Rawr

There's a guy in my ward (not Will) who is super cute.  I hate to admit that I spent a long time this evening using whatever resources I had to find out his last name and, consequently, thoroughly Facebook stalk him.

Not only did I succeed in finding him, finding out that he has a girlfriend, but I also found out that he's eighteen.  He's not just a premie, he's a fresh out of high school premie.  Do I feel like a cougar?  Yes, I do.

I feel like guys have an easier time spotting their prey (indulge me here, I'm going with the whole 'cougar' thing) in the sense that a) They don't have to really even think about the mission thing because it's not required for girls, b) most freshmen girls are pretty easy to spot; if not by their youthful faces, then certainly by their immature attitudes c) boys don't really care, as long as she fun and pretty.  For girls, particularly "older" girls like me (clarification: older is not mid-twenties, it's early twenties.  At BYU-I do, that is considered old) , it's really hard to decipher how old a guy is.  It's a challenge (sometimes) to get them to mention something about their mission, which helps you gauge whether or not they're in the dateable zone.  If he doesn't mention it right off the bat, then he's either a premie or he's a little more humble than your typical, "When I was on my mission..." kind of guy.

Point is, I never know when a guy is a premie or an RM.

I'm not a cougar on purpose, it just happens.  He was too attractive.  And too young.

-facepalm-

The Ben Report

Ben showed up around noon, thankfully (or not..?) by then I had finished an essay I had due tonight and, of course, didn't start until 10am this morning.  Am I an essay writing machine?  Perhaps.  No wait, I definitely am.  A humble one, though.  Anyway. . .

I honestly had no idea what to do with him.  I felt awkward and tired and, quiet frankly, bored to tears with the conversation.  I killed some time showing him around campus, puffing my chest up with pride over the I Center (have I ever mentioned that I love that building?) and beamed when he gushed over how lavish the Crossroads is.  From there we went out to lunch with some friends.  We wanted to go to Ying Yang (you know, the chinese place over by Domino's and that new candy shop) but they were closed for lunch, so we headed to Costa Vida.  Were you there today?  We may have seem each other and not even realized it.

After lunch was when things got way weird, since I wanted to take a nap or watch a movie or do something leisurely.  But we didn't, we just sat on my couch, sort of shot the breeze, and played games on our cell phones.  I escaped to my room a few times and vented to roommates that I just wanted him to leave.

But seriously, who invites themselves to visit for an entire day when you haven't even talked more than a word or two in the past six months?  It doesn't make sense.  I was so furious.  There went sleeping in and watching the Bachelor (don't judge me; it's a guilty pleasure.)

We rounded the day off with some sledding at the dunes and a movie on TV.  Then, instead of staying for the night, he decided to head home around 9pm.  What a relief.

His intentions were to get out of Provo for a day or two, but I'm positive he wouldn't have minded if I had gotten all up in his personal space.  The dude is older and ready for a wife, but makeouts are still okay by him.  The closest we got, though, was sitting in the backseat together.  No worries, he won't be comin' around any time soon.

Ben comes a'calling

A couple summers ago a guy in my singles ward asked me out on a date.  His name was Ben, he was older than me by a couple of years (but let's face it, most of the guys in my singles ward were way older than me.  I was a youngin' for that ward) but he was funny and smart and pretty well off (guy was a rocket scientist.  Seriously.)  The date was fun, for the most part.  We went to a sporting event and our team won.  I had fun supporting the team and cheering at the top of my lungs with Ben.  I was turned off, however, when it was announced that the tickets from that game would be good at a local restaurant for the next week for a free burger.  Normally that wouldn't be a turn off; I love food.  However, Ben announced how excited he was to take those two tickets, his and mine, to use them to take another girl from our ward on a date that weekend.  

I had assumed we would use them to get some post-game grub, but apparently I didn't even have a claim on my own ticket.  Granted, he paid for them, but it was still rude.  Since then, I've been disinclined to go on another date with Ben.  I mean, seriously, who talks about future dates with other people while on a date?  Not my first topic of conversation.  

Ben is the kind of guy who'll comment on everything I post on Facebook with something witty and flirty for a couple weeks, then go completely AWOL and not talk to me for a couple months.  I don't really mind, I've never been really attracted to him, he's just a friend.  These past couple weeks, however, he's been pretty adamant about posting how cute I look in pictures, how I'm so funny, etc.  Out of the blue, he texted me and told me he was in Utah for the weekend but had no plans.  He hasn't ever been to Rexburg and, essentially, he invited himself up for a visit.

