Terrified

It's hard to say that things with Derek are progressing because we're so far apart, but I definitely can't say that they're staying the same.  This week we tried out FaceTime for the first time and I have no complaints other than it was over too soon.

When my phone started ringing there was a split second when I thought, "What if Derek has a voice that I can't stand?? That's going to be a deal breaker for me. Ahhh!!!" Then I answered the phone and was pleasantly greeted by a scruffy Derek with a perfect voice. I was so relieved. He and I talked for about half an hour and he introduced me to his sister and brother in law.  It was a little awkward talking through that medium, but it was nice to see him while we talked.

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, since so much can go wrong with this, but I really enjoy everything about Derek. The conversation flows so incredibly well. I was talking with one of my roommates about him and I told her how I don't want to say anything about love yet since it's so soon and he and I haven't met face to face and she said, "I don't think you need to say anything about it; it's all over your face and how you talk about him."

I'm freaking terrified.

None of It Matters Anymore

I have several different posts started about dating, tinder, and hooking up with a friend's roommate in the back of my car, but I can't seem to finish any of them. I've become so incredibly distracted that none of that stuff seems to even matter and it's all because of a guy named Derek.

Derek graduated from BYUI a couple semesters before I did. We didn't even know the other existed at that time and we remained completely unaware of each other until about a year ago. We're both avid twitter users and, somehow, we ended up following each other. I didn't think much about it, especially since Derek lived in Florida and that's pretty far away. We would go through these phases where we'd talk a ton but then we'd stop for a while, only occasionally commenting on each other's tweets and exchanging movie titles for the other to watch (we're both pretty big movie buffs.)

Ever since I moved to Utah I've been in a bit of a rut as far as looking for someone to be with, but not really finding it. I keep ending up with these one night make outs and, let's face it, while those can be really fun, they're not really helping me get anywhere closer to a healthy, normal relationship. I could go on and on about my theories of why I've been making out with so many guys lately, but like I said earlier, it doesn't seem to matter anymore.

Last Fall Derek and I joked about getting married just so we can have our dream kitchen and ever since then it's been a continuous joke. We talk about our kids and how we'll handle fights and whether or not we're going to have dogs. It's in jest, but it's fun to joke around with him. He's the kind of guy who always texts back and doesn't text just one line texts. Some girls aren't into the guy who'll send multiple texts in response, but I dig it! I like that Derek wants to engage in conversation and that he gives it his all. He's always bringing up things that I mentioned forever ago and it feels amazing to have someone actually pay attention to what I'm saying. I get freaking giddy whenever his name pops up on my phone.

So what's a girl in Utah to do when she's falling for a guy she's never met who lives in Florida? Ignore it. That's what I've been doing for months because there's not really much hope for us. But then last week Derek sent me a text telling me he's going to be in Utah next month and he wants to know how much time I want to spend with him so he can plan how long to stay. I can't tell you the flood of emotions that I felt in both my heart and my head. It was like someone released a bomb of bees in my body and every part of me was buzzing with chaos and excitement.

Here's the deal: Derek is coming to Utah next month because he's moving to Texas and he'll be between jobs, so he's taking this opportunity to see family and me. It's like this thing that I've been leaving in far corner of my brain (of my heart?) because I didn't think there was a possibility is becoming real and I've taken it out for the first time to actually handle it and see how it feels. It feels amazing.

Here's a glimpse into the conversation we had last night:

We had just been talking about careers and what we want to do with our lives...
Derek: And I know this is at the end of a long list of ifs, but if we do end up gettin' hitched, I am totally on board for you to have your business. Just sayin.
Me: Even if it's a lot of ifs, it means a lot to me that you're all for it. Thank you.
Derek: But I'm not scrubbing toilets in that joint. Hire a teenager for that! haha
Me: That's why we'll have kids!
Derek: Ooo, good point!
Me: I'll teach you how to help me run the place ;)
Derek: Anything you can teach me, I will gladly learn!
Me: I have a feeling we'll have fun together. 
Derek: Me too. We have a lot in common and things that we can take from each other.
Me: I like you, Derek. It feels weird because I haven't met yo and you seem too good to be true. It scares the hell out of me to care fro someone I haven't met, but I can't help it. I do.
Derek: Yeah, I like you too and it also scares me for the same reason. The whole thing scares me just cause of what's at risk. I mean, we've had to get to really know each other cause we couldn't just pass the time with activities so I think that counts for something but any time you put your heart out there, it has a chance of getting hurt and I've had my heart hurt enough times that it scares me to think about putting it out there again. But, like I said, this has been progressing naturally so I think that counts for something. 
Derek: Just know that I'm gonna have to go gingerly cause pulling my heart out of the chest is a tender ordeal, haha!
Me: I don't want to force you to do or feel anything. I just need to be honest and open about what I feel because, when it comes down to it, that's the only thing I have (a little bit of) control over. I haven't been able to connect with someone the way you and I have connected in a long time and it feels so good.
Derek: I understand. I just wanted to let you know so if there's a time that it seems like I'm retreating, I'm just scared of getting hurt or hurting you. 

