Ring Check

It should be required by law to wear a wedding band or engagement ring, even if you're a guy. Actually, especially if you're a guy. I can't tell you how many times, both in Utah and at BYU-Idaho, I did a ring check on a guy, he wasn't wearing one, so I proceeded to flirt up a storm. And then it takes them forever to mention their fiance or wife! I don't understand it. All men should have to wear a ring as indication that they are not fair game. It would save us flirty girls a bit of embarrassment.

I started a new job here in Utah. I love it, it keeps me busy, it pays the bills, and I have a really fun, attractive coworker. Most of the people who work there are married girls, so when I noticed that this guy didn't have a ring, I got a little excited and turned up the flirting. His name is Anthony. He's one of the managers and our positions end up interacting a lot when it's a busy day, so he and I are always helping each other out and getting things done.

We work in a restaurant, so things are tight back where we're moving around and getting food out and Anthony and I are always dancing around each other trying to be quick and efficient. Completely on accident, my hand will brush his as we pass by each other and he'll say something like, "What are you trying to do, hold my hand??" and laugh and smile his cute smile at me. We tease each other nonstop.

Yesterday a freak monsoon came out of nowhere and hit right as he and I were both getting off work. I usually take the bus, but the bus system was all messed up because of football traffic, the rain, and downed power lines. My roommate said it would take her forever to come get me, so Anthony offered me a ride. I accepted, since it's only about a ten minute ride and it would be way better than waiting for my roommate. Our conversation was really good and he was asking me all kinds of questions about school and life and dating. He asked if I was single and teased me a little bit. Then we hit traffic, since the roads were flooded.

The ten minute drive ended up taking an hour and a half. About half an hour into it Anthony mentioned that he's got a wife. And then he mentioned that he has kids! It just about blew my mind and I suddenly felt extremely awkward. Awkward for another hour! Not only did I feel bad that driving me home was taking so long and that I had been flirting with a married man, but also that I was keeping him from getting home to his kids and wife. I can't even describe to you how awful I felt.

This is why men need to wear rings. I'm probably going to ask my fiance to wear a ring when we're engaged and I'm most certainly going to have him wear a ring when we're married. What's the point of a ring check if half the married men don't wear rings? C'mon, dudes! Get your act together!

I Might Have A Problem

I'm starting to realize something about myself, but I'm not exactly sure what it means. I might have a fear of commitment. It's not something that exists all the time, but just some of the time. When I was seeing Kirk I had no problem with commitment. I was all about the commitment, but he wasn't. There was something keeping him from being able to fully commit to me and it wreaked havoc on every aspect of my life. Now I'm getting involved with Landon and I can't fully commit myself to a relationship with him.

I've written about how you can't force a spark and the way in which giddiness factors into liking someone. With Landon I felt like the conversation flowed really well on our first date. He was interested to learn about me and I was interested to learn about him. There was a mutual spark. But the moment we got into the hot tub at the tail end of that first date, that spark died for me. Landon went from being this charming guy who wanted to get to know me to just another guy who wanted to suck face. And I obliged. Yeah, I know...my fault!

Landon came over yesterday and I kept my distance. He wanted to snuggle and watch What Not To Wear with me. I took a moment and said, "Hey Landon, I think we need to tone it down. I didn't plan on kissing you and I want to make sure we take time to get to know each other. So let's take a step back and get to know each other, okay?" He was all for it, but he made no effort to get to know me and he was a little stiff in my attempt to get to know him. Fifteen minutes later we were making out.

I don't know what is going on with me. Here is this great guy who is really into me and I keep finding things to stop me from getting into a relationship. I don't want to build a reputation in Provo as making out with everyone but not dating anyone, yet that seems to be what I'm doing. 

This whole situation is kind of getting me down, even though I know it shouldn't be getting to me like this.

Why can't I just like a nice guy who likes me? Wouldn't that be nice?

Heart vs Head vs Body

Sunday night Landon wanted to see me. He wanted to watch a movie and snuggle on my couch. It was a little weird, though, because he texted me and we had this conversation:

"Hey so are you a fan of avoiding awkward situations? lol"
"Like what? haha"
"Like I don't want to look like an idiot so I ask you if you like spooning during a movie or napping. lol so that way I know whether or not to try lol"
"I'm not going to tell you what moves to make. Be spontaneous! :)
You won't look like an idiot"
"Haha alright. Good to know. I've looked like one before lol"
"We all have" 
"But you don't think I will tonight?"
"You'll just have to risk it ;)"
"And if I fall on my face..."
"You get right back up. Confidence is a good thing."

So yeah, that was a little weird. Right? I like a guy with confidence. I like a guy who can decide to make a move and then make a damn move! If I reject it, take the rejection like a man and move on and learn! All the same, I still let Landon come over and watch a movie with me. But there was no way I was going to allow myself to make a move. I want to be chased at least a little! Come on, Landon! Where are your balls???

