I Know Nothing About Cars

Ladies, I've discovered the secret to catching a man's attention, and it's not baring as much skin as possible without being a streetwalker. It's pretty easy, actually. All it takes is either some bad luck or a few white lies. I found out through bad luck, but it doesn't have to really be an accident.

I've been having some car trouble this week, so I've called a few friends and posted on facebook for some advice. You won't believe the amount of guys who have come out of nowhere to offer up advice and their services. I have had guys calling me and texting me nonstop about what the issue with my car is, whether or not I've tried different things, and asking if they can come take a look. Yeah, it absolutely sucks that I have the bad luck of my car not working and that I am currently stranded for the time being, but it's not too terrible having all these men thronging about.

Here's when the white lies come into play: I know quite a bit about cars. This isn't my first rodeo with car trouble and I know what I'm talking about. If I say the engine won't turn over, I know what that means. But sometimes, in order to boost a guy's ego and make him feel like he's rescuing a helpless damsel in distress I feign not knowing what he's talking about. No matter who the guy is, he eats this up. Being able to talk in automotive jargon and not have a woman follow, so they have to explain in super simple terms makes a man feel like he's doing something really macho and he's being really impressive. I'm totally okay with pretending I know nothing in order for a man to preen his car peacock feathers in front of me. Totes down with that.

So what happens when you want to catch a man and your car isn't having any trouble? The answer is simple: make your car have trouble. Now, I'm not saying go and run your car into a tree or slash your tires. No need to go to such dramatic, expensive lengths to get a guy's attention. All you need to do is "accidentally" leave your lights on overnight. Or, if you really want to commit (without causing damage to your car) you can loosen one of the terminals (one of the metal things on your battery that hook to the cables that hook your battery to your engine) on your battery so the car won't start. As soon as you pop the hood of your car open and lean over the engine, wiggling and jiggling things at random, because you know nothing about cars, the fellows will be RUNNING to help you.

"Car trouble? I can help!"
"Need a jump?"
"What's wrong with your car?"
"Have you tried making sure your car is completely in park when starting it?"
"Is it making a clicking noise?"

Yeah, the guys will be jumping at the opportunity to help you. Your job is to sit back and be impressed. Act as if everything he's saying is so interesting and you're learning so much, even if you already know what he's talking about. Touch his arm and compliment him on his knowledge of cars. Thank him for helping you out and offer him cookies or brownies. If you don't have his number already, this opens it up for you to get his number so you can thank him for his help. If you already know him, ask if he wants to grab lunch together or watch a movie at your place that night.

Car troubles are a pain in the rear, but they're good for picking up men. I'll let you know how well it works out for me this time...

Cheers!