Guest Post: The LDS Dating Guru

As some of you may recall I have started talking to the guys behind the LDS Dating Guru blog (and now they have a new website). Over the month or so that we've been chatting and exchanging blogging advice, we've spent some time discussing doing guest posts for each other. One of their authors, The Libertarian of Love, has graciously written a post for my blog. These guys have a different style and approach than I do, but some of what they say is really sound advice and they are always entertaining.

Give them a chance! If you can read my blog and suffer through all the times I took Kirk back and still support me, you can definitely give these great guys a chance. Without further ado...

How To Get a Date
by The Libertarian of Love

One surefire way to make an LDS man ask you on a date. First off lets talk about what wont get you asked on a date. 

1. Being the girl that sits and says nothing during FHE. 
2. Bringing a platter of cookies over to his apartment. 
3. Adding him on Facebook 
4. Asking him about where he went to high school 
5. Bearing your testimony 
6. Asking non stop mission questions. 

The next point I bring up may seem cruel, but you need to know this. If you weigh more than the man you are asking out, you will not get a date. If you are over weight, you must work harder for a date. You can call us men shallow.. and we are. However just like you like to brag about how cute, sweet, caring, smart your BF is. Guys like to be able to have a girl that they will bring home and not have they're father make fun of them with "well she seems nice." 

I'll be honest I've made out with one or two women with a few extra pounds in my day. They were fantastic kissers BTW. However could i bring her around my friends? Well I did once, and I was mocked more than Miley Cyrus. Worst thing was SHE WAS DEMANDING so much so I ended it. But I digress... 

What women need to do to land a date. 

1. Smile- I mean until your cheeks hurt (yes as males we notice.) 
2. Approach- Don't give me this man up speech, no man ever labeled a girl a whore for going out of her way to say hi. But don't just say hi ask him all about himself. 
3. Compliment his clothes, ask if he works out, touch his arm, and most of all TEASE HIM!! 
4. Touch him, FLIRT it up. 

Now tons of you girls are going "Well I'm not going to be labeled as the girl who just flirts with a million boys". BLAH BLAH BLAH Will your boyfriend care once you start dating that you flirted with boys in the past? NOOOOPE, and as far as the girls that will say nasty things about you. Who cares? Will you and your future husband/boyfriend and you sit around and talk about everyone else? nope. 

Offer the guy something unique. 

• Concert tickets- "dude this chick invited me to go to green day with her!" 
• NBA Game- "Jenny invited me to the game with her.... Lebron's going down." 
• If you, or your family has some really awesome firearms invite him to go shooting with you guys. 
• Gift certificates- "Hey John, I have a gift certificate to the Texas road house and you should come with." 
• Tell the guy he is cute and you would love a date with him- If a man is attracted at all.. 90% chance you land a date with this one line. 

You have to make him a great offer. Most of all be POSITIVE the entire date, and make it OBVIOUS that you find him attractive, and/or you like him. 

Good luck ladies! 

and make sure to check out our blog www.mormondatingguru.blogspot.com 

and website www.mormondatingguru.com

Beating the BYU Ratio

When I started school at BYU-Idaho the boy to girl ratio was about 1:3. Over the years it's evened out a little bit, so it's probably closer to 1:2 now, but even when I left it felt like the amount of eligible guys to girls was still around 1:3, if not worse. As a pretty average girl, it was hard to beat the odds. I wasn't very aggressive in dating, so I didn't end up going on a lot of dates like the more aggressive girls did.

I don't know much about the ratio at BYU, but I've been told it's close to 1:2 guys to girls. So I guess it's probably the same situation as BYU-Idaho...? amiright?

So how does one beat these odds? It's a different game for guys and girls, as it usually is. Guys have to learn how to man up and ask a girl out. Girls have to learn how to rise above the sea of other women. It's a challenge.

MEN

You've got to be ballsy. You've got to narrow in on one girl who piques your interest and then pursue her. Girls are going to lose interest in you if they see that you can't make up your mind and you want to chase every cute girl who crosses your path. That kind of behavior will cause you to be labeled a PLAYER. Is that the reputation you want? Hopefully not.

