My Perfect Christmas

You know how you always dream of big romantic moments happening just like in the movies, yet real life sucks and you're always let down? Weeeelllllll, sometimes things do happen like in the movies. But let me catch you up...

Colton and I are thriving. We've known each other for just about a year and we've dated nearly the entire year. This is huge for me. The last time a relationship of mine lasted longer than four months it was long distance with a liar who was in the coast guard, stationed in Alaska. Yeah, it sucked. But Colton? It's marvelous. He lives ten minutes away, he's not a liar, and he's active in the church. Three major things going for him.

The two of us have been working on getting to know each other better and communicating issues we see within the relationship. We've connected in a way that I've never experienced before. He puts me at ease in a way that I never thought I'd feel. In previous relationships I've always had a sense of anxiety over the future, like the panic about the uncertain future in the relationship was palpable. But with Colton? I feel peace. Everything feels clear. I'm confident in our future together.

Okay. Time for that perfect moment.

This Christmas I didn't get to go home and be with my family because I had to work, which sucked. Boo. But it did mean I got to spend a lot of holiday time with Colton. On Christmas Eve I went over to his house (roommates were gone for the Holidays, so the kitchen was clean (!!!) and we had the place to ourselves. I made him dinner and he made me his mom's homemade Christmas sugar cookies. We sat on the floor and exchanged gifts (we gave each other books. we're such nerds.) We curled up on the couch and watched It's a Wonderful Life and we paused it so I could facetime my family and read scriptures with them. The entire night it was snowing outside. I love the way the world gets soft and quiet when it snows. It was honestly such a perfect night, even down to when it was time for me to go home and Colton came outside and dug my car out of the snow and made me promise to drive slow and safe.

The really perfect night was Christmas day. I worked a 10 hour shift and it was busy and crazy and I was exhausted, but I really wanted to go see Colton that night. By the time I got to his place, it was dark and all my dreams of playing in the fresh Christmas snow were dashed by the desire to be snuggled up and warm. Also, cats. Colton's roommates have two really cute cats and I really wanted to play with them. Colton had The Hateful Eight cued up for us to watch (yes, we're sinners, yes he got the movie online, yes I know it's rated R and Tarantino is a gruesome director and there's a controversial scene with Samuel L Jackson in that movie, BUT I DON'T CARE. We watched it because Tarantino is my favorite and I've been waiting forever for this movie) so we got all snuggled up. Shortly into the movie he jumped up to get us hot chocolate (you know when you're watching a movie and they're drinking or eating something and you really want to drink or eat that thing too? Yeah they were drinking coffee in the movie and Colton decided he wanted hot chocolate.) It was taking him foreeeever to make the drinks, but when he finally brought over the mugs (mine was on a full sized dinner plate, like an oversized saucer. too cute.) He also brought over a plate of peeled clementine oranges and a plate of some of the sugar cookies he made the night before.

So there we were, snuggling on Christmas, sipping our hot chocolate, dunking our sugar cookies in it, and eating orange slices. It was perfect. PERFECT. Plus it was snowing again. After the movie we were snuggling and kissing a bit. He leaned over and brushed his hand on my cheek and said, "You're so beautiful" so I leaned in and kissed him. Then he said, "I love you." It was so soft, but so sincere. I know he was scared when he said it, but I honestly can't ask for a more perfect, more romantic moment. It was straight out of movie. The snow, the soft glow of Christmas lights, the man, the cats (yay cats!) I love that man. I'm so madly, deeply, peacefully in love with him.

You mark my words, there will be a wedding in 2016 and it will be mine and Colton's.

Quick Update

All you need to know: Colton and I are still together. Things are better than ever between us. Our communication is on point. Our comfort is on point. I'm so happy. We're still in no rush, so marriage is a ways away. I'm in love, though. It's real.

Colton's Proposal

Are you all wondering what has happened between me and Colton?

It has been nearly a month since the kiss. The two weeks that followed the kiss was torture. My mind was basically a war zone, attacking itself at every turn, turning small moments of quiet into gigantic, pregnant pauses. I felt overwhelmed with anxiety. Seriously, overthinking things is not healthy. I'm the queen at overthinking.

It was a week and a half later when Colton and I got together to watch a movie. I went over to his apartment and sat on the far end of the couch. I didn't want him to think I was turning that one kiss into him wanting to get back together. My mother's words kept ringing in the back of my mind "Let him come get you." Toward the end of the movie I shifted and he offered to allow me to stretch my legs out across his lap. This resulted in a foot rub. Okay, you've got to know that I do not like having my feet touched. I've never gotten a pedicure. But Colton rubbing my feet was divine. It was innocent in a way, yet it was also sensual. Yeah, we ended up making out. 

