Kirk and I have been talking a lot this week and he's been outrageously flirty. It's the flirting that makes it so easy to slip back into what we once were, to reminisce about our better times, to let the harsh reality of our breakup slip to the back of my mind. He's a tricky one. He's got a way with words that makes my head fog up. I'm really trying to remind myself that it started out like fairytale last time and then it went south with hardly a warning. I've got this structured plan of how things are going to go with the two of us talking about our past issues and what needs to be different this time around. You know what happens to plans, right? They never work out.
Kirk and I finally got together to talk about things and simply be with each other. It started really good, we just talked about our individual plans for the future now that we're both seniors. We laughed a lot. I teased him more than I used to. I felt more comfortable being myself than I used to feel around him. I used to feel like I always had to be impressive, I always had to have something intelligent or amazingly witty to say. It's not like that this time around. Sometimes I get nervous around him still, but it's more so a sense of calm, that it's okay to be myself.
There was a very brief lull in the conversation and all of the sudden Kirk's hands were on my face and he was going into kiss me. There was a split second moment when my head was screaming, "DON'T FORGET YOUR PLAN! MAKE HIM WORK!" but then he was kissing me and it was too late. I gave in. I let Kirk transport me to that place his kiss takes me to, the place where worries don't exist, it's just me and him and this special, intimate moment. Nothing I've said in the past to hype up Kirk's kissing abilities was exaggeration. The dude knows how to kiss a woman. Go ahead and judge me, but you were in my shoes, I can guarantee you would have done the same thing and kissed the crap out of him.
We kissed for a while, not too long. I lay there with my head on his chest and his arms around me and we talked about what we're doing and how it's going to take a lot of work. We both voiced how we're up for the challenge. We didn't get into detail on things we need to talk about and work on, but we did bring up a few things (like his communication skills and our physicality) that we need to address. I asked him to take some time to think about what happened that lead up to and caused our break up and I'd do the same. We'll get together after a few days and we'll talk about it, maybe pin point some trouble places, voice what I need him to do and what he needs me to do. It's a lot of working together to try and find a balance, to find a way to make our lives come together in harmony.
I feel like in past relationships everything has been easy. I'd find myself in these relationships that were without problems, without butting heads, without arguments or disagreements. I know that's ideal and that's what everyone wants, but what happens to progression? Being able to learn how to change, how to sacrifice, how to listen to what someone else is saying are integral parts of a relationship. It keeps things dynamic and interesting, it makes the involved parties strive for something. If two people want to make their lives mesh through marriage, it takes patience, communication, love, service, selflessness. These are all things that can be reaped from this second go with Kirk, he just has to be willing to work hard and I have to keep my head clear and NOT allow myself to fall into old, monotonous habits with him.
There has to be change and he's told me on several occasions how ready he is to step up to the plate.
Ring by Spring or my money back!
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