Wednesday, November 9, 2011

My Dilemma

I have a problem.

I've got a friend with whom I spend a lot of time.  We hang out nearly every night, we walk to class together, we cuddle during movies, we text each other funny things.  I really kind of like this guy.  His name is Isaac.  I've been avoiding posting about him because I keep telling myself that I don't want to like him, he's just a good friend.  I feel like posting an official post about Isaac confirms my feelings for him.

It's a little late for confirmation because I've already written plenty of journal entries and every night I come home from his apartment, I'm grilled by my roommates about what's going on with the two of us.  Something is going on and I don't know what it is.  I'm not sure if it's just friendship, since he confides in me about the girls he's been talking to, or if it's something possibly more due to the fact that he makes me take his arm when we're walking about and he strokes my hand or leg or arm when we're watching a movie.  I'm desperate to know whether or not there really is something more there.

Here's my hold up: If I tell Isaac that I'm into him, I could lose the friendship, which I consider to be one that I hold most dear.  Along with his friendship, I could lose my friendship with all his roommates, with whom I also spend a lot of time with.  Or, if I told him and he got awkward, the friendship wouldn't necessarily be lost, but it could be tainted by the awkwardness of the situation.  Or, by some miracle, he could reveal that he's into me as well.  I don't know what to do.

I want to tell him, but I don't.

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