Limbo

There comes a point in a developing relationship where you have to decide where you're going. It's been a couple weeks since my DTRS with Colton and I've really become comfortable with where we are, which is not exclusive, but still pretty serious. 

We've had a few dates recently where we've gotten dinner and watched a movie. Of course these kind of dates also include kissing, which I've been trying to keep on an appropriate level. I've hesitated to ask Colton if he's been kissing other girls, mostly because I'm afraid that putting any sort of pressure on him will make him retreat from me. Has he given me any reason to think he'll retreat? Or that he is kissing other girls? No. But I'm scared all the same. I'm so scared that any time I find something good, it can be ruined in an instant. 

This weekend we got together and made dinner. We sat at the table after we are and had a really nice, deep conversation about some of the politics of the church and where we stand and where our families stand. We shared some personal stories. We talked about our childhood homes. It was a really great evening. After a brief time of kissing, we ended up snuggling together and I got up the balls to ask him about the other girls. He told me he's been on a few other dates, but he most certainly hasn't kissed anyone else. He said, "I would let you know. I would feel too bad about it and I would definitely let you know." This was a good segway into telling him something else that's been on my mind.

"Colton," I said, with my head resting on his chest, "I know you're going on dates and I know you want to take your time and be picky, but I need you to know I'm invested. I'm here. I'm in this. I want to give you your time, but I can't wait forever for you to make up your mind." 

He nodded and said, "I know. It just scares me. It's so much easier being single and only being responsible for one person's happiness. I never want to go through a divorce again." I understand. I totally get that. But he needs to know that I'm not just here for fun and I'm not going to just sit around forever waiting for him to make up him mind. Now he knows that. 

We still have a long way to go before we can be in a relationship, but I'm content for now. We've gotten to the point where we can say important things to each other. I know where he stands and he knows where I am. He knows the clock is ticking. 

I hope he doesn't take forever.