I don't know what's going to happen with Derek and I don't know if he's the one for me. I don't know what's going to happen when he comes to visit next month. All I know is I feel like my head is clearer that it's been in a long, long time. I feel so good about the way we talk and the way he listens and tells me things.

I'm looking forward to seeing how things unfold. Maybe 2014 is my year for love.

I Know Nothing About Cars

Ladies, I've discovered the secret to catching a man's attention, and it's not baring as much skin as possible without being a streetwalker. It's pretty easy, actually. All it takes is either some bad luck or a few white lies. I found out through bad luck, but it doesn't have to really be an accident.

I've been having some car trouble this week, so I've called a few friends and posted on facebook for some advice. You won't believe the amount of guys who have come out of nowhere to offer up advice and their services. I have had guys calling me and texting me nonstop about what the issue with my car is, whether or not I've tried different things, and asking if they can come take a look. Yeah, it absolutely sucks that I have the bad luck of my car not working and that I am currently stranded for the time being, but it's not too terrible having all these men thronging about.

Here's when the white lies come into play: I know quite a bit about cars. This isn't my first rodeo with car trouble and I know what I'm talking about. If I say the engine won't turn over, I know what that means. But sometimes, in order to boost a guy's ego and make him feel like he's rescuing a helpless damsel in distress I feign not knowing what he's talking about. No matter who the guy is, he eats this up. Being able to talk in automotive jargon and not have a woman follow, so they have to explain in super simple terms makes a man feel like he's doing something really macho and he's being really impressive. I'm totally okay with pretending I know nothing in order for a man to preen his car peacock feathers in front of me. Totes down with that.

So what happens when you want to catch a man and your car isn't having any trouble? The answer is simple: make your car have trouble. Now, I'm not saying go and run your car into a tree or slash your tires. No need to go to such dramatic, expensive lengths to get a guy's attention. All you need to do is "accidentally" leave your lights on overnight. Or, if you really want to commit (without causing damage to your car) you can loosen one of the terminals (one of the metal things on your battery that hook to the cables that hook your battery to your engine) on your battery so the car won't start. As soon as you pop the hood of your car open and lean over the engine, wiggling and jiggling things at random, because you know nothing about cars, the fellows will be RUNNING to help you.

"Car trouble? I can help!"
"Need a jump?"
"What's wrong with your car?"
"Have you tried making sure your car is completely in park when starting it?"
"Is it making a clicking noise?"

Yeah, the guys will be jumping at the opportunity to help you. Your job is to sit back and be impressed. Act as if everything he's saying is so interesting and you're learning so much, even if you already know what he's talking about. Touch his arm and compliment him on his knowledge of cars. Thank him for helping you out and offer him cookies or brownies. If you don't have his number already, this opens it up for you to get his number so you can thank him for his help. If you already know him, ask if he wants to grab lunch together or watch a movie at your place that night.

Car troubles are a pain in the rear, but they're good for picking up men. I'll let you know how well it works out for me this time...

Cheers!

Dating Resolutions

I figured since my list of personal New Year's resolutions mostly consists of not drinking soda and taking more naps, I need to make a separate list of resolutions that are going to help me be a better dater. I mean, I'm a pretty good dater, but not a very successful one. It's 2014 and I'm still single. What gives, Universe?

Dating Resolutions

• Get out of the apartment more

 This will be accomplished by enrolling in institute classes, going to parties, and attending every ward function that is announced. This could also mean inviting my coworkers/classmates/people in my ward to go do things with me. Movies? Gym? Dinner? Bowling? Yeah! Let's get out! This leads me right into my next goal...

• Meet more guys in person

Yeah, online dating and Tinder are really convenient for someone like me who is a little shy in person and doesn't have a lot of opportunity to meet people in person. But I need to make more of an effort to meet guys in real life and to stun them with my humor, my passion, and my mind. I think I've been hiding behind the fact that I don't interact with a lot of people outside of my apartment and work because I'm a little bit scared of putting myself out there in a face-to-face situation. It's scary!

• No first date kissing

I'm the worst at following through on this. I like kissing and I'm not really opposed to kissing on the first date. Sometimes it's the thing that helps me decide whether or not I'm  really into a guy. Sometimes I recognize that it's just going to be a one night thing and I want to get a NCMO in before it's over. And, yeah, sometimes I just feel a little slutty. I don't think that's what I should be doing, though. I need to make the commitment to myself to wait it out and let the emotional side of things develop quicker than the physical side.

