Shiz Just Got Real

Something crazy happened to me last week.  I have Twitter for this blog, right (if you're not following me, you should follow me!)?  I have my twitter friends, sometimes I send tweets to them or have private convos or whatevs with them.  It makes me feel like a legit person instead of some completely anonymous girl writing a blog with all her love life throw up on it.  Human interaction?  Leslie is completely legitimized.  Boom.

Anyway...

I have this twitter friend, his name is Aaron.  He has been trying to get me to give him my number for awhile now.  We PM each other on twitter and exchange playful banter, I flirt a little bit more than I should with someone I don't know.  Even though he goes to BYUI, he could still be a major creep, right?  Aren't some Mormon guys able to be uber creepy?  I was wary, I admit it.  I didn't want to give him my number, tell him my real name, or hint too much at what my major might be, lest he find out who I am and blab to the ENTIRE world who writes this blog.  But the banter was so easy and fun to engage in...

Ladies and gentlemen, it's true.  I'm a sucker.  Aaron suckered me into tossing aside the mask of anonymity and indifference.  I caved and gave him my phone number, told him where I work, and told him my real name (which confused him, so he called me asking for Leslie...I got a kick out of that.)

Friday night I consented to allow him to call me, which he did, and then agreed to go walk around Porter Park so we could chat and he could get to know me face to face, rather than under the facade of the Mormon Skank.  I was terrified.  I haven't ever met someone off the internet for a date, neither have I ever allowed anyone I'm going to go on a date with to read the blog where I basically bare my soul about how I feel regarding guys and dating and marriage.  Kind of a big deal, right?  Besides, Aaron didn't know what I looked like, whether or not I'm actually a sane person or one of those crazy, psychotic girls we all know exist at this school.  Leap of faith for him, I must say.  Aaron, you ought to be commended for taking the risk you did.

He knocked on the door of my apartment and I swear, my stomach did about twenty somersaults in about 2.3 seconds, I was so nervous.  What if I disappointed?  What if he expected some girl who was taller, with longer, tanner legs?  Did my hair look okay?  What on earth would we talk about?  Would it be awkward?  My mind was going about fifty miles a minute, as was my heart.  He put me at ease immediately, though, as soon as I opened the door and introduced him to my roommate and a friend who was over.  I don't even remember their conversation, I just know that I realized how personable Aaron was and there wasn't much fear left of this being an awkward date.

Aaron was a real gentleman, and not just because he insisted that he call me up in order to properly ask me out.  He opened the car door for me and he listened to the things I had to say.  We walked around Porter Park and talked about a wide variety of things.  We ended up on a bench, talking about movies, school, the awkwardness of the situation, and he even called me out on the body language I was using, turning my body towards him and looking at him after sitting facing forward for awhile.  It was as though those awkward moments that exist in conversation between other people were put there so we could call them out, essentially making the awkward not awkward, but something to propel the conversation forward.  I'm not sure if that makes sense to you, but it does to me.  I didn't mind the awkwardness, but rather embraced it for what it was.

Aaron and I were so caught up in talking that we ended up staying out until shortly after curfew.  He got me home relatively close to curfew, remaining a gentleman all the way through walking me to my door.  We bade each other farewell with a hug and the definite possibility of doing something again sometime soon.  The whole night was refreshingly pleasant, despite the initial burst of nerves.  For the most part, I felt completely at ease. Maybe it was because I know he reads this so I didn't have to put up a front, maybe it was just that I didn't feel the need to be impressive, just normal.

I went to Matilda's after I got home even though it was super late.  I told her about how it was a good date and Aaron was nice guy and she said, "What about Wade?"  Ugh, what about Wade?  He is what he is.  He isn't here in Idaho, he hasn't committed 100% to coming to visit.  As much as I'd like to not admit it, he's totally got me wrapped around his finger and I'm still hopeful that he'll visit and that it'll work out.  But why can't I have fun while I'm here?  Why can't I have the opportunity to meet some great guys at BYUI?  No reason I can't, so I will.

Wade is an enigma.  I can't trick myself into banking everything on him.  For now, everything is up in the air, no one has any claim on anyone.  This is any man's game.