Kissing was followed by some really, really great cuddling. We were on the brink of falling asleep on the couch when I mustered up the courage to ask the question that had been eating away at me, "Colton, is this happening because you're lonely and horny, or do you really miss me?" It was silent for a moment before he sighed and said, "I miss you. I mean, I'm lonely and it does feel really nice to be close to someone, but I miss this." I started off on a rant about how I'm okay if it's just a hook up thing, but that I need to know so I can make sure that I put whatever feelings I still have for him on lock. His response was an immediate, "No no no, don't bottle up any feelings. That's not good." And then we put the conversation on pause and I went home. 

The fact that we had paused the conversation that would make or break us drove me crazy. I was desperate to finish the conversation and know what our fate is. I couldn't sleep because overthinking was all I could do. Finally on a Monday I told him we had to talk, I couldn't stand another day. He had plans after work, so we arranged a phone call instead. We started talking and he said, "Well, I've been on some dates since we broke up and they made me think about what I want in someone and what qualities are important to me. You have those qualities. I'd like to give us another try and see where it goes. If you want to, I mean."

I'm gonna pause this story here for now. Next up: the battle between my heart and my head.

Mom's Advice

My mom always told me this, "Leslie, don't chase after him. If he wants you, he'll come get you." This is advice I've tried to live by, but it's really hard. We live in a society that's trying to alter the dating scene. My mother tried to encourage me to follow a traditional approach in dating, but everywhere I hear encouragement in being an aggressive girl who goes after what she wants. Kind of confusing, right? 

The confident 21st century woman in me wants to chase the guy and get what I want. Theoretically that sounds great. Go for it. But you know what? The feminine, soft, womanly side of me wants to be pursued. Like, damn it! I want a man who will chase me. I want the kind of man my mom told me about, the kind who comes after what he wants. Where are those guys? How do we get society to encourage men to be that kind of guy?

At the beginning of the month I went to a movie with Colton. We've been to a few movies over the last month together, since both of us are cinema fanatics. We don't really talk or anything, we just meet up at the theater, watch a movie, and go our separate ways. This wasn't anything different. Nothing really happened, we just saw a movie and then said goodbye. It was kind of nice. I feel like I am finally reaching a point where I know pining after Colton is pointless. The words my mom said rang in my head, "if he wants you, he'll come get you."

The following day Colton and I ended up going swimming, mostly because I didn't have anyone else to go with and I really needed a dip in a pool. When we said goodbye, something weird happened. We hugged. Colton and I had our first physical contact since the night we broke up. It may have just been falling back into familiarity, but he leaned down and kissed me. It was a perfect, albeit a bit confusing, moment. 

Later that night he texted me and told me he kissed me because he felt like doing it. Then we said goodnight and let it be. 

Maybe my mom was right. Maybe it really is best to let the guy chase after you. If he wants you, he'll come get you.

To be continued...

Summer Lovin'

It's been just about two months since Colton and I broke up. I've been on several dates with two different guys. 

Guy 1: RM. Lives with his parents. Hilarious. Kind of goofy looking, but personality makes up for it. Really wants a relationship. Is a weird kisser. Doesn't know if he believes in the gospel anymore.

Guy 2: RM. Has a technical school degree and one year of college left. Super smart. Mega handsome. Slightly dull, but maybe that's just the surfer way he speaks, because he's good at carrying conversation and keeping things interesting. Does that make sense? Haven't kissed him. Super strong testimony.

Ugh. Why does this happen? The guy with the winning personality who puts me at ease has a super weak testimony? That's such a key element to what I want in a guy and I can't overlook it! 

I'm tired of dating. It can be fun, it can have its moments. I have enjoyed meeting these two guys, but I'm tired of playing games and finding men who don't have the qualities I'm looking for.

Colton had what I was looking for, except the confidence to be the man I want. It still smarts. No summer love for me. 

It Just Sucks

These past few months I've been living in a dream world. I've been having a really wonderful time getting to know Colton. For my birthday he took me out to dinner and then to go see Avengers: Age of Ultron. I was sick, which totally sucked, but it was still a nice night and I was so happy. 

What happened last week can't be described as anything other than a punch in the gut. Colton ended things. He came over to make dinner and watch netflix. We started out with grilling steaks and ended with us on a walk around the block, me crying and him saying he doesn't care for me as more than a friend. 

