My heart is on the floor. Why don't you step on it?

Daniel and I snuck away from his birthday party and locked lips for a couple minutes down the street.  It wasn't very long, nothing really happened except some good smooches.  Later he sent me a text telling me he wasn't quite satisfied.  Dan, my friend, neither was I.  I've been running on empty for a good couple of months and the two brief sessions we've had recently weren't enough.  I've been left wanting more.  It's time for a makeout date.  The weather is nice, he and I should go star gazing or something so we can have some alone time.  I hate dry spells...

Last week Tyson rocked me emotionally. I sent him a text several weeks ago saying, "I hate that I don't feel comfortable talking to you."  It was a weak moment that I regret.  I hadn't had his number for awhile but then I just so happened to end up with it and I couldn't resist temptation.  He didn't respond, so I had a good cry the next day and then I deleted him from my phone and facebook (finally.)  I felt like I needed cleansing.  I feel like I need to completely wash all of that off me.  But I can't ever be fully rid of Tyson and the scum he is.

Last week he finally responded to my text.  He said something about not knowing what to say and thinking about my text again and again.  He said he was sorry for making things awkward on his part.  That was it.  I got the text while I was at work and I think I almost passed out.  My hands started shaking, my heart started pounding, my knees felt weak.  I'm not made to handle this emotional stress.  It's wrecking everything about me.  I cried yesterday after seeing Tyson at institute.  Every time I'm near him I want to throw things, like punches or tables.  It pisses me off that he can walk around so unaffected by everything.  Why am I feeling so broken while he's acting as if we ought to be mending things and becoming friends?

It's safe to say that Tyson went from being the love of my life to one of my top 5 most disliked people I've ever met.  It's a shame, too, because he could be such a fun friend.  Any hope we had of being friends was smashes to bits when he tossed me aside like I never mattered.  Dick.

The Breakdown

Sometimes I think about these hookup sessions that Daniel and I have and I think to myself, "How does that end up happening?  Like, really?  A booty call?  You, Leslie?  Get serious."  Well, here's how it happens.

We text a lot.  We text almost all day, every day (I know, I know, that's what couples do) but it almost always comes down to someone saying, "Soooo I kinda want to kiss someone right now and you make a good candidate."  Then we get into a conversation about where we would meet and what our excuses would be (study group, the gym, a friends house, a church activity...) and then it all falls into place.  

We meet up, we chitchat for a couple minutes, then we end up sucking face in the back of someone's car.  Romantic, right?  Wrong.  It's not romantic because it's designed to be a hook up, straight up making out.  Nothing all emotional, no cuddling while sharing our deep dark secrets.  We makeout, we realize how late it is, then we go home in order to make it before curfew (it's sad that we have curfew.) 

No strings attached, that's what it's supposed to be.  We're friends who makeout.  It's such a weird situation that I can hardly comprehend. 

I have a makeout buddy.  That is weird.  I like it...

Canoodling and Cop Cars

As is typical for a Thursday night, Daniel and I met up for a nice little romp in the back of my car.  Our normal spot in an abandoned parking lot was taken, so we decided to go to the nearby LDS church parking lot.  It was dark and empty and perfect.  

I've noticed that recently my little excursions with Daniel are less about making out and more about talking and teasing and giggling.  There's part of me that really like this, especially when he sends me text messages after wards saying, "I really enjoy talking to you, Leslie." but then another part of me is screaming, "NOOOOO!!!!  This is when people get attached and hearts are going to be SMUSHED and your 'non-committal' are going to flop over to 'committal' so fast you won't even know!"  I guess the whole arrangement he and I have is a little less NCMO and a little more friends-with-benefits, but I still view it as completely unattached.  I could get a boyfriend at any time.  Daniel could snatch up some pretty young thing (last night I actually told him that he's gonna find her very soon and this will have to end) at any moment.  Annnywaay, point is, we talked a lot last night.  It was fun, we lay in the back of my car laughing and joking around, sharing a couple smooches here and there.

We had hardly spent any time really doing any serious face sucking when Daniel said, "Yup, that's a spotlight."  Sure enough, all the times that Daniel had spent glancing around being paranoid of every light moving around us was giving reason.  Two cop cars pulled into the parking lot, shined their spotlight on my car then walked over and tapped on the window.  We had just been talking at the time, so we were laying side by side, nothing racy going on.  We climbed onto the middle seat and opened the car door. 

