This past weekend has been a roller coaster. My mood swings have been UNbelievable. Is it all Kirk's fault? No. I mean, he factors in a little bit, but it's mostly a combination of stress and menstruation. I'm graduating in two weeks and I have so much stuff to do. When I really start thinking about all the writing I have to accomplish by next week I kind of want to roll over and die. Instead of actually doing anything I curl up on my bed and whine.
On top of all that stress, my insides want to rip me apart. Honestly, I think I have an alien inside me clawing it's way out my abdomen. It's also tugging on my heart strings, squeezing my tear ducts, and causing panic attacks. This alien? Yeah, not my friend.
Kirk has been mega busy for the past few days and as a result, we haven't talked much. It's probably a good thing, because when I haven't been in the fetal position on my bed or curled up in a chair, I've actually been working on all the homework I have. Slowly but surely I've been making progress, even though I still feel like my head is going to explode because of all the stress.
So...yesterday I had kind of a meltdown. I sent Kirk a text telling him how needy I felt and how I was kind of going a little stir crazy, even though I had seen him earlier that day at school and he had texted me about how incredible I looked ("as always"-his words). Several hours later I looked back on that text and I felt pretty embarrassed.
Now, I've never been completely sane when it comes to relationships, particularly with Kirk. I have a tendency to over think everything and to read into every little thing. I am a super needy person and it drives me crazy that I'm so needy. I've been working on that and for the most part I'm getting better at keeping it under control. However, when I'm menstruating I completely lose it. I can only describe it as an utter lack of control over my emotions. I'm happy as a clam one minute, then I'm laying in a heap on the floor crying over things that happened months ago. It's exhausting being so emotionally charged.
So yeah. I felt embarrassed. I said sorry, which I feel like I've done a lot with Kirk (and you're probably sick of it. Sorry, guys). He assured me I have nothing to be sorry for and he's sorry he's been so busy. I haven't seen him since Friday, but that's for the best. I've been getting homework done. Here's hoping that stress and being a woman don't kill me.
I can't wait for the next two weeks to be over. BYU-Idaho, it's been real, but I'm tired of this homework shiz.
I cannot adequately express the truth behind this. SO TRUE.
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