Tangent: Why I hate PMS

I first heard this song when I was probably 13. My Dad put this song on a mix he made for Mom (he's a funny man). It's pretty funny when you hear it, you chuckle and agree with it. But when it comes down to it, PMS really sucks. Like, really sucks. I can't even describe to you the rollercoaster I go on every month. IT SUCKS. There's always pain involved, I get horrific cramps that keep me up all night and then my back starts hurting so badly that sometimes I feel like I must have an alien in my abdomen, getting ready to burst my spine open.

Even worse that the physical pain are the emotional ups and downs. Some months aren't that bad and I'm able to keep it together, other months I feel completely trashed by the time I'm finished PMSing. My sister likes to tell the story of when I was about 13 and I borrowed some of her bobby pins. "You can use them, Leslie, as long as you put them back when you're done." I burst into tears and blubbered, "All I want to do is use some of your bobb-b-b-y p-p-piinnssss" and then she looked at me like I was crazy.

This weekend has been one of those weekends. Bethany and I walked out of our apartment yesterday to go to Wal-Mart and I almost started weeping because it was so bright and sunny. I don't know why I felt like crying, but all I could do was hold the tears at bay and say, "It's just so bright outside! I can't open my eyes! I can't see anything!" It's like a freaking handicap. I feel handicapped when I have these overloads of emotions. And it's not just sadness or anger. No, yesterday I went from wanting to weep over sunshine to wanting to makeout RIGHT. THEN. Menstration is something that happens when you're not pregnant. It's your uterus' way of saying, "WHY ISN'T THERE A BABY IN ME?!? YOU ARE TWENTY THREE AND YOU AREN'T PREGNANT. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HAD SEX YET. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!?!? GO HAVE SOME SEX AND PUT A BABY IN MEEEEEEEE!!!!!" It's terrifying. I can't handle this. I feel like I need to punch something, weep, and make out all within the span of about an hour and then I go through the cycle again, except this time I also have to stuff my face with chocolate. Then I take a nap. OH MY GOSH. It's exhausting being a woman.

Keeping my head on straight in times like these seems impossible, but I think I'm doing a decent job. I haven't killed anyone, I haven't freaked out on Kirk, and I haven't gone out and gotten pregnant.

Gold star for me this month!