My heart is on the floor. Why don't you step on it?

Daniel and I snuck away from his birthday party and locked lips for a couple minutes down the street.  It wasn't very long, nothing really happened except some good smooches.  Later he sent me a text telling me he wasn't quite satisfied.  Dan, my friend, neither was I.  I've been running on empty for a good couple of months and the two brief sessions we've had recently weren't enough.  I've been left wanting more.  It's time for a makeout date.  The weather is nice, he and I should go star gazing or something so we can have some alone time.  I hate dry spells...

Last week Tyson rocked me emotionally. I sent him a text several weeks ago saying, "I hate that I don't feel comfortable talking to you."  It was a weak moment that I regret.  I hadn't had his number for awhile but then I just so happened to end up with it and I couldn't resist temptation.  He didn't respond, so I had a good cry the next day and then I deleted him from my phone and facebook (finally.)  I felt like I needed cleansing.  I feel like I need to completely wash all of that off me.  But I can't ever be fully rid of Tyson and the scum he is.

Last week he finally responded to my text.  He said something about not knowing what to say and thinking about my text again and again.  He said he was sorry for making things awkward on his part.  That was it.  I got the text while I was at work and I think I almost passed out.  My hands started shaking, my heart started pounding, my knees felt weak.  I'm not made to handle this emotional stress.  It's wrecking everything about me.  I cried yesterday after seeing Tyson at institute.  Every time I'm near him I want to throw things, like punches or tables.  It pisses me off that he can walk around so unaffected by everything.  Why am I feeling so broken while he's acting as if we ought to be mending things and becoming friends?

It's safe to say that Tyson went from being the love of my life to one of my top 5 most disliked people I've ever met.  It's a shame, too, because he could be such a fun friend.  Any hope we had of being friends was smashes to bits when he tossed me aside like I never mattered.  Dick.

I wasn't quite finished with that...

I threw a party recently.  It was a dance party, I invited everyone and they invited all their friends.  It was one huge mother effing dance party.  As far as the dancing goes, it was pretty tame; all my friends are LDS and don't really do the whole dirty dancing thing.  The most raunch it got was a couple of us girls all dancing up on each other to make the boys drool.  Well, it wasn't really to make them drool, but we know they did anyway.

Daniel showed up, being one of the first times I've seen him in a long time.  We've seen each other at institute and some firesides, but he's been pretty scarce.  It doesn't help that we live a good 25 minutes apart and are in different stakes.  Holy.  Smokes.  I don't know what was done differently, but Daniel looked super good.  He had on an excellent blue shirt and his hair was slightly done, but not overly stuffed with product (Yes, Aiden, it's called Product) and he just looked well put together.   I was slightly dazzled by his ravishingly good looks.

Half way through the party I get a text from Daniel.  Conversation went as follows:

Daniel:  Sigh a man without isn't a man at all
Leslie:  Huh?
Daniel:  Kiss me
Leslie:  Hahaha, you're in a room full of people.
Daniel:  Well that is a shame.  I donno where to go.
Leslie:  Go out in the front yard on the side of the garage

He went, I snuck out the side door in the garage.  He grabbed me, pushed me against the side of the house and kissed me nice and hard.  One kiss turned into several, which ended up being a full on standing make out. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Daniel is a really good kisser.  He gives those type of kisses that don't involve so much tongue that you're practically drowning in the other person's saliva, but just the right amount and they last just long enough.  I love kissing him....except when he's trying to stick his hands down my pants.

I'm pretty self conscious about my body (what girl isn't?) and I had just been dancing around a lot, so I was kind of sweaty and Daniel tried to get his hands under my clothes just a little.  Boom, shot down!  I can get scandalous  but I don't let things get crazy.  We only made out for about fifteen minutes before heading back inside.  It was a good fifteen minutes, though.  It kept me busy while Chase decided to vacate the party with some chick.

In a way I feel slightly stupid for allowing myself to give into Daniel's request so easily, but at the same time, we're using each other equally.  We both just want a little lip lovin' and know we enjoy the other.  For the meantime, I can dig it.

The Breakdown

Sometimes I think about these hookup sessions that Daniel and I have and I think to myself, "How does that end up happening?  Like, really?  A booty call?  You, Leslie?  Get serious."  Well, here's how it happens.

We text a lot.  We text almost all day, every day (I know, I know, that's what couples do) but it almost always comes down to someone saying, "Soooo I kinda want to kiss someone right now and you make a good candidate."  Then we get into a conversation about where we would meet and what our excuses would be (study group, the gym, a friends house, a church activity...) and then it all falls into place.  

We meet up, we chitchat for a couple minutes, then we end up sucking face in the back of someone's car.  Romantic, right?  Wrong.  It's not romantic because it's designed to be a hook up, straight up making out.  Nothing all emotional, no cuddling while sharing our deep dark secrets.  We makeout, we realize how late it is, then we go home in order to make it before curfew (it's sad that we have curfew.) 

No strings attached, that's what it's supposed to be.  We're friends who makeout.  It's such a weird situation that I can hardly comprehend. 

I have a makeout buddy.  That is weird.  I like it...

Canoodling and Cop Cars

As is typical for a Thursday night, Daniel and I met up for a nice little romp in the back of my car.  Our normal spot in an abandoned parking lot was taken, so we decided to go to the nearby LDS church parking lot.  It was dark and empty and perfect.  

I've noticed that recently my little excursions with Daniel are less about making out and more about talking and teasing and giggling.  There's part of me that really like this, especially when he sends me text messages after wards saying, "I really enjoy talking to you, Leslie." but then another part of me is screaming, "NOOOOO!!!!  This is when people get attached and hearts are going to be SMUSHED and your 'non-committal' are going to flop over to 'committal' so fast you won't even know!"  I guess the whole arrangement he and I have is a little less NCMO and a little more friends-with-benefits, but I still view it as completely unattached.  I could get a boyfriend at any time.  Daniel could snatch up some pretty young thing (last night I actually told him that he's gonna find her very soon and this will have to end) at any moment.  Annnywaay, point is, we talked a lot last night.  It was fun, we lay in the back of my car laughing and joking around, sharing a couple smooches here and there.

We had hardly spent any time really doing any serious face sucking when Daniel said, "Yup, that's a spotlight."  Sure enough, all the times that Daniel had spent glancing around being paranoid of every light moving around us was giving reason.  Two cop cars pulled into the parking lot, shined their spotlight on my car then walked over and tapped on the window.  We had just been talking at the time, so we were laying side by side, nothing racy going on.  We climbed onto the middle seat and opened the car door. 

First question, "How old are you guys?  Can I see some ID?"  Second,  "So what are you guys doing?"  We answered, "To be perfectly honest, we're makin' out."  To which the lady cop gave us a skeptical look and said, "Just making out, eh?  No sex?  No groping each other?"  This is where I got all silly and giggly and started going on and on about how we're good Mormon kids and we were just making out because we didn't want to makeout at our houses because of our parents and we had been friends for a long time but started dating around Christmas time (so glad Daniel didn't speak up at that time and say we started dating at a different time)  I also threw in a little bit about how "if he ever tried any sort of groping, I'd smack him so hard!"  I don't think the cop was buying it for a little while, but then she eased up and just told us about how if we had been caught having sex, we'd be put on a sex offenders list (you should have seen Daniel's eyes bug out at that) but then she made it clear that just making out is okay, we'd just have to find another place.  

To sum it all up, we weren't doing anything wrong except that we were parking somewhere that was considered closed to the public.  Next time, we'll be more discrete.  

I don't know if anything kills the buzz faster than the fuzz.