Do you have a roommate who you just want to punch every time they're near you? That's Bianca for me. I've been like a pressure cooker, just waiting to explode. I'm way beyond done with her. Seriously.
This girl is ridiculous. I don't know how she doesn't realize how much she bugs each and everyone one of her roommates. Isaac was talking to me the other day and he said, "Is it bad that I take pleasure in shutting Bianca down? Because I kind of feel bad enjoying it so much..." No, Isaac, it's not bad. It's great.
One night we had a couple guys over watching Hot Rod and she was sitting smack dab in the middle of the couch, making sure she sat by them. Each of them. Actually, on top of them. Literally, there will be a whole empty couch and she will sit ON TOP of whatever guy is sitting on it. Isaac was one of the guys, but he sat on a different couch and she still got him. It's ridiculous. It's all I can do to be in the same room as her, boys present or not. I really, really, really can't stand that biz. CANNOT.STAND.HER.
Anyway, Bianca aside...I can't let Wade go. I don't know why, I just can't. We talked the other day out of the blue about us and why it sucks so bad to be in this position. About two weeks ago I sent him a message that said, "I owe you an apology. I didn't mean to leave you with the impression that I'm here pining away, unable to live with just friendship. I'm okay with being just friends, it just stung a little that you made it look so easy to move on." Well, I didn't hear from him for over a week. At that point, I was irritated, but I felt alright and didn't feel the desire to chase after him.
He finally responded to me saying, "I owe you an apology now too. You apologized the other day and I guess I was just frustrated with the whole situation. We both were I'd say. But I'm sorry that I kind of have the tendency to shut down. I don't know why, but it's frustrating to not only you but me as well. I feel like I've left you in the dark and for that I'm sorry.But really, I just don't have a good explanation other than I suck at figuring these out."
We talked about our situation for awhile and I told him that I haven't completely given up on him, that I still really care about him and want it to work. He knows the ball is in his court. I don't know what will happen, but at least we're talking again. We've talked every day since then and things feel really good, but not the way it was.
Why am I so into this guy who's leading me around in circles?
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