We had a good time shopping together. We went to his apartment and played some video games. We watched a movie and lounged around on the couch. It was a nice, long, relaxing day. At the end of the night, however, I felt this pressure rise in my chest because I knew I had to bring it up. As we wrapped up the date, my heart raced. we hugged goodbye and I told him, "I don't want you to date other girls." It got quiet and awkward and I suddenly felt sad again.
Colton told me he understands where I'm coming from and he knows it's not fair for me if he's seeing other people and I'm not. He asked if he could have a week to think about it. My immediate reaction was to pout and whine and say I wanted an answer right then, but I told him he could have a week. You guys, I'm pretty convinced that I just dug my grave with this relationship.
I mean, I'm a pretty optimistic person and I can't help but be hopeful, but I don't think Colton will be able to bury his fear and commit to a relationship. It hurts. I'm sad. I really like him and I know he's not intentionally hurting me. We both have our pasts and our failed relationships, his is just a little more extreme and he doesn't have my optimism.
He told me the next day that he wants to be sure that our personalities are compatible and that we have attraction emotionally and spiritually rather than just physically. I know I feel it all around, but he's just not sure. I don't know how, after two months, he doesn't know yet, but I'm willing to give him a week.
I have a knot in my stomach. I was looking forward to what we have planned this weekend, but now I'm dreading it. I don't want this to be over.
As someone who's been on the other side of this, I honestly don't know that you have to worry, so long as you try not to freak out. He obviously really likes you - otherwise, he wouldn't keep spending so much time with you. You've made your preference known. Now you need to make a decision, should he not decide he's ready to make things exclusive - would you rather be with him, but not exclusive, or would you rather lose him entirely, but have the option to move on to someone whose desires align better with yours right now?
ReplyDeleteWhat happened in my situation is that the girl wanted to move faster than I was ready. I still really, really liked them, but as soon as the topic came up and we discussed it (and I honestly started to feel better, since I thought we were on the same page), the girl kind of started freaking out and tip-toeing around me. All of a sudden, the girl that I really liked wasn't acting like herself. She basically assumed that, since I wasn't ready for more (in this situation, we WERE exclusive, but she was ready to push for marriage, even though we'd only been dating around a month in both situations), that meant that I wanted to break up, which wasn't the case.
So basically, what are you willing to do? Are you willing to wait, knowing that he likes you (since he's not cultivating relationships with other girls), or would you prefer to find someone who's willing to move faster? Either option is valid.
Also, hi. I guess I never introduced myself. I'm not sure how I found your blog, but I've been reading for a little while. I hope that's okay...
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment! It actually made me feel a bit better. I'm not entirely sure what I'll do if he says he doesn't want to be exclusive, but you've given me things to think about. Glad you came across my blog :)
ReplyDeleteGlad to help! Seriously, though, even if he's not ready right now? That doesn't mean he never will be. And it doesn't mean that, just by asking, you've dug a grave for your relationship. Weirdly enough, assuming that it's over might be more likely to end things than anything else. If you like the direction things are going, that's what's the most important. You don't have to be taking giant steps to still be moving forward. :)
ReplyDeleteFeel free to contact me any time if you ever want to talk about this stuff. I've been told I'm a good listener, and I'm not one who gets offended if my advice is ignored. 'S not my life, after all. :)