm laying in a heap on the floor crying over things that happened months ago. It's exhausting being so emotionally charged.
So yeah. I felt embarrassed. I said sorry, which I feel like I've done a lot with Kirk (and you're probably sick of it. Sorry, guys). He assured me I have nothing to be sorry for and he's sorry he's been so busy. I haven't seen him since Friday, but that's for the best. I've been getting homework done. Here's hoping that stress and being a woman don't kill me.
I can't wait for the next two weeks to be over. BYU-Idaho, it's been real, but I'm tired of this homework shiz.
This past weekend has been a roller coaster. My mood swings have been UNbelievable. Is it all Kirk's fault? No. I mean, he factors in a little bit, but it's mostly a combination of stress and menstruation. I'm graduating in two weeks and I have so much stuff to do. When I really start thinking about all the writing I have to accomplish by next week I kind of want to roll over and die. Instead of actually doing anything I curl up on my bed and whine.
On top of all that stress, my insides want to rip me apart. Honestly, I think I have an alien inside me clawing it's way out my abdomen. It's also tugging on my heart strings, squeezing my tear ducts, and causing panic attacks. This alien? Yeah, not my friend.
Kirk has been mega busy for the past few days and as a result, we haven't talked much. It's probably a good thing, because when I haven't been in the fetal position on my bed or curled up in a chair, I've actually been working on all the homework I have. Slowly but surely I've been making progress, even though I still feel like my head is going to explode because of all the stress.
So...yesterday I had kind of a meltdown. I sent Kirk a text telling him how needy I felt and how I was kind of going a little stir crazy, even though I had seen him earlier that day at school and he had texted me about how incredible I looked ("as always"-his words). Several hours later I looked back on that text and I felt pretty embarrassed.
Now, I've never been completely sane when it comes to relationships, particularly with Kirk. I have a tendency to over think everything and to read into every little thing. I am a super needy person and it drives me crazy that I'm so needy. I've been working on that and for the most part I'm getting better at keeping it under control. However, when I'm menstruating I completely lose it. I can only describe it as an utter lack of control over my emotions. I'm happy as a clam one minute, then I'm laying in a heap on the floor crying over things that happened months ago. It's exhausting being so emotionally charged.
So yeah. I felt embarrassed. I said sorry, which I feel like I've done a lot with Kirk (and you're probably sick of it. Sorry, guys). He assured me I have nothing to be sorry for and he's sorry he's been so busy. I haven't seen him since Friday, but that's for the best. I've been getting homework done. Here's hoping that stress and being a woman don't kill me.
I can't wait for the next two weeks to be over. BYU-Idaho, it's been real, but I'm tired of this homework shiz.
I cannot adequately express the truth behind this. SO TRUE.
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