It was as though the moment I had been bracing myself for ever since Colton and I started dating had arrived. In one swift move I threw my heart up, spat in on the ground, and stomped on it repeatedly. I've been squishing it under my heel for a week now. It hurts so bad that the only words I can find are "It just sucks." There's no way around the situation. I can't take back the fact that Colton and I sat on the couch in my living room after our walk and I just cried and cried while he rubbed my back and played with my hair. It was the kind of moment where I knew I needed to tell him to stop, but I never wanted that moment to end because I knew it would be the last intimate moment between us. 

He says he wants to be friends. He says he loves talking to me, that I'm beautiful and smart and independent. He said he's tried to feel more than he does, but it isn't happening. He said he's too selfish. He says I deserve someone who wants to talk to me all the time and wants to be with me all the time and that's not him. It was the most crushing rejecting blow I've felt in a very long time. I finally have my head on straight and I know what I want, yet here it is not wanting me back.

My break up with Braden was easy. I felt relieved and happy it was over. But with Colton? I feel devastated. I feel as though my heart will shatter into a million pieces if I breathe too hard, but if I don't breathe hard I know I'm going to suffocate from sadness.  

I'll be okay, but for now I'm not okay. 

Checking In

These past couple months have felt like my life has suddenly put into motion after sitting stagnant for a long time. Things have been happening and life has just been GOOD. 

I have a temple recommend. I have a calling. I have this burning understanding of Christ's love for me and my role as a daughter of God. I am home. I am finally back to who I know I'm supposed to be. I am Leslie and I am happy. 

Colton and I are still dating. Things are really, really good with him. He's sweet and funny and laid back. I enjoy my time with him so much. I can't believe I've been so blessed to spend my time with such a wonderful man. 

The best thing about our relationship is this: we aren't worrying about an end goal. We both know that marriage is the reason we're dating. We both know that eventually we want marriage, even if it's not with each other. Instead of worrying about whether or not we're going to get married or if we're right for each other, we've simply been reveling in what we have. We give each other the space we need, yet we talk often and have a great time going on dates. We talk about the future. We share secrets. We discuss our hopes and dreams. We cuddle. Last weekend we were spooning on my couch and he said quietly, almost to himself, "It's kind of funny, you fit perfectly." 

I can testify that blessings come when you're working hard to be good. When you're focusing on the right things and putting your heart in the right place, blessings come. Colton is my blessing. He is wonderful. 

I am so happy.

This isn't what I expected

To say that I barely survive this last week would be an understatement. By Friday I had resigned myself to my imminent fate and I succumbed to the sadness that is PMS. Yeah, being hit with PMS while waiting for Colton to make up his mind was not helpful. My gosh, it was not helpful. But that's beside the point. It was a rough week.

I don't even know how to write this post. I keep thinking of everything that happened over the weekend, but I don't really want to write about it. Colton didn't ditch me. He didn't say he'd be my boyfriend, but he did say he's not seeing anyone else. He's scared and I'm frustrated and honestly, I don't know that I want to write about our story. Everything has been coming together over the past few days. Colton and I are figuring things out and finding how we fit together as a unit.

Maybe we don't need labels like "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" because we're committed to each other without those. Maybe he'll come to San Francisco in April with me. Maybe we'll break up when he gets back from Europe. I don't know. But what I do know if I'm pretty dang happy with Colton. I'm starting to wonder what he would think about my writing this blog. How would he react if he knew I was telling the details of our relationship to the internet? How would I feel if he were doing the same about me?

So that's where I am. Happily basking in the brightness that is Colton and probably not going to tell you about it.

Am I supposed to apologize for this? I don't know.

Gravedigger

You know, sometimes something seems like a good idea in the moment, but after the moment passes you start second guessing everything. For example, last weekend I kept having these thoughts pop in my head about Colton on a date with another girl. It was making me incredibly sad and hurt, even though it was just a scenario I was making up in my head (albeit he IS going on dates with other girls, he isn't cultivating any relationships like ours...at least I don't think he is.) SO I made the decision that I was going to tell him I don't want him to see other people. We had a date lined up for Saturday and I had my mind made up. 

We had a good time shopping together. We went to his apartment and played some video games. We watched a movie and lounged around on the couch. It was a nice, long, relaxing day. At the end of the night, however, I felt this pressure rise in my chest because I knew I had to bring it up. As we wrapped up the date, my heart raced. we hugged goodbye and I told him, "I don't want you to date other girls." It got quiet and awkward and I suddenly felt sad again. 

