I choose you, Pikachu!

Have you listened to the Civil Wars?  I'm in love with them.  I don't know what it is about today, but for some reason their songs are just wrenching me around.  I feel sad, somber, alone.  I think it's just an off day and these songs are heightening all the feelings swarming around inside my head and chest.


Jakesent me a text yesterday that said, "I just had a thought...if you were a pokémon, I'd choose you!"  It was kind of cute, particularly because I loved pokémon as a kid, so it definitely made my smile.  However, I didn't know how to respond.  I don't want to say I'm trying to get rid of Jake, he's a good friend, but I don't want to lead him on.  For some reason, any attraction that was once there has since packed it's bags and gotten the heck outta Dodge.  When Jake makes cute comments to me or smiles at me or asks to hang out, I get kind of irritated and even a little bummed.  I want him to stop trying.  Meh.


It's been a long time since I talked about Tyson.  While I still feel a bitter pang of hurt when I think about him, much of that has passed.  Something I was reminiscing on recently was the fact that before his mission, Tyson and I talked 24/7.  If we weren't physically together, we were having an ongoing text conversation that was simply put on hold while someone was at work or when we fell asleep.  We would resume the conversation as soon as we could.  We took turns asking each other invasive questions and then responded to the questions as honestly as we could, no matter how vulnerable it made us feel.  We bore our souls to each other.  I've never been so openly honest with someone, neither before nor after Tyson.  I've never been so vulnerable in my life.


That's something that's missing right now.  I'd like to get to know Aaron better, but I don't really know how. We don't spend a lot of time together and when we are together, we're usually making out.  I said it before, I rushed kissing Aaron.  I don't wholly regret it, but at the same time it presents a hurdle in the communication department.  We could talk until late hours in the night telling each other secrets, ooorrrr we could make out. Let's face it, we'll probably make out more often than not.  Don't get me wrong, I like making out.  A lot.  One of my favorite pastimes.  However, I do like talking and getting to know someone and learning to trust.  If we're always making out, where does this come into play?


I'm a mess.  As soon as I think things are going well and I'm going to be able to sort things out and have a clear view of what's going to happen in the future, days like today come and slap me in the face, sending me sprawled out on the ground.  

I have never wanted a Pikachu more than this moment right now.