Okay, so you've picked your one girl.  Now what? How do you manage to keep her interest? Play it cool. Don't be over eager, but don't leave the girl hanging, either. Ask her out. Do something simple for the first date, and make sure it doesn't last a million hours. You might want to go get ice cream, then go on a walk, then watch a movie, then stay snuggled on the couch with her for hours. Trust me! Hold off. Don't do it all on the first date. It's too fast. You'll burn through the whole chase and catch phases of a relationship in one night and, chances are, your relationship will peak and burn quickly.

It's hard to prolong the chase phase of a relationship when you are really into a girl and she seems pretty into you, too. DO NOT DO IT. Trust me on this one, guys. Draw out the chase. Let the anticipation build. You'll thank me.

It's really that simple, men. Nut up, pick one, go for it, don't rush it.

WOMEN

There are a few different groups of women at the BYU schools. There is a fairly small group of modelesque, gorgeous girls. These are the girls that all the guys are chasing. When people joke that 1% of the ward gets 99% of the dates, it's these girls who are the 1%.  Then you have the small-ish group of weird/awkward/sweet spirits. There tend to be quite a few of these girls and they are (typically) one extreme or the other. They are either SUPER vocal and obnoxious, or they are super quiet and mousy. These are the two types of girls that get noticed the most, whether or not it's good noticing or not so good noticing.

What about the rest of us? The normal girls who aren't gorgeous, but who aren't plain Janes? We tend to fall through the cracks and fade into the background, yet we're the largest group of girls. What the heck?? Girls, don't let yourself be just an average girl. I've tried so hard to fight against just being an average girl. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I'm pretty. I know that I've got something to offer, I just have to go the extra mile to be noticed.

How do you get noticed? Own who you are. If you're uncomfortable in your own skin, guys will notice and be repelled. No one wants to date someone who doesn't know how to be content with life on their own. So start by doing things to boost your confidence in yourself. Hit the gym, buy an outfit that makes you feel gorgeous just by looking at it, and smile! When you feel good about yourself, you'll immediately start radiating a gravitating confidence. Men like confident women.

Once you've built up your self image, try your hand at some obvious flirting. Like the guys, you have to narrow your sights. Flirt lightly with all the cute guys you encounter, but lay it on really thick with the one guy you really want to snag. Make sure he knows who you are. Strike up conversation with him, touch his arm when he talks, and laugh when he says funny things. Mention that it would be fun to do certain things with him. Make him know that you want to spend time with him.

It's a lot of work to be successful in the BYU/BYU-Idaho dating world. The ratio is weird and some of the people are weird. The key is this: you can't just sit on your butt waiting for someone spectacular to fall into your life and whisk you away to the temple. You've got to work, whether you're a guy or a girl.

Ring Check

It should be required by law to wear a wedding band or engagement ring, even if you're a guy. Actually, especially if you're a guy. I can't tell you how many times, both in Utah and at BYU-Idaho, I did a ring check on a guy, he wasn't wearing one, so I proceeded to flirt up a storm. And then it takes them forever to mention their fiance or wife! I don't understand it. All men should have to wear a ring as indication that they are not fair game. It would save us flirty girls a bit of embarrassment.

I started a new job here in Utah. I love it, it keeps me busy, it pays the bills, and I have a really fun, attractive coworker. Most of the people who work there are married girls, so when I noticed that this guy didn't have a ring, I got a little excited and turned up the flirting. His name is Anthony. He's one of the managers and our positions end up interacting a lot when it's a busy day, so he and I are always helping each other out and getting things done.

We work in a restaurant, so things are tight back where we're moving around and getting food out and Anthony and I are always dancing around each other trying to be quick and efficient. Completely on accident, my hand will brush his as we pass by each other and he'll say something like, "What are you trying to do, hold my hand??" and laugh and smile his cute smile at me. We tease each other nonstop.

Yesterday a freak monsoon came out of nowhere and hit right as he and I were both getting off work. I usually take the bus, but the bus system was all messed up because of football traffic, the rain, and downed power lines. My roommate said it would take her forever to come get me, so Anthony offered me a ride. I accepted, since it's only about a ten minute ride and it would be way better than waiting for my roommate. Our conversation was really good and he was asking me all kinds of questions about school and life and dating. He asked if I was single and teased me a little bit. Then we hit traffic, since the roads were flooded.