Colton told me he understands where I'm coming from and he knows it's not fair for me if he's seeing other people and I'm not. He asked if he could have a week to think about it. My immediate reaction was to pout and whine and say I wanted an answer right then, but I told him he could have a week. You guys, I'm pretty convinced that I just dug my grave with this relationship. 

I mean, I'm a pretty optimistic person and I can't help but be hopeful, but I don't think Colton will be able to bury his fear and commit to a relationship. It hurts. I'm sad. I really like him and I know he's not intentionally hurting me. We both have our pasts and our failed relationships, his is just a little more extreme and he doesn't have my optimism. 

He told me the next day that he wants to be sure that our personalities are compatible and that we have attraction emotionally and spiritually rather than just physically. I know I feel it all around, but he's just not sure. I don't know how, after two months, he doesn't know yet, but I'm willing to give him a week. 

I have a knot in my stomach. I was looking forward to what we have planned this weekend, but now I'm dreading it. I don't want this to be over.

In the Office

You know how sometimes you get into a relationship where you feel like you have to continually impress your significant other in order to keep him or her interested? I certainly do. I've been there numerous times and it's completely exhausting. Colton is NOT that guy. He makes it really easy to be me while he is him. We just kind of mesh really, really well.

The other day I had an over abundance of soup (don't ask, it just happens and I know Colton loves soup (and Macaroni and Cheese and PB&J sandwiches) so I told him I'd bring him some. He told me to bring it by his office, which ended up with us spending his last hour of work sitting in office chairs, talking about whatever. I met his coworker and got a feel for what he does all day. You guys, if I worked in an office at a cubicle, I would kill myself. I couldn't do it. So much boredom! But that's beside the point.

After an hour, it was the end of Colton's work day. His coworker took off and I helped him lock up. At one point he stuck his head out a door and looked around quickly before closing it and turning to me with a huge grin. "Hey, do you want to make out in my boss's office for a minute?" I dropped my purse so fast! We didn't do anything crazy, like sit on his boss's chair or desk, we mostly just stood in the office and kissed for a few minutes. But it was still awesome and fun and spontaneous.

This is what life with Colton is like. It's fun and not complicated and real. The best thing about this relationship is that it's real. We're honest with each other and we just mesh. Ugh. This is the life.

Limbo

There comes a point in a developing relationship where you have to decide where you're going. It's been a couple weeks since my DTRS with Colton and I've really become comfortable with where we are, which is not exclusive, but still pretty serious. 

We've had a few dates recently where we've gotten dinner and watched a movie. Of course these kind of dates also include kissing, which I've been trying to keep on an appropriate level. I've hesitated to ask Colton if he's been kissing other girls, mostly because I'm afraid that putting any sort of pressure on him will make him retreat from me. Has he given me any reason to think he'll retreat? Or that he is kissing other girls? No. But I'm scared all the same. I'm so scared that any time I find something good, it can be ruined in an instant. 

This weekend we got together and made dinner. We sat at the table after we are and had a really nice, deep conversation about some of the politics of the church and where we stand and where our families stand. We shared some personal stories. We talked about our childhood homes. It was a really great evening. After a brief time of kissing, we ended up snuggling together and I got up the balls to ask him about the other girls. He told me he's been on a few other dates, but he most certainly hasn't kissed anyone else. He said, "I would let you know. I would feel too bad about it and I would definitely let you know." This was a good segway into telling him something else that's been on my mind.

"Colton," I said, with my head resting on his chest, "I know you're going on dates and I know you want to take your time and be picky, but I need you to know I'm invested. I'm here. I'm in this. I want to give you your time, but I can't wait forever for you to make up your mind." 

He nodded and said, "I know. It just scares me. It's so much easier being single and only being responsible for one person's happiness. I never want to go through a divorce again." I understand. I totally get that. But he needs to know that I'm not just here for fun and I'm not going to just sit around forever waiting for him to make up him mind. Now he knows that. 

We still have a long way to go before we can be in a relationship, but I'm content for now. We've gotten to the point where we can say important things to each other. I know where he stands and he knows where I am. He knows the clock is ticking. 

I hope he doesn't take forever.

