Fingertips

There came a point in the conversation with Dean when we both kind of realized that we were going to kiss. I teased him about setting the kissing standard pretty high, which he expressed some regret over because he didn't want to make my expectations too high because he didn't want me to be let down. Friends, you can only be let down when it comes to kissing if you're kissing. Well, I suppose you can let down by not kissing at all....but we're talking skill level. You can't be disappointed about skill level if you don't get to test it out.

When I realized that Dean and I would probably kiss, I felt really nervous. Nervous, but also excited. Dean is