The ten minute drive ended up taking an hour and a half. About half an hour into it Anthony mentioned that he's got a wife. And then he mentioned that he has kids! It just about blew my mind and I suddenly felt extremely awkward. Awkward for another hour! Not only did I feel bad that driving me home was taking so long and that I had been flirting with a married man, but also that I was keeping him from getting home to his kids and wife. I can't even describe to you how awful I felt.

This is why men need to wear rings. I'm probably going to ask my fiance to wear a ring when we're engaged and I'm most certainly going to have him wear a ring when we're married. What's the point of a ring check if half the married men don't wear rings? C'mon, dudes! Get your act together!

I Might Have A Problem

I'm starting to realize something about myself, but I'm not exactly sure what it means. I might have a fear of commitment. It's not something that exists all the time, but just some of the time. When I was seeing Kirk I had no problem with commitment. I was all about the commitment, but he wasn't. There was something keeping him from being able to fully commit to me and it wreaked havoc on every aspect of my life. Now I'm getting involved with Landon and I can't fully commit myself to a relationship with him.

I've written about how you can't force a spark and the way in which giddiness factors into liking someone. With Landon I felt like the conversation flowed really well on our first date. He was interested to learn about me and I was interested to learn about him. There was a mutual spark. But the moment we got into the hot tub at the tail end of that first date, that spark died for me. Landon went from being this charming guy who wanted to get to know me to just another guy who wanted to suck face. And I obliged. Yeah, I know...my fault!

Landon came over yesterday and I kept my distance. He wanted to snuggle and watch What Not To Wear with me. I took a moment and said, "Hey Landon, I think we need to tone it down. I didn't plan on kissing you and I want to make sure we take time to get to know each other. So let's take a step back and get to know each other, okay?" He was all for it, but he made no effort to get to know me and he was a little stiff in my attempt to get to know him. Fifteen minutes later we were making out.

I don't know what is going on with me. Here is this great guy who is really into me and I keep finding things to stop me from getting into a relationship. I don't want to build a reputation in Provo as making out with everyone but not dating anyone, yet that seems to be what I'm doing. 

This whole situation is kind of getting me down, even though I know it shouldn't be getting to me like this.

Why can't I just like a nice guy who likes me? Wouldn't that be nice?

Heart vs Head vs Body

Sunday night Landon wanted to see me. He wanted to watch a movie and snuggle on my couch. It was a little weird, though, because he texted me and we had this conversation:

"Hey so are you a fan of avoiding awkward situations? lol"
"Like what? haha"
"Like I don't want to look like an idiot so I ask you if you like spooning during a movie or napping. lol so that way I know whether or not to try lol"
"I'm not going to tell you what moves to make. Be spontaneous! :)
You won't look like an idiot"
"Haha alright. Good to know. I've looked like one before lol"
"We all have" 
"But you don't think I will tonight?"
"You'll just have to risk it ;)"
"And if I fall on my face..."
"You get right back up. Confidence is a good thing."

So yeah, that was a little weird. Right? I like a guy with confidence. I like a guy who can decide to make a move and then make a damn move! If I reject it, take the rejection like a man and move on and learn! All the same, I still let Landon come over and watch a movie with me. But there was no way I was going to allow myself to make a move. I want to be chased at least a little! Come on, Landon! Where are your balls???

Landon came over and we started the movie. For the first half we really didn't do much. Then he asked if he could play with my hair. No hesitation, I let my hair down and let him at it. Having my hair played with is one of my very favorite things in the world. It was so hard to not fall asleep with my head on Landon's lap...because it was just so nice! He was tracing his finger around my ear and then through my hair...it was nice. After a while, however, we switched places and Landon had his head on my knee while I ran my fingers through my hair.

Landon was not going to be watching the movie while I was playing with his hair. He was drifting in and out of snoozing, turning his head toward my hand...it was kind of cute to watch. Then I realized that he was definitely going to try and kiss me. I had to take a moment and decide what I was going to do. Let Landon kiss on the second date, or make him wait until we know each other better. You guys, this is a harder decision than it sounds.