First question, "How old are you guys?  Can I see some ID?"  Second,  "So what are you guys doing?"  We answered, "To be perfectly honest, we're makin' out."  To which the lady cop gave us a skeptical look and said, "Just making out, eh?  No sex?  No groping each other?"  This is where I got all silly and giggly and started going on and on about how we're good Mormon kids and we were just making out because we didn't want to makeout at our houses because of our parents and we had been friends for a long time but started dating around Christmas time (so glad Daniel didn't speak up at that time and say we started dating at a different time)  I also threw in a little bit about how "if he ever tried any sort of groping, I'd smack him so hard!"  I don't think the cop was buying it for a little while, but then she eased up and just told us about how if we had been caught having sex, we'd be put on a sex offenders list (you should have seen Daniel's eyes bug out at that) but then she made it clear that just making out is okay, we'd just have to find another place.  

To sum it all up, we weren't doing anything wrong except that we were parking somewhere that was considered closed to the public.  Next time, we'll be more discrete.  

I don't know if anything kills the buzz faster than the fuzz.

Afternoon Delight

I don't typically ward hop.  I'm very involved in my single's ward, so I stick pretty close to home.  However, there was one particular Sunday when I had the oportunity to attend another ward for part of the block and I knew I looked really good, so I went on the off chance that I'd see this guy I'd been in love with for the past couple years.  Okay, I also wanted to go and make Daniel see how hot I am.  This was mid-February and I hadn't kissed anyone since Daniel on New Year's...

Somehow Daniel and I ended up at the park after church ended (Tyson, kid I was in love with, was a no-show.)  We walked around the entire park and sat down on the bleachers by the baseball fields and just talked.  It was really nice to catch up with him and see what he was up to.  He called me out on my constant application of chapstick, claiming I'd lured him to the park just so I could kiss him.  That is FALSE.  I had had really dry lips the previous week and they cracked really bad, the chapstick was just to keep moisture on my lips so the cracks wouldn't get any bigger.  I intended to not kiss Daniel at all.  Tyson was home from his mission and we were hanging out practically every day, so I wanted to avoid guilt.  Daniel walked me to my car, gave me a big hug, and planted one on me.  Whoops....

The next Sunday Daniel came to my ward and we left early...to go makeout at a park.  There we were in our Sunday best, making out instead of sitting in Sunday school.  As far as habits go, that's something I'm not planning on making into one.  I came home from "church" and during dinner my dad gave me his normal quiz of who taught what class and what did I find interesting.  Definitely had to fudge a little instead of tell him about the French lesson...

Through a whirlwind of events, including Tyson announcing he got a girlfriend (freaking whore, I hate her), my telling Daniel that we had to stop and then, later that day, telling him we needed to meet up asap, Daniel and I ended up with plans to meet up and makeout.  Scheduled hookup.  Since then, it's been that same day every week.  Friends with benefits, makeout buddies, committed NCMO partners, secret lovers without the lovers bit (Daniel's favorite lable.  Should I be worried?)  It's a weird arrangement, I know, but somehow it's working out...

The Infamous NCMO

NCMO: Non-Committal Make Out.  The mormon hook up or one night stand.  A good ol' macking sesh with someone you don't want to date.  

There's something about getting together with someone for just a night that adds some thrill.  For me, I feel like it's a bit of a walk on the wild side because I'm normally a pretty committed gal.  For the longest time I never even considered indulging in a NCMO because I felt like I'd end up getting attached and hurt in the end.  I tried it for the first time in a looong time at the end of last year after a pretty bad break up.  I had recently gotten in contact with an ex boyfriend from high school and he was more than willing to stick his tongue down my throat once or twice.  Unfortunately for him, any chemistry we had in high school was long gone and it wasn't enjoyable at all.  I'm fairly certain I ended up paying more attention to Zombieland than I did to his kissing.  It wasn't enjoyable at all.

 

But then New Year's Eve came around.

I have this friend, Daniel, who got back from his mission in December.  We dated once upon a high school time, he was my first love, we broke up, yada yada yada.  Well, turns out he and I still have mad chemistry so shortly after his return, the subject of us getting together for a rendezvous came up.  Happen on New Year's Eve, first in his car and then in mine.  I don't know if it was just the New Year's magic in the air or how quickly Daniel caught on to the proper technique of making out (he's a fast learner.  likereally fast), but it was amazing.  I wasn't thinking about Zombieland or this other guy that I was crushing on, I was completely focused on what was going on right then and there.  First NCMO I'd completely enjoyed.

That was the beginning of my adventure down NCMO lane and I haven't looked back since.