Blow to the Ego

I was sitting in one of my classes and a girl I've become friends with turned to me and asked, "This is your third semester, right?"  I told her this was my fifth and explained to her that I took some time off.  Her response was, "This is your fifth semester?  I'm surprised you're not engaged yet!"  OUCH.  I'm a spinster and I'm not even 25 yet.  What a blow.

She followed it up with, "Because you're, like, really gorgeous."  Okay, I guess I'll take that.

Self destructive habits

Last night before going to bed I was poking around on facebook, like everyone else and their grandma does.  One thing led to another and I found myself looking at Tyson's page.  I deleted him months ago, but I still occassionally stalk his only semi-private profile.  He's got a picture of himself and the new girl up as his profile picture.  That's new.   He's grown a beard, despite hating facial hair before his mission.

 

I dreamed that I saw him at institute and he asked for my phone number.  I felt angry and irritated and I was rude to him.  I got up and stormed out of institute, only to return with hopes that I could see and talk to Tyson again.  I looked around for him but realized he was already gone and I missed my opportunity to reconnect with him. 

 

On top of waking up sick this morning, I was in a bad mood.  I felt disgusted with myself for even dreaming regret about not being friends with Tyson.  What's wrong with my subconscious self?  I'm pretty sure there's a loose circut somewhere in there, because I know Tyson is no good.  I know that he's a giant douche bag who doesn't deserve an ounce of my attention, my pity or even my forgiveness.  I want to go back into my dream and slap myself around, yelling, "Pull yourself together!  He broke your heart!  Don't give him the satisfaction of crawling back to you and winning!"  I really need to get over this.  I need to move on.  

 

I'm not sure if I know how yet. 

Move your body like a cyclone

The Vivint (formerly APX) dance party.  The place where BYU-Idaho students go to get their freak on.  This semester kick off party used to take place at Beaver Dick, but it has since moved to a couple different locations throughout the semesters, landing it this semester at the Vivint building right on Main street in Rexburg.

I showed up about an hour into the shindig and it was already pretty warm in there.  I stepped outside about an hour later and when I walked back inside, I was hit by a wall of heat and perspiration.  There wasn't a single person in that whole room who wasn't dripping with sweat.  It's that kind of low light, super hot environment that encourages us BYUI kids to get down and dirty, touching everyone in the way.

I like dancing.  I like dancing around in a circle like we did when we were younger at stake dances, I like dancing up on my girlfriends.  I even like the occasional grind up on some dude.  It's fun, it's pretty harmless, it's just a way to groove with the music and -literally- let some steam off.  That being said, HOLY COW.  There were some people having full on dry sex at the vivint party.  No shame, no trying to hide it, getting all up and nasty on each other right there in front of everyone.  Don't you think that's a little much?

I was with a couple girlfriends dancing around the floor, weaving our way into the center and then out.  At one point this guy comes up behind me and starts dancing.  No biggie, it was kinda fun even if he didn't have an ounce of rhythm in his body.  He grabbed my hands and was trying to lead me around, in his non-rhythmic way, and it started getting less fun.  Then he licked my neck.  My sweaty, gross neck.  I had hardly seen the guys face (it was pretty dark in there) and he was trying to tongue my neck.  With some expert maneuvering,  me and the ladies got out of the middle and lurked towards the back avoiding the neck-licker.

I suppose it's my fault for being willing to get down and dance with practically any guy who wanted to, but I have a little pride and I definitely have some limits.  Neck-licker crossed them.  I'll probably brave another dance party or two, but I'll be more choosy about who I dance with.

Also, would it be too much to ask for an outside dance party?   Despite being forever far away, at least Beaver Dick didn't leave everyone with stagnant sweat air for everyone to breathe in.

Playing the BYUI Dating Game

BYU-Idaho has the reputation for having way more girls than guys.  The ratio was something like 3:1 when I started school here.  Despite rumors that it's more like 1.5:1 now, I don't believe it's gotten any better.  Nearly every class I have is overfilled with marriage hungry girls, claiming to be spinsters at age nineteen.

I don't know if it's just the actual ratio of girls to guys, but I feel as though the whole dating atmosphere here is a giant game of which-girl-can-be-more-aggressive.  Let's face it, if you aren't the type of girl to go hunt down the unwed men in your classes and practically force yourself on them, you're chances of happening upon a friendship with a male who is unattached is slim.  Part of that, however, I believe is attributed to the guys, but I'll touch on that later.

My mother taught me while growing up that women weren't meant to pursue.  She told me that I needed to calm the heck down, back off the poor boys, let them man up and come to me.  I've never been able to get the hang of that.  I am a go-getter.  I see something (or someone) I want and I get poised into attack mode...until I sense competition.  As soon as another girl steps into the picture, I lose all motivation.  I don't want to compete with another girl, I don't want to have to play the one-up game, I would rather not get the guy and fall to the way-side rather than compete.  Part of that is because I've lost many times to "the other girl", part of that is because suddenly it's not fun anymore, the chase loses all appeal.

Something about pursing a guy is intriguing.  It's fun to be flirty and silly and giddy.  It's fun to tease and be interesting to him.  But still, it's not fun to try and be the better girl.  I want a guy to like me for me and have him pick me over all the other girls, not because I was trying, but because he genuinely likes me.  I don't really think that's unreasonable.

