It's a little bit funny...

Something strange is going on.

My best friend in the whole world, Matilda, has been playing matchmaker.  Matti got married this past April and last December I made the trek out to Arizona to meet her then-boyfriend, soon-to-be fiance, now-husband.  No one was gonna marry her without getting the stamp of approval from me.  While I was out there I went on a date with one of her friends, it was fun, but nothing came of it.  After all, I was still hopeful for Tyson and him coming home in January.  It was weird, though, Matilda has this friend named Wade who has some resemblance to Tyson.  She had him come over and hang out with us for an evening just so I could be shocked and amazed.  Resemblance ended up only being the same face shape, but Wade was funny and enjoyable to be around for the night.  

Long story short, Matilda got me and Wade talking this week.  She set us up through facebook and then she gave him my phone number and we've been texting.  Last night he even got up the nerve to call me.  It's been a whirlwind of six days and my head is spinning.  I hardly know this guy, we haven't been talking nonstop, but a fairly good amount.  Something about this is just making me lose my mind.

I feel as though this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I need to seize it before it leaves.  There's something inside me that keeps saying, "Don't let this one slip away, he could be the real deal."

That scares me.

An attempt at dating

There's this guy from the same YSA ward as Tyson and Daniel named Peter who asked me out about a month ago.  He wanted to take me out to this taco place after institute, but it was closed.  Instead we went to a BBQ place and ate and talked.  Peter is really funny.  Like, hilarious.  I couldn't keep a smile off my face because this dude was constantly saying smart things that made me crack up.  All in all, it was really fun.  I enjoyed it.  We followed up the date with another one the following week to go see the movie Captain America.  I liked the movie, he totally wanted me to hold his hand, and he totally wanted to kiss me at the end of the night.  But we did neither.

So what's the problem with Peter?  Nothing really, expect I think of him as a good friend, someone I like to spend time with but not someone I'm tempted to kiss or hold hands with.  Maybe it's his beard, maybe it's that I don't know him very well, or maybe it's even that I want someone who has the guts to actually hold me hand or kiss me, not someone who will hint at it but waits for me to make the move.  I don't want to make the move, I want a man who'll show me he wants something by asking me out on a date and the kissing me on my front door step.  Doesn't the saying go "It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission"?   What's with all these pansy boys who won't go in for the kill?  I refuse to give in to that laziness.  If I'm on a second (or third or fourth etc) date with you, the thought of kissing you has definitely crossed my mind.

Despite having so much fun with Peter when we go out, I've realized that I'm also sad when we're together and he's asking me to feel how cold his hands are or he's leaning his head on my shoulder.  I'm sad because I'm not into him and I don't feel that connection even though I really want to.  I don't want to feel alone anymore.  I think I'm still looking for someone who made me feel the way Tyson did and I don't know if I can be happy with anything less than that.  I trusted him so much...