My Head: Make him wait! Yeah, you can totally do that! Just turn your head or scoot away. You know how to avoid being kissed. You've got this, Leslie.
My Heart: Make him wait! You don't really know the guy yet. You're not even sure you like him like that! Yeah, definitely make him wait. That way it won't be such a blow if you decide you don't like him and you don't want to date him.
My Body: Ahh, what the heck. Kiss him! Kiss the crap out of him!

That being said, it won't come as a surprise to you when I admit that yes, I did kiss Landon. We made out on my couch. I can't say it was the best make out ever, but it was definitely a lot more enjoyable than making out with James.

Landon is the kind of guy who likes tongue and likes it a lot. Almost too much. Like he'd get my tongue in his mouth and bite down. It wasn't like a light nibble on the edge of my tongue, either, it was way far back and it was a hard bite! It hurt! I had to tell him multiple times that it hurt and I didn't like it. And you know what else? He likes ears. One of the first things he did, before even kissing my lips, was kissing my ear. He kissed it and then traced it with his tongue. Then he stuck it inside my ear. I'm sorry, but that is probably 10x worse than a wet willy. And it's DISGUSTING. Yeah, Landon, I'm not a fan of that.

Other than those two things, it was a pretty good make out. A little awkward when my roommates came home in the middle of it, but they already kind of knew that that was going to be happening. I had to kick him out when it got a little late and things were getting a little heavy. I sat up and told him to leave and he did. About half an hour later Landon sent me a text saying, "You're awesome. And that's not even because of tonight. You really are awesome."

Like always, I don't know what I'm doing.

Tinder Take Two

I caved. Even after the disaster that was Tiny Tim, I swore off Tinder dates. I told myself I'd only use it for that ego boost that happens every time it pops up with "It's a match!" and to occasionally get my flirt on. So when I started talking to Landon about three weeks ago, I wasn't thinking I'd ever meet him, even if he seemed like a really nice guy.

But last Friday he suggested we grab dinner and then hot tub or something else. I figured I had nothing to lose and he seemed like a decent dude who was at least 5'8, so I said yes. I was nervous before he came to pick me up, mostly because I don't like the idea of online dating. I don't like it, yet there I was about to embark on a date with a guy I met on one of the shallowest dating (let's be honest-hook up) app on the market. Okay, maybe that's not true. I think Hot or Not probably takes the cake on being incredibly shallow, though I don't know if it's very successful at helping people date...

Anyway, Landon took me out for Mexican food. I told him I was game for any kind of food, so he picked the place and he gave me a good recommendation as to what to order. It was really refreshing to have a guy who was willing to make a decision for a date and go for it. His conversation was also really refreshing. He was super down to earth and super nice! We talked about a variety of things, ranging from family, missions, work, school, and even the Gospel. And even though it's a little taboo for the first date, we talked about our thoughts on gay marriage. Yeah, Landon is a pretty rad dude.

After dinner we went back to my apartment and we went hot tubbing. Normally I wouldn't strip down to my swim suit on a first date, but it's summer and it was a great night for hot tubing, so I allowed it. We chatted about family, school, and such. Normal conversation, not quite as interesting as the dinner conversation.

After a while of sitting in the hot tub Landon offered me a massage. I didn't freak out, but we had previously talked about our favorite ways to wind down after a long day and I mentioned hot tubbing and he mentioned massages. That's how we ended up in the hot tub....and that's how we ended up exchanging back massages. He's good. Either that or I just don't get massages often enough. Right around then, there wasn't much talking going on.

Yeah, I get that massaging is relaxing and whatnot, but I don't really like when conversation dies on a first date. The only exception would be if I've known the guy for a long time. Me and Landon? Yeah, we still have a lot of getting to know each other to do.

The date was good. I enjoyed talking to him. We had fun! And when he sent me a post date text thanking me for a fun evening, I was smiling and happy. But there's something missing. I don't know if it's that I'm waiting for the same kind of insane butterflies I felt with Kirk last summer or if I really just am not isn't Landon as more than a friend. I don't know. He seems really into me and I want to give him a chance.

To be continued...