I'm fairly certain I'm the only person Ben knows here.  I now have the responsibility to entertain him for the weekend and I'm not really ready for that.  I was planning on baking and writing papers all day, but now I have the obligation of going out and about to show this guy what's so great about Rexburg.  I love this town, I really do, but I'd rather enjoy it at my leisure, rather than be forced out my apartment on the weekend to show around some guy who was blatantly rude on a date.

Wish me luck.

Valentine's Day is fast approaching

Valentine's Day.  Two words that invoke visions of cherubs, boxes of chocolates, and lingerie.  They also invoke visions of sitting by yourself, stabbing little paper cutouts with a pair of childproof scissors.

Valentine's Day, Single's Awareness Day, Lonely Heart's Unite, Vamlumtimes Day, V-Day, Cupid's Holiday...whatever you call it, it's sure got two very different sides.

Out of all the Valentine's Days of my past, I've spent only one of them with a boyfriend (Joe.  I've mentioned him before.  He's not much to talk about... definitely a boyfriend I regret).  And, at the time, Joe lived across the country since we were both on our off track.  We sent each other pretty awesome Valentine's packages that were super cute (mine was better; I bought a GIANT (!!!) stuffed bear and put a voice recording of a sweet message in it's paw.  I'm the best girlfriend) but other than that, it was pretty uneventful.

This year I don't think will be any different from the previous years; I will sit in my apartment, most likely joined by roommates, for an evening of chickflick watching, wallowing in our lack of men.  It will be a S.A.D party to the max.  Maybe we'll even deck the walls with torn up hearts and images of Cupid bleeding with his own arrow stabbed in his chest.  But I'm not hostile towards the holiday or anything...

It would be nice to have someone to hold on Valentine's Day.  I have 20 days to get the guy.  Will, watch your back.

When I get married, I'm wearing this on Valentine's Day.  Only this.

The first step in moving on...

It's been a snowy weekend.  Well, snowy and rainy.  Is it bad that I kind of wish it was all snow?  I'm ready for some snowball fights and building forts.  Being from California, I never really got to do that stuff when I was a kid, so being in Rexburg in the winter takes me back to my younger years.  Makes me feel like a kid again.  Snow feels pretty magical.  I feel like love is in the air when it snows.  

Also, I feel pretty good about forgetting about Wade.  In fact, I don't really feel like I miss him.  Or think about him nearly as much.  Having an interest helps.  I decided this weekend that, yeah, it's okay to be interested in your FHE brother.  As long as I stick to my guns and not freak out and overwhelm the dude, it won't hurt anything to develop a crush.

His name is William, Will for short.  He's an RM, which is nice, since premies drive me crazy.  You're too young for me, boy!  Super cute, gorgeous baby blue eyes, hilarious personality.  We played hangman on scrap paper during Sunday school today, but we still participated and he had a couple really good, spiritual insights.  Man, I don't know if there's anything more attractive than a man who knows how to be chill, but also how to be spiritual.  That's not true, a man holding a child would give him a run for his money.

I have a hard time saying that I have a full blown crush on the kid, based on the fact that I really hardly know him.  For now, we'll just stick with him being an interest.

Will has peaked my interest and I'm okay with that.  Who knows, with these snow storms blowing in, maybe love will blow my way.

Tweet Tweet

Look to your right, underneath my bio.  See something new?

Yeah, that's right, Leslie got herself a Twitter account.  Twitter is a guilty pleasure of mine and I often find myself wanting to tweet things that would be relevant to this blog...so I caved and I made a Mormon Skank one.  I'm really excited for it, actually.  More followers?  I hope so!

Go ahead and follow me.  Make my day, I dare you.

I kinda dig closure

Yesterday I started talking to Wade for a bit, just kind of breaking a silence that had lasted a couple of days (except on Facebook; Wade likes to like or comment on everything I post) and after a couple of texts I got pretty fed up with the wondering and asked him if he'd thought about what we talked about (visiting, what he wants out of this...) and pretty much if he'd made a decision.  

He said he wants to visit, he just doesn't know what he'll be able to.  He told me he feels like he's in the right place right now, which means he won't be moving out in Idaho any time soon.  Then he pretty much told me that we can be friends, but right now he feels like he's in the right place and he's not going to do anything until he gets the feeling that he needs to do something else.  

I knew this was what was going to happen; I can see the signs, I can recognize when something is dying.  It was the ever present optimist in me that was clinging to the shred of hope that maybe, just maybe Wade would wake up and take action.  

It is what it is, I've prepared myself for this moment, I'm feeling alright.  It'll take off some of the worry and wonder and headache that Wade has been these past couple months.  And truthfully, it was really fun for that first little while.  I really liked having someone to talk to all the time and text and flirt with.  

Maybe next time it will just happen with someone who's living in the same town as me.

Fingers crossed!