Six and a Half Weeks

Six and a half weeks. That's how long I've been seeing Colton. We've been seeing each other more consistently, yet we're still not exclusive. A few weeks back when we had our little DTR, I walked away feeling sort of settled, sort of not. I wasn't yet convinced that taking our time would be a good thing for us. I would feel those little feelings of desperation, so familiar to me, creeping up my throat, threatening to cling onto the words I'm about to say, threatening to turn me into the sad, clingy girl I used to be. Not today, old self, not today.

During our DTR talk Colton told me that he's not the type of guy who wants to be with someone every night. He explained to me that he sometimes really likes to have an evening to himself, so I shouldn't expect him to ask to see me every day. He said, "That doesn't mean I don't want to see you, though. That doesn't mean I'm not interested." I can totally sympathize with that. When I was dating Braden, he wanted to see me every single day. Sometimes it would get exhausting, always driving to Salt Lake to see him or making sure my apartment was presentable and that I had showered. I put off lots of errands, naps, and the like to spend time with Braden because I did what he wanted, even if I didn't really want to. So when Colton explained how he needs his alone time, I didn't question it. It's nice to have some time to myself while we continue down the road we're on.

In this past week, Colton has called me up several times to spontaneously get together. We've spent a record amount of nights together in one week, including a movie night with his friends. You guys, when a man invites you to something with him and his friends and he holds your hand in their presence, it means he really likes you. Like I said, we're still not exclusive but I think we're heading in that direction. I'm still in no rush. The crazy thing is it's been six and a half weeks and I'm content with where we are. Do you know how long my whole relationship with Braden was? Ten weeks. Ten whole weeks from start to finish. Holy crap. What a huge mistake that was.

But Colton? Things are good. Things are quiet. I'm so content.

What We Are Doing

Colton and I have been seeing each other for four weeks now. Four weeks and things are still just about where they were two weeks ago. 

Things got busy for a little while. Colton had some big things for work going on and I was down with a toothache. We saw each other just about once a week, one time on a date to the Sundance Film Festival, which was so much fun, and then again the next week in passing at ComicCon. 

I had a little bit of an unsettled moment this weekend, though. I realized that in all the time Colton and I have been spending talking and going on dates, we still haven't had a DTR. A couple weeks back we went on a walk one Sunday afternoon and we talked a little bit about going slowly and taking time to get to know each other, but he never said exactly how he feels or what he's looking for with me. Four weeks in and I'm getting curious. 

I let my curiosity get the better of me this weekend. I sent him a text pretty much telling him that I need to be on the same page with him, but I have no idea what page he's on with feelings and intentions. He apologized and said he'd call me after work. Great, a whole day to agonize over what he'd say. 

I theorized that Colton would tell me it's not really working and he isn't really interested. I convinced myself that he doesn't want a relationship. I convinced myself that it's over. I mean, of course there was a small part of me who hoped he would say all the right things and say he just wants to go slow.

You know what I didn't prepare myself for? Something in the middle. Colton confided in me a couple weeks ago that he has been married. He's been divorced for over a year, but he's  now extra picky and cautious. He said full disclosure, he's still going on dates with other girls, we aren't exclusive. I knew that. However, he said he's really enjoying spending time with me and he said he'd like to continue seeing each other the way we've been seeing each other. He said, "I really like spending time with you, so let's just take our time and see where this friendship goes."

He used the word "friendship." He made it clear that we're not a couple, not for now. I'm relieved and not relieved. I guess what I need to do is just sit tight and get to know him better. Isn't slow and steady what I wanted? 

This is how dating should be. We should be dating around and getting to know multiple people. Colton and I have cut back our physical relationship, which both of us have expressed gratefulness for, but we're still interested in each other. 

My friends, this is what casual dating is. So confusing, but hopefully worth it.

First the Hare, Now the Tortise

Listening to someone talk about what they are looking for in a relationship and what they would like to do differently than they did in past relationships is eye opening. It causes me to reflect on my relationships and what I've done and what I'd like to do differently. 

I've been hasty and anxious and overbearing. I've been looking for someone to swoop into my life and fix all my problems and fill all the empty holes in my soul. But is that really what I need? Or how I need to act? I read old journal entries and blog entries and I get sick over how needy I've been in the past. How can I expect someone to want to be with me when I can't take care of myself and be happy alone? 

In the months since Braden and I broke up, I've really taken time to evaluate myself. I've done some really deep soul searching and I've spent a lot of time talking with God, expressing all this sadness and resentment and self loathing that I hadn't previously acknowledged. It's all been part of the process of getting back to myself. I've been able to start 2015 feeling like myself. 

