Ten Days Later

I'm beginning to think that Provo has been a bad influence on my dating habits. True, I've been on a lot of dates in my time here and the guys here are much more willing to ask a lady out than the guys in Rexburg, but there are also a lot of them that want to just make out. Part of me hates it, part of me loves it. I kind of really enjoy kissing. However, there is a part of me that is wondering when this streak of one or two time Joes is going to end.

So what happened to Dean? We talked. He said he's not looking to date and he knows I am and he doesn't want to get in the way of that. He said he's got a lot on his plate right now and "it wouldn't be fair for you to not have the attention that you would deserve from me if we dated." And that is that. We still talk and flirt. I wouldn't be opposed to spending time with him, but we haven't seen each other. Dean is a good guy, but we just weren't meant to be. Bummer.

But you know what? I'm done being the girl who wallows in sadness and pines over the guy who didn't want a relationship. You don't want to date me? That's okay. We had fun. Time to move on!

So, only ten days after my tryst (if it can even be called that), I've found myself riding on the coat talks of a very eventful weekend.
Friday night I grabbed my roommate and went on a double date with a couple guys from Tinder. Yeah, yeah, Tinder is a wasteland of very thirsty people. But we felt bold, so we went and had a good time. I've haven't been to an arcade since my grade school friend Princess (yes, that was her given name) had her fourteenth birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. It was so fun! There's something really satisfying about getting tickets to come out of a machine by the tens. My date was an interesting guy. He definitely wasn't my type, but we had fun anyway. After we spent all our nickles, all four of us spent our tickets on dart guns and then had an all out war in the parking lot. Sometimes it feels really good to act like a total kid. Twenty four? Me? Naaahhhh  ;)

Now, I'd continue the epic tales of my weekend, but I'm having some serious trouble staying awake right now. Apparently that's what working for ten hours will do to you.

Tomorrow you get to be introduced to Milo. :)

Fingertips

There came a point in the conversation with Dean when we both kind of realized that we were going to kiss. I teased him about setting the kissing standard pretty high, which he expressed some regret over because he didn't want to make my expectations too high because he didn't want me to be let down. Friends, you can only be let down when it comes to kissing if you're kissing. Well, I suppose you can let down by not kissing at all....but we're talking skill level. You can't be disappointed about skill level if you don't get to test it out.

When I realized that Dean and I would probably kiss, I felt really nervous. Nervous, but also excited. Dean is really interesting. He's quiet and pretty reserved. It intrigues me. I want to know more about him. I want to be curl up on the couch and watch movies and then tell each other secrets while the credits roll. 

He came over one night last week in order to share his big, cozy blanket with me. We picked a movie and started it. He said, "Don't turn it up too loud, because I want to be able to talk to you." and my heart flip flopped. He and I cuddled up on the couch and he put his arm around me. It was really nice. There's just something really exciting about cuddling up with someone for the first time. You get to break down barriers and feel each others' skin. You get to allow your fingertips to trace theirs and feel the back of their hand. It was a little bit exhilarating to feel Dean's fingers brushing over the skin on my cheek, and then slowly down my arms. 

Our heads were pressed close. We were both tilting towards each other and then we kissed. I was caught up in this perfect moment between him and me. Even though the bar was set pretty high for him, Dean didn't disappoint. When two people kiss and you're able to read each other's movements, it's really enjoyable. I haven't experienced that in a while. He and I just worked together. It was a really good make out. You want to know something about quiet boys? They're the aggressive kissers. I dig it. 

So Dean and I kissed pretty quick. It's given us a bit of pause and something to think about. However, I like him. I'm not ready to give up on the possibility of something just yet. I don't know what will happen. He's pretty closed off. I hope I can break him out of his shell and really get him to tell me what he's thinking and feeling, rather than just getting vague answers. I don't want to waste my time, but I don't want to give up. 

I'm starting to think that I really suck at this whole dating thing.

"Hey Lady"

Sometimes people come into our lives who affect us in ways we didn't anticipate, not even in the slightest.

I think Dean is one of those people.

Things started out innocently, with talk of business and blogging. Asking for my input and advice? Not a problem. I'm all over that. But then we started talking about other things and, before I knew it, the entire day had slipped by and we were still talking. He made it effortless to open up and tell him about myself. He did the same. The flirting was subtle, but fun. I didn't think much of our interaction, except that I was excited for the blog growth opportunities that were ahead. Yeah, I admit it, I was driven by completely selfish motives. Okay, the flirting wasn't bad either.

I can't say what it was exactly, but Dean is interesting. He's smart and clever and ambitious. Something about him made me completely comfortable enough to drop the act and tell him who I am. I even invited him over to take a dip in the hot tub with me. Usually when I go down to the hot tub, I stay for about forty five minutes and then I'm done. Me and Dean? We were out there for about two hours just talking. It was fantastic, albeit a little bit awkward meeting for the first time, not really knowing each other except for talking for a couple days beforehand. You know what? I had a great time. I really enjoyed talking to Dean and getting to know him better.

I don't know why, but I was surprised when after Dean and I met for the first time that our conversations didn't become less flirty. He's a great looking guy and could easily get any girl. For whatever reason, I just felt like things would change and he wouldn't be as fun to talk to...but he didn't change. No, instead we continued to talk and continued to flirt. He sent me texts that said, "Hey lady" and I felt my knees weakening. I didn't mean to start nurturing a crush. I didn't mean to kind of fall for him.

Um...oops?

Waters of the Web

Having a single parent is a weird thing. All of the sudden my dad wants to have dating chats with me. He wants to tell me how hard it is to go on dates and to feel like you should like someone because you know they're a good person, but you just don't feel romantically toward them. I know, Dad. I know. Please stop talking to me about dating. This is weird.

His latest thing is asking me what's wrong with the men in Provo/Idaho/all over YSA wards. 

"Why don't they ask young ladies out on dates?"

"How do you date people if the men aren't doing their job and asking?"

"Why is hanging out such a big thing?"

"I don't understand why you're still single"

"Those young men should be asking you out."

DAD. STOP. This is worse than the time I was dating Kirk and my Dad was dating a woman he was thinking about marrying. "We could have a double wedding, Leslie! How great would that be?" Nice try, but I'm having my own wedding day.

I'm getting off on a tangent. Apparently this whole Dad thing is weighing on my mind a little bit more than I realized. Anyway...

I had a conversation with my dad last weekend about dating, like we usually do these days, and he asked me what my thoughts are on internet dating. Oh boy, big question. We live in a modern age, right? People are turning to internet dating more and more. Is it because we have busier schedules? Because we're more comfortable hiding behind a computer screen than actually approaching someone and striking up a conversation? I don't know, maybe it's just becoming less and less and more, well, normal. Whatever the reason, more and more people are turning to internet dating.

A couple weeks ago my roommate and I were watching TV and an add for Match.com came on. "Hey Leslie," she said, turning to me "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna set up a Match.com profile!" I didn't think she was serious, but a few minutes later she told me she had decided not to because that site costs money. Instead of paying money for internet dating, she and I decided that we'd both set up accounts on a free site. It was kind of weird at first, answering all sorts of questions about myself and my dating habits, but then I told myself that it's not really much different than Tinder and it's not like I'm going to be seriously using it, so I might as well have fun.

So accounts were set up. Profiles were filled out. Pictures were uploaded. Let the online dating games begin.

My inbox was flooded with messages, but most of them were from creepers. Apparently if you're not LDS living in Utah, you internet date. And, if you're not LDS and you're internet dating, it is a prerequisite to be a complete creeper. Yeah, lots of guys were disregarded and I almost deactivated my account because it felt like a lost cause. However, through talking to a handful of men I ended up talking to two guys who are really pretty awesome.

One guy, Dylan, is super normal and really interesting. He's LDS and active. He's smart, funny, and into a lot of the same music that I am. We've talked about meeting up with each other but we haven't made nay definite plans yet. We'll see!

The second guy is Jarom. He's a third grade teacher and he's a firecracker. He served his mission in Paris and is a food enthusiast, like myself. Jarom and I went on a date on Monday night. He picked me up and we went on a drive through the Provo canyon to see all the Fall foliage. It was simple and really fun! He's got a huge personality. He's kind of a theater type person in the sense that he speaks with melody  in his voice and sometimes sings or uses an accent. I used to be more like that in high school but since then I've mellowed out. Still, it was fun being with someone who reminded me of my younger, crazier self.

