Thursday, July 14, 2011

My heart is on the floor. Why don't you step on it?

Daniel and I snuck away from his birthday party and locked lips for a couple minutes down the street.  It wasn't very long, nothing really happened except some good smooches.  Later he sent me a text telling me he wasn't quite satisfied.  Dan, my friend, neither was I.  I've been running on empty for a good couple of months and the two brief sessions we've had recently weren't enough.  I've been left wanting more.  It's time for a makeout date.  The weather is nice, he and I should go star gazing or something so we can have some alone time.  I hate dry spells...

Last week Tyson rocked me emotionally. I sent him a text several weeks ago saying, "I hate that I don't feel comfortable talking to you."  It was a weak moment that I regret.  I hadn't had his number for awhile but then I just so happened to end up with it and I couldn't resist temptation.  He didn't respond, so I had a good cry the next day and then I deleted him from my phone and facebook (finally.)  I felt like I needed cleansing.  I feel like I need to completely wash all of that off me.  But I can't ever be fully rid of Tyson and the scum he is.

Last week he finally responded to my text.  He said something about not knowing what to say and thinking about my text again and again.  He said he was sorry for making things awkward on his part.  That was it.  I got the text while I was at work and I think I almost passed out.  My hands started shaking, my heart started pounding, my knees felt weak.  I'm not made to handle this emotional stress.  It's wrecking everything about me.  I cried yesterday after seeing Tyson at institute.  Every time I'm near him I want to throw things, like punches or tables.  It pisses me off that he can walk around so unaffected by everything.  Why am I feeling so broken while he's acting as if we ought to be mending things and becoming friends?

It's safe to say that Tyson went from being the love of my life to one of my top 5 most disliked people I've ever met.  It's a shame, too, because he could be such a fun friend.  Any hope we had of being friends was smashes to bits when he tossed me aside like I never mattered.  Dick.

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