I haven't been worrying about dating, I haven't been worrying about where I'm going to find The One or if I'm good enough. It's been time to just focus on me and what I need to do to be who I need to be. Colton showing up has been such a pleasant surprise, but also one that has scared me. I don't want to be the girl who clings to a man to feel validated. I know I don't need to do that. So I'm taking my time. I'm in no rush to get married, or even acknowledge that it's a possibility. 

Colton is really wonderful. He's not without his faults and he's taken his time with telling me about them, but he's told me and he's been an open book. We've had some pretty in depth talks this week which has been a great for us, but we also know we don't want to rush into things and be blinded by the excitement of a new relationship.

Things are going well with Colton. I hope it continues this way, slow but steady.

A Whole Effing Warehouse

I don't know about you, but there are only so many bad relationships that I can take before I stop looking for my happy ending. To say I'm a little jaded is an understatement. These past couple weeks I've had some in depth conversations with friends and family about my relationship with Braden. I look back on the relationship, which was very much a whirlwind and all happened so fast, and I realize that I was blind to so many things.

Braden had a lot of issues. Like, shelves of issues of National Geographic reaching back years and years. A hoarder of issues, you could say. Except instead of being the kind of hoarder who keeps their house filled with things, he is the type who rents a storage unit to fill with issues so no one knows how bad it really is. I never saw the storage unit, I only heard mention of it. It wasn't until I was months out of the relationship that I could clearly see that the storage unit wasn't just a unit, but an entire effing warehouse. A WAREHOUSE OF ISSUES! 

I can't believe I was so blind. It makes me sick to think that I thought I loved someone that manipulative and secretive. So how do I go forward with Colton when I know what people are capable of hiding? How do I build trust in someone? I don't know yet. 

For now I keep telling myself that slow is the key. Yes, I've already kissed Colton. Yes, I get all sappy and doe eyed when someone mentions him, but that doesn't mean I'm in love or ready to be in a relationship. I'm infatuated and that's okay. I'm two weeks into this thing with Colton and already I can see that I'm handling it differently than I did with Braden. 

I want to be able to trust someone and let them in. I want to be able to fall in love and not be terrified of having my heart destroyed. I would like to believe that happily ever after does exist, but it's really hard to see it right now. I've got my fingers crossed that Colton and I are able to continue at the pace we're going. No pressure to be something defined right away, no pressure to be each other's soulmate. 

Aren't things supposed to happen naturally? 

2015

Do you really want to know what happened with Chad? We went on several dates and I've never been so bored in my entire life. But you know what? I kept going out with him because everyone kept saying, "It just takes time! Give it one more date!" He kissed me before I went home for Christmas. He wasn't a terrible kisser, but it didn't make up for the fact that he had nothing to say. I've never met someone who was so uninteresting and uninterested, yet still came around asking for dates. In fact, when I finally told him we couldn't keep seeing each other unless it was as friends, he said "Do you think there's potential to be more?" When I told him no, he continued to ask when he could see me and saying things like, "I don't know how may more days I can go without seeing your face!" Sorry, dude. That's not enough to float a relationship on. There has to be something substantial otherwise it'll crumble. Not for me, thanks.

I went on a date right after New Year's with a guy from Tinder. He asked if I wanted to get dinner and, having low expectations but nothing going on that weekend, I accepted. His name is Colton, he's from the east coast, he went to BYUI, and he works full time. He's almost 30, active in the church, and pretty successful. I was expecting to have an awkward dinner with an awkward guy. His photos on tinder were decent, but he looked a little awkward. 

Was dinner awkward? Not at all. Was Colton awkward? Not at all. We talked effortlessly about our families, school, life in Provo. He told me about his illustrating and we talked a bit about ComicCon. We talked about movies and one that's playing came up. He asked if I would like to see it sometime and I agreed enthusiastically. I didn't know he meant that night! He looked up show times and we finished dinner quickly so we could make it. I usually don't like going to movies on a first date, but it was spontaneous and we slipped in a comment to each other here and there. 

Two days later we went out again. He asked me if I wanted to cuddle and at the end of the night he said, "Would it be too forward if I kissed you?" We kissed and it was wonderful. I've been engulfed in this surprising fairy tale that is Colton. We've been out twice more since then.  

I don't want to lose my head over this just yet. I don't know Colton very well yet but I do know that I've been very happily surprised by his appearance. So here's to the future and here's to a better year. Whatever happens with Colton is just another chapter in my book. We'll see how long it's meant to be.