That being said, I do feel like being here in Idaho is a better dating scene for me.  I don't want to get caught up in those competitions, though.  I want to be able to have fun and go out on dates and enjoy the company of men without having to worry about whether or not I'm impressing them more than the other girl they were just talking to.  It's exhausting.

Now, boys, here's some advice to you:  BE A MAN.  Take the lead, ask that cute girl in your class out even if you've only seen her from across the room.  Do cheesy things like passing notes or using silly pick up lines.  Although cheesy, we girls live for those kinds of things.  We write them down in our journals and text ALL of our girlfriends about them.

Just because the girls here at BYUI are cutthroat doesn't mean you should slack off in your duties as a male.  Don't get lazy and think, "Why should I ask girls out when there are so many throwing themselves at me?"  We're doing it only because we want to get to you before the other girl does.  I'm sure you'll have better luck dating if you're the one singling out the girls you want to get to know rather than only meeting and dating the girls who jump into your path with their marriage bell blaring.

In review....
Girls:  Stop being so aggressive!  Let things happen, be friendly, be cute, be flirty.
Boys:  Be a man.  Ask a lady you think is cute out.

The Girl Who Hated the Gym

I love the gym.  I love doing ab workouts, the treadmill, and the elliptical (okay, that one is a love/hate relationship.)  If you had asked me a year ago (or even six months ago) I would have told you that I hate the gym.  I loathed going to the gym.  It was among the least appealing things EVER.  But something switched.  Suddenly, I don't mind it.  I still get winded pretty easy (I blame asthma), but I go as often as I can and I really feel good after the workout.

The next step in phase: love the gym?  Get my butt up to the Hart building instead of my apartment gym.  I hear there are guys at the Hart...

DOUCHE BAG

Every time I see pictures of Tyson and his new squeeze, I want to punch him in the balls and her in the face.
I also feel kind of lame for still being so bitter and upset.  Oh well, I guess it's not every day the guy you're in love with shows you his ugly, lying, douche bag side.  He's not even worth my time, but I can't help but feel enraged.

Tyson, you're a FAGGOT

p.s. I went on a date.  We went longboarding and got ice cream.  It was relaxed and awesome.

Dear Guys at BYU-Idaho

Since returning to Rexburg this past weekend, I've already noticed a couple trends among the young men here.

1.  Popped collars.  What the heck is that?  I know it's not a new trend, it's been going on since I started going to school here.  I just don't get it.  You look like a douche.  You know what girls date douches?  Bimbos.  Bimbos aren't the kind of girls you want marrying you and raising your kids.  Just don't do it, let the collar lay where it's supposed to lay.

2.  The Euro Mullet.  Do you really think that's attractive?  It's only appropriate if you're from Spain or Germany and play soccer.  And no, going on your mission there doesn't count.  You look like you forgot to finish cutting your gross, moppy hair.

3.  What's the deal with not holding open the door for a lady?  Or for anyone, even.  If I'm walking in the building right behind you, my arms full of a GIGANTIC guitar case, I'd appreciate a little bit of chivalry.  I promise, every guy (or girl) who holds the door open for me, I will turn to you and say thanks.  Because I really appreciate it.

GEEZE LOUISE, BYUI MEN!

You know what gets my goat?

I've always had more guy friends than girl friends.  Guys are simple, girls are catty.  I don't like drama, I don't want to be around it, I try to avoid it.  This being the case, I end up with tons of guy friends.    But just because I'm "one of the guys" doesn't mean I'm not a girl.

I'm sick of being treated like the go-to girl for dating.  "Leslie, set me up with so-and-so!"  "What do you think of her, Leslie?  Do I have a chance?"  "Do you want to double with me so I can take her out?  I'm sure I have a friend who wouldn't mind going with you."  Wingman, wingman, wingman.  That is ALL I will ever be to these guys.  True, I do kind of bring it on myself by willingly becoming one of the guys, but GEEZE.  Way to hurt a girl's pride!

I have these friends who are constantly trying to get me to set them up with girls that I know.  They want phone numbers or me to arrange a movie night where they can have the opportunity to ask the girl out.  They want my advice on planning the date, how to dress and how much cologne to wear.  I'm supposed to get the girl to dish all her feelings about the date to me so I can report back to the guy.  Like a full time job, it's exhausting.  Not only that, but it kind of irks me when these guys are all appreciative and shower me in compliments like, "More girls should be like you" or "You're going to make a man really happy one day, Leslie.  Thanks for being so great"  Right around then I inhale and bite my tongue.     

Want to know how many dates I've gone on in the past two years I've spent at home?  Four.  FOUR DATES IN TWO YEARS.  That's a lot of weekends spent not on dates.  It kind of insults me that these guys have the balls to tell me I'm so awesome and ask for my help, yet they lack the ones they need to ask me out on a date.  I'm pretty, I'm smart, I'm sexy.  I know I'm these things, so why aren't these guys manning up to take me out?  Even as a friend, I'd still appreciate the offer.  

For now, I'll just tell myself they're too intimidated.