Waiting

My roommates keep asking me whether or not I'm nervous for Derek to visit. You know, I don't really feel all that nervous. At this point it's mostly a mixture of being anxious and being excited. 

Twelve more days until he's here and I feel like time is slowing down. This next week for me is going to be absolutely insane at work and I want to just fast forward through it to the following week. I don't even know what Derek and I are going to do other than we're going to spend a ton of time together. And you know what? I have no qualms about that. I would love to just spend a weekend with Derek talking and watching movies and making dinner together. We don't need to have a lot of plans, since we're doing this so we can spend time with each other.

It's either going to make or break us and I'm ready to find out. He and I have a lot of potential, but we need to see each other to know. Twelve days until we find out. Until then, I wait. Forgive me if I don't have much to write about for the next little while.

Happiness

Kirk texted me this past week asking to see me on Saturday. My immediate reaction was to tell him  "No thanks," which isn't something I've ever felt like telling him before. There's always been a part of my heart that has been dying to have him come to me like that. Of course, every time he has in the past I've been let down and crushed because that's what he does best. But this time? I didn't have any sort of inclination to see him, only to tell him no as quick as possible.

Is this what being happy is like? Is being happy forgetting my past heart aches? I can't even describe how good it feels to not want to have anything to do with Kirk. I feel like I'm on top of my game right now. I have a job that I freaking love and I can't help but continue to fall for Derek.

It's little things, like how Derek will text me first most days and how he congratulates me on doing a great job at work after a busy day. Or how he has all sorts of cheesy puns and he's constantly making me laugh. From hundreds of miles away Derek treats me better than any guy has treated me in a long time. He's romantic, but gets embarrassed. He's frank about what he likes and what he doesn't like because he's older and has had his own share of heart breaks.

This is what happiness feels like. If this is a dream, then I never want to wake up.