• Stop relying on myself so much

Here's something I know: When you put your trust in the Lord, listen to the Spirit, and follow his promptings, things go right and you end up happy. I figure if I stop trying to find myself my happily ever after and I stop constantly being on the lookout for Mr Right, then I'll have more time to focus on the other things in my life that I have to enjoy and improve and the Lord can spend more time preparing Mr Right to cross my path. I don't think I need to be on edge waiting for him when I could be busy enjoying life. I'll recognize him when he comes around.


2014 has a lot of potential to be the best year yet. I'm a college graduate, I have an awesome job, I'm smart, I'm pretty, I'm spiritual, and I'm kind of hilarious. There's nothing stopping me from making this a great year. Bring it.

Ringing In 2014

So I said I was going to go out with a bang and, Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m happy to say that I did. At first I was afraid I wouldn’t actually go out and do anything for New Year’s because my roommate texted me saying she was feeling pretty tired and sore, so she wanted to stay home and go to bed early instead. I practically had to beg her to come out and party with me because there was NO WAY I was spending my New Year’s Eve sitting at home alone. I told her our party options (The Madison, Newphoria at UVU, and the Gatsby party at the Riverwoods) and she wanted to go to the Madison. I have had a lot of fun when we’ve gone out there before, but I wasn’t really feeling it this week. It’s a club and it tends to attract the drunk creeper type of person. The party at UVU was going to be bigger and with the more college-y crowd I wanted to spend the night with.

She gave in and we got all dressed up to go party it up on the last day of 2013. While we were getting ready, I was bouncing off the walls hyper and excited. I knew I looked hot and I was stoked about going to this party to show off and dance and probably kiss a stranger. The two of us, along with another friend, headed out to UVU and we weren’t disappointed. The place is big, so it holds a lot of people without getting overly crowded or overheated. Jef Holm of The Bachelorette fame was there and that was a bit of a plus. I kind of have a huge crush on him. I did not, however, fork out $40 to participate in the meet-and-greet. Celebrities are cool and all, but it’s not worth it to spend that much money on getting my photo with someone famous…even if it is Jef Holm.

We danced and jumped around and had a great time. After all the dance parties I went to in Rexburg, I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of guys grinding up on me. Don’t get me wrong, I dig the occasional dirty dancing with a random guy at a dance, but in Rexburg it seems to be a little over the top. At this dance, though, it was just the right amount of bump and grind, yet also just dancing around with your friends. It didn’t really hurt that there was an overabundance of really attractive guys there. Not a ton of girls. I’m not really sure why the ladies weren’t representing as well as they could have been…but whatevs, MORE GUYS FOR ME! I’m greedy.

About twenty minutes or so before midnight this really hot blond guy started dancing around behind me. I felt pretty outgoing and flirty, so I backed up against him and started dancing with him. A minute or so later we were dancing together and just having a blast. H wasn’t one of those super pushy guys, so he wasn’t getting very handsy, which I appreciated. He’d put his hand on my hip or on my arm for just a few seconds before letting go. I kept thinking to myself, “This timing could not be better. I’m probably going to kiss this guy at midnight” And kiss at midnight we did! We stopped dancing for the countdown and then he turned me to face him and he went in for the kill.

My mystery New Year’s guy wasn’t a great kisser, he used way too much tongue, but it was still fun! We stood there in the middle of the dance floor sucking face for the first several minutes of 2014. Confetti and balloons fell all around us, but we didn’t notice. Some guy shoved us and yelled, “GET SOME!!!!” but we kept making out. Um….this guy was cut. Great muscles. At the end of the night the girls I went with had each kissed three guys, but I just kissed my NYMM (New Year’s Mystery Man.) But despite only having kissed one guy, we all agreed that I won the stranger kissing contest. One of the girls only kissed creepers, which, if you ask me, is kind of dumb. If the guy is a creeper, why are you dancing with him and why the hell are you kissing him? There were so many cute guys at that party! Pick someone else! Anyway…the other girl didn’t even look at the guys she kissed she just grabbed them and kissed them. Not only was I the only one to get kissed right at midnight, but he was hot and we didn’t just kiss for a minute, we danced for a good hour or so and made out half of the time. Yeah, I realize that was a pretty slutty thing to do, but I don’t really care. Sometimes I do slutty things. You’re jealous.

I never did get NYMM’s name. After a while he grabbed me and we kissed again and he said, “You’ve worn me out!” I laughed and wished him a happy new year and then he went off on his way. I’ve thought a few times that I should have gotten his name and number, but I think that would take away from the spontaneity of the encounter. I needed to get out and do something crazy, so I did. I have no regrets.

Happy New Year, dear followers!