Landon came over and we started the movie. For the first half we really didn't do much. Then he asked if he could play with my hair. No hesitation, I let my hair down and let him at it. Having my hair played with is one of my very favorite things in the world. It was so hard to not fall asleep with my head on Landon's lap...because it was just so nice! He was tracing his finger around my ear and then through my hair...it was nice. After a while, however, we switched places and Landon had his head on my knee while I ran my fingers through my hair.

Landon was not going to be watching the movie while I was playing with his hair. He was drifting in and out of snoozing, turning his head toward my hand...it was kind of cute to watch. Then I realized that he was definitely going to try and kiss me. I had to take a moment and decide what I was going to do. Let Landon kiss on the second date, or make him wait until we know each other better. You guys, this is a harder decision than it sounds.

My Head: Make him wait! Yeah, you can totally do that! Just turn your head or scoot away. You know how to avoid being kissed. You've got this, Leslie.
My Heart: Make him wait! You don't really know the guy yet. You're not even sure you like him like that! Yeah, definitely make him wait. That way it won't be such a blow if you decide you don't like him and you don't want to date him.
My Body: Ahh, what the heck. Kiss him! Kiss the crap out of him!

That being said, it won't come as a surprise to you when I admit that yes, I did kiss Landon. We made out on my couch. I can't say it was the best make out ever, but it was definitely a lot more enjoyable than making out with James.

Landon is the kind of guy who likes tongue and likes it a lot. Almost too much. Like he'd get my tongue in his mouth and bite down. It wasn't like a light nibble on the edge of my tongue, either, it was way far back and it was a hard bite! It hurt! I had to tell him multiple times that it hurt and I didn't like it. And you know what else? He likes ears. One of the first things he did, before even kissing my lips, was kissing my ear. He kissed it and then traced it with his tongue. Then he stuck it inside my ear. I'm sorry, but that is probably 10x worse than a wet willy. And it's DISGUSTING. Yeah, Landon, I'm not a fan of that.

Other than those two things, it was a pretty good make out. A little awkward when my roommates came home in the middle of it, but they already kind of knew that that was going to be happening. I had to kick him out when it got a little late and things were getting a little heavy. I sat up and told him to leave and he did. About half an hour later Landon sent me a text saying, "You're awesome. And that's not even because of tonight. You really are awesome."

Like always, I don't know what I'm doing.

Tinder Take Two

I caved. Even after the disaster that was Tiny Tim, I swore off Tinder dates. I told myself I'd only use it for that ego boost that happens every time it pops up with "It's a match!" and to occasionally get my flirt on. So when I started talking to Landon about three weeks ago, I wasn't thinking I'd ever meet him, even if he seemed like a really nice guy.

But last Friday he suggested we grab dinner and then hot tub or something else. I figured I had nothing to lose and he seemed like a decent dude who was at least 5'8, so I said yes. I was nervous before he came to pick me up, mostly because I don't like the idea of online dating. I don't like it, yet there I was about to embark on a date with a guy I met on one of the shallowest dating (let's be honest-hook up) app on the market. Okay, maybe that's not true. I think Hot or Not probably takes the cake on being incredibly shallow, though I don't know if it's very successful at helping people date...

Anyway, Landon took me out for Mexican food. I told him I was game for any kind of food, so he picked the place and he gave me a good recommendation as to what to order. It was really refreshing to have a guy who was willing to make a decision for a date and go for it. His conversation was also really refreshing. He was super down to earth and super nice! We talked about a variety of things, ranging from family, missions, work, school, and even the Gospel. And even though it's a little taboo for the first date, we talked about our thoughts on gay marriage. Yeah, Landon is a pretty rad dude.

After dinner we went back to my apartment and we went hot tubbing. Normally I wouldn't strip down to my swim suit on a first date, but it's summer and it was a great night for hot tubing, so I allowed it. We chatted about family, school, and such. Normal conversation, not quite as interesting as the dinner conversation.

After a while of sitting in the hot tub Landon offered me a massage. I didn't freak out, but we had previously talked about our favorite ways to wind down after a long day and I mentioned hot tubbing and he mentioned massages. That's how we ended up in the hot tub....and that's how we ended up exchanging back massages. He's good. Either that or I just don't get massages often enough. Right around then, there wasn't much talking going on.

Yeah, I get that massaging is relaxing and whatnot, but I don't really like when conversation dies on a first date. The only exception would be if I've known the guy for a long time. Me and Landon? Yeah, we still have a lot of getting to know each other to do.

The date was good. I enjoyed talking to him. We had fun! And when he sent me a post date text thanking me for a fun evening, I was smiling and happy. But there's something missing. I don't know if it's that I'm waiting for the same kind of insane butterflies I felt with Kirk last summer or if I really just am not isn't Landon as more than a friend. I don't know. He seems really into me and I want to give him a chance.

To be continued...

