Waxing Spiritual

Maybe it's a sign that I'm getting older or maybe it's just the giant spike my spiritual life has taken over the past six months, but I feel like I need to post something a bit spiritual.

When I was in high school there was a combined young men/young women lesson one Sunday that my Dad, who was the bishop at the time, gave on bearing your testimony. He said something that's stuck with me. He said that bearing a testimony is meant for bearing truth, for telling people what you know to be true. What if you don't know it? You tell people what you believe to be true. What if you don't really know if you believe it's true? You tell people what you hope to be true. I can't pinpoint what it is about this know, believe, hope thing, but it's something that constantly comes back into my mind when I think about where I stand with the Church.

I've had a testimony of the Gospel for several years. I've felt love from my Heavenly Father, I've been to the temple and felt undeniable feelings of truth, I've cried while praying. I have a testimony of the Church. But it wasn't until about the past six months when I've had these huge spititual experiences, most of them linked with the hardest trials I've been through, when I realized the value of having a testimony and the value of understand your worth in the sight of God. I understand how sometimes the Lord allows us to stumble through darkness, to be cut to the core with pain, to date people who aren't right for us. In the moment things suck big time, you feel alone, abandoned, searching for something that doesn't seem to be there for you, heart aching with every breath, but in hindsight you see how the Lord was there all along, hands outstretched, catching you when you fell.

I used to not be the kind of girl who would talk about God and personal spiritual experiences unless it was to make a comment in Sunday school. I can't help it now. I talk to my dad, to Sammie, to Bethany, to whoever will listen. I have this desire to share the hope, the belief, the knowledge that I've been blessed with. Not to the point that it's annoying, but just so other people feel our Father's love.

I know God has a plan for me. I don't fear the future, I don't fear turning 24 and not having a husband or even a boyfriend. I know I'm doing what the Lord wants me to be doing. He knows me. He knows you. He's there, waiting for you to turn to him. Take heart, friends. We are not alone. We are loved.