Here's the weird thing about my date with Jarom: It ended well. He took me home and he opened the car door and we shared a nice, lingering hug goodbye. He thanked me for a nice time. A few hours later I sent him a text thanking him for taking me out...and I haven't heard anything from him since. I'm trying not to be disappointed, but I am a little saddened.

I don't know. Maybe internet dating just isn't something I should be spending any time on. Sorry, Dad!

Leslie Responds to The LDS Dating Guru

It would appear that some of you men have your panties in a bunch (can I use that with men?) over the last post. Calm down. First of all, if you don't agree with it, then don't take his advice. Secondly, are you a woman? Do you have experience in attracting a man? Speaking as a woman with plenty of experience in attracting men and trying to figure out how to better do that, The Libertarian offered some good advice.

He told us gals to stop doing a few things in order to get a man.

1. "Stop being the girl that sits and says nothing during FHE"

What's so bad about this advice? All he's saying is to stop being a wallflower because being a wallflower won't get you anywhere. You want a man? You have to do something in order to be noticed and men won't notice a quiet wallflower.

2.  "Bring a platter of cookies over to his apartment"

Elder Oaks once said for young women to not do this. I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but I admit that my cooking/baking skills are superior. I'm guilty of using this to my advantage, mentioning to guys what a phenomenal cook I am and conveniently having tons of baked goods at my apartment when guys come over. Don't get me wrong, I stick to Elder Oaks' advice in the sense that I don't let men take advantage of my willingness to cook and bake. I give them a taste of what I can do, but then make them work for more.

3. "Adding him on Facebook"

Not sure about this one. Too eager? Might come off as a stalker? I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but the hype about Facebook and being friends with everyone you know is kind of falling flat with me. I don't really care about Facebook any more.

4. "Asking him about where he went to high school"

Try college. Try asking current questions about his life. Asking about high school only works when you're in high school.

5. "Bearing your testimony"

Okay, I slightly agree and slightly disagree with this one. I think there is a time and a place for the bearing of testimonies. I find a man with a testimony to be highly attractive and would hope he thinks the same about mine. However, on most dates bearing your testimony isn't really the time or place unless the conversation leads you to such a moment, which is rare. Yes, testimonies are attractive. No, I don't think dates are appropriate places to bear them, nor do I think you should have to bear your testimony in order to attract a mate.

6. "Asking nonstop mission questions"

This kind of goes along with the high school one. There's more to a man than his mission, make an effort to get to know all about him. After a while that one topic gets boring. Missions are great, but there is more to life than missions.

Probably the biggest thing that was disagreed with in the Libertarian's post was his experience with girls with "extra pounds." It's no secret that men are visual creatures. It's no secret that, in general, skinnier, more fit girls get more guys. This is nothing new! Just like us girls drool over actors like Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman, men would love the chance to walk into the room with a girl who clearly takes care of herself. Even I said that us ladies need to hit the gym and do something about our appearance to feel more confident. Looking good makes you feel good about yourself, which boosts your confidence, which makes you happier, which makes you more attractive to the opposite sex.

Besides, the Libertarian's final point about that girl was she was demanding, which is why he ended things with her, not because she was a little more full figured. See? Weight wasn't the deal breaker, personality  was. GOSH. Stop getting so worked up by the mention of weight. It's not the most important factor!

Anyway...He also offered a few tips on what to do in order to get a man.

1. "Smile"

Hmm...this sounds familiar. Pretty sure I told you ladies to smile not that long ago...

2. "Approach him"

The key part of this point is that the Libertarian didn't say "Go ask him out," he simply meant that it goes a long way when a girl has the courage and confidence to approach a guy first and strike up a conversation. It exhibits confidence and men like confidence.

3. "Compliment his clothes, ask if he works out, touch his arm, and tease him"

All of this can be summed up with this: Ladies, you need to flirt! If you want a guy to notice you, you have to make sure he notices you noticing him. Remember when I said you need to try your hand at some obvious flirting? This is the kind of thing I meant.

4. "Touch him, FLIRT it up!"

Hear that, girls? Flirting goes a long way. You've got to be obvious and confident. Have fun with it! Express interest. Keep him engaged with lively conversation. Touch him. Compliment him.

The Libertarian of Love knows what he's talking about, and I like to think I do, too.