My New Roommate

I've lived with my roommates for a week now. I like them a lot. It's as though the Lord said, "Hey Leslie, you've had some pretty crappy roommates over the past two years. Instead of giving you one good roommate like I did previously, I'm going to give you three." And BOOM. My apartment is filled with people I like. It's a great change. My apartment feels like a home and I feel like my roommates are my family. 

I have one roommate who has decided that her mission is to get one of us married. The first day she moved in she wanted to know my dating history and my type of guy. She was listing off guys she wants to set me up with. I have to say, I'm a little flustered! It's been a long time since someone has said they wanted to set me up with someone and then they actually do. She's got a plan. I'm not opposed. My time here in Provo is dedicated to dating around and getting to know people. 

Let's face it, at this point I'm pretty much open to anything. Well, anything within reason. Though I'm slightly tempted to make out with this guy I've been talking to on Tinder. I LIKE MAKING OUT, OKAY?

I promise to write about it if I do make out with him... :)

Sunday Gems: A YSA Classic

Today was the first week after all the new people moved into the ward. First Sunday school lesson? Temple Marriage. Of course.

How is it that every time there's a new ward the lesson always ends up being on marriage or eternal families? Oh, I know! It's a conspiracy to get us all marriage and making babies.

But in reality, the lesson today was phenomenal. Instead of talking about dating and marriage and why we need to date more and get married, we talked about sealings and why it's such an important thing to do. It was a different approach to the temple marriage subject than I've ever experienced before and I feel like it was much more informative and interesting. 

Aside from Sunday school, it was a great first day with all the new people in the ward. I've already scoped out a couple of the guys I want to keep my eye on. This is going to be good. 

p.s. I've become "dating allies" with the guys behind the blog Dominating LDS Dating. Check them out! http://mormondatingguru.blogspot.com/

K.I.S.S.I.N.G.

Let's clarify this whole kissing vs making out thing I sort of alluded to in my last post.

KISSING

How do I define the simple act of kissing? It's when a boy and a girl kiss each other on the cheek, lips, or head for a brief amount of time. It is a demonstration of admiration and affection. Typically when you're sincerely interested in a person you end up spending a few moments here and there just kissing. This can happen when you greet each other, when you're at the store, out with friends, or on a date. You're not sucking face, you're merely showing the other person that you care for them.

Do I like kissing? I love it. When I share a real connection with a guy, the affection is important to me. When I took the love languages test, physical touch came in second, only to quality time (followed by 3 words of affirmation, 4 acts of service, and 5 receiving gifts). If a guy wants to be with me, he needs to be willing to share those precious little moments with me. Ideally he would want the same from me in return. Yeah, it got pretty obnoxious seeing couples on BYUI campus embracing each other and sharing a kiss before parting to their separate classes, but I think I was mostly jealous because I didn't have anyone to do that with. Kissing is romance. I like kissing.

Is kissing ever boring? Hells yeah! If a guy wants to make out, but all he's doing is giving you closed mouth kisses that last a few seconds? YAWN. I like kissing, I like affection, I like romance. But c'mon! When we're laying on the couch together, I want a lip smackin' mack sesh. None of that cutesy kissing stuff.

MAKING OUT

How do I define making out? This could become a pretty complicated answer, but I'm going to try and keep it concise and clear: Making out is when a boy and girl engage in lingering kissing, often laying down, -gasp- I know! That's so against the FTSOY! But guess what? I'm an adult, not a youth. I engage in passionate kissing with guys while laying down, with the lights off, without my roommates home. I'm so promiscuous.

What makes me an aggressive kisser? Honestly, I'm still a little confused on why James called me aggressive. I don't know what other girls do during making out, so I don't really have anything to compare my style of kissing to. Here's what I tend to do: I'm not a passive partner during a make out. I like to initiate deeper kisses every so often. Sometimes I'll run my tongue along his lip. I'll bite his lip or his ear lobe, I'll even occasionally move my tongue up his jaw line. I'm not the kind of girl to just kiss with my lips closed-I like tongue action! It's the strongest muscle of the body, so why not get a little exercise?

How do you make out and not go too far? Straight up determination. I know what I'll do, I know what I won't do, but the older I get, the harder it becomes to stop at the line I've told myself I won't cross. I'm a twenty four year old virgin. I'm a freaking unicorn! My secret? Clinging to my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is nothing more powerful than the knowledge I possess and that is what gives me the ability to engage in hot, heavy make outs with guys and still not cross that line. That is how to have fun, be a little promiscuous, and still maintain my temple covenants. It's possible, people.

Do I have a most memorable make out? Yes. Despite all the crap I put up with with Kirk, he was a dang good kisser. My top three make outs were all with him. One in the back of my car, one in the back of his, one in the basement of the house I lived in last summer. It was hot. Had we gotten married, we would have been having sex 24/7. Hot, steamy sex. There, I said it.


ALRIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
Now I've dished my definitions and thoughts on kissing and making out, I want to hear yours. Take some of the questions I've answered and answer them in the comments! It's always nice to get a variety of opinions.