Nope

Maybe it was the time away from Isaac, maybe it was the time I spent singing Blame it on the Rain in the car over and over during the break, but something clicked in my head.  I am not going to wait around for Isaac to one day wake up and realize that I'm the perfect girl for him.

I'm so into this guy, it's ridiculous.  I'm pining after someone who's pining after some other pretty girl at school.  Why?  Why am I wasting time on him?  I think it's because I want someone to set my sights on, somewhere to put my focus.  He's a good guy, he's handsome, he's funny.  I enjoy his company more than pretty much anyone.  I feel comfortable with him.  However, I feel as though I'm not doing anything of any worth here.

When I was in love with Tyson, I did most of the work in the relationship.  I spent forever trying to get him to respond to what I was doing, which he ended up doing, even if it was reluctantly.  I'm a sucker for begging for attention.  I'm a sucker for falling for the guy who doesn't want to beg for my attention.  Why?

I'm done with it.  If Isaac wants to chase other girls, by all means he may, but I'm not going to sit around pining for him.  That book is closing

     

Kickin' it in the friend zone

After a long battle with myself over what to do about Isaac, I came to an epiphany today.

Isaac is over the girl he was chasing for a while.  He's got his sight set on someone new already.  He's gaining confidence as far as asking girls out, so it's not like he's hiding behind his fear of rejection anymore.  What does this mean for me?  He's not chasing me.  He's not trying to take me out on a date.  Despite inviting me over to watch movies, he's not coming onto me in a romantic way, it's purely friendship.

What do I stand to gain from telling him that I've been harboring this crush pretty much since I met him?  At this point, nothing.  At this point, I'm so far in the friend zone that telling him I like him would be the equivalent of strapping a bomb to myself and walking over to his apartment to detonate.  It would be a willing destruction of his view of me and my integrity as a woman,

Am I going to tell Isaac that I've been jonesing for his affection these past couple months?  No.  I'm going to wait it out.  I'm going to be the friend that's by his side, supporting him and making him laugh.  I'm going to be the perfect best friend.  If he realizes that I like him, good for him, maybe then we can date.  If he doesn't, oh well.

The point is, I'm worth more than blurting out my feelings for someone just to get a chance when they didn't even notice me before.  I shouldn't have to shout my affections from the rooftop just to be recognized as a player in the game.  If he's smart, he'll realize that I'm one of the best things to ever happen to him.  If he's not, that he'll miss out on something great and I'll end up with someone who's worth my time.

I am Leslie.  I'm worth a guy's full attention.  Let's face it, I'm a pretty rad girl.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRISG6pZIoc&ob=av2e

Gettin' serious

It's official, I'm changing my dating views from just having fun, to getting serious and finding someone to settle down with.  I don't know if it's because I'm here at school and marriage is everywhere, that I'm realizing all my friends are either married or having babies, or if I'm just growing up and becoming more mature along the way.  Whatever the cause, I'm finally ready to admit to myself that yes, I'm at BYU-Idaho to find a husband.

This doesn't mean I'm going to marry the first guy that comes along, don't get me wrong.  Marriage isn't necessarily my primary goal of being here, I'm getting a quality education.  I love my classes this semester, things are going really really well.

I'm excited for what the future holds.  I'ma get my marriage on.

In the mood for love

Something about the snow makes me get in the mood to snuggle.  It snowed a ton this morning and now all I want to do is curl up on a couch and drink hot chocolate with a cute boy.  A cute, funny boy.  With Isaac, to be specific.

Instead I'm writing papers and watching movies by myself.

My Dilemma

I have a problem.

I've got a friend with whom I spend a lot of time.  We hang out nearly every night, we walk to class together, we cuddle during movies, we text each other funny things.  I really kind of like this guy.  His name is Isaac.  I've been avoiding posting about him because I keep telling myself that I don't want to like him, he's just a good friend.  I feel like posting an official post about Isaac confirms my feelings for him.

It's a little late for confirmation because I've already written plenty of journal entries and every night I come home from his apartment, I'm grilled by my roommates about what's going on with the two of us.  Something is going on and I don't know what it is.  I'm not sure if it's just friendship, since he confides in me about the girls he's been talking to, or if it's something possibly more due to the fact that he makes me take his arm when we're walking about and he strokes my hand or leg or arm when we're watching a movie.  I'm desperate to know whether or not there really is something more there.

Here's my hold up: If I tell Isaac that I'm into him, I could lose the friendship, which I consider to be one that I hold most dear.  Along with his friendship, I could lose my friendship with all his roommates, with whom I also spend a lot of time with.  Or, if I told him and he got awkward, the friendship wouldn't necessarily be lost, but it could be tainted by the awkwardness of the situation.  Or, by some miracle, he could reveal that he's into me as well.  I don't know what to do.

I want to tell him, but I don't.

I'm not really like that

It's really hard having roommates who go on dates every night.  Literally, two of my roommates go out on (or decline) a date EVERY night.  Sometimes they have to debate over which guy they're going to say yes to that night.  I'm exhausted for them.  But also jealous.

I need to stop being one of the guys and girl it up a bit more.  But I don't want to become the kind of girl that makes out with a different guy every night.  My roommates are like that.  I've suddenly become acutely aware that I don't want to be the kind of girl this blog makes me out to be.  At least when I first started it, when I was meeting up with Daniel all the time.  I want to be the girl who dates guys, but doesn't slut around.

I do have a date this weekend, even if it's not one I'm really stoked about.  It's still a date.  I'm a little bit excited for it.

A Man's Man

I borrowed this from Urban Dictionary to help you get the feel for what I'm trying to get at.

Who is the Man's Man? He's the real class act. He always shaves and wears clothes that fit. He's worldly, educated, and a gentleman. He thinks that buttoned shirts are not just for special occasions and that newspapers have more than one section. While he is polite, he is not a pushover. He will swear when he needs to, but will try to control his temper. He can handle his liquor and keeps himself in shape. Most importantly, he will admit his faults and errors, because that is what real men do.  For these reasons, women want him and men want to be him.


This is what I want (minus the drinking and swearing).  This is what I need.  I need a guy who is going to be a gentleman.  I need a guy who is going to be suave, but mysterious.  I need a guy who's going to crush spiders and change the oil.  I need a guy who's going to watch Saving Private Ryan but get a little misty eyed while doing so.  I need a guy who isn't afraid to be a man, but to balance that out with a softer side.  


Too many of the guys I know are too much of one extreme, either too feminine or too manly.  There's a balance that works and this is where you find the Man's Man.  He's the kind of guy who'll take me on a date dirt biking followed by a lovely dinner at his apartment that we cook together.  I need a guy who'll comfort me when I'm upset, but also someone who'll defend my honor at any cost.  Does that make sense?  


I really need a manly guy.  A manly guy I can hold a long conversation about nothing, or everything, with.  A manly guy who can take care of me and be humble enough to admit that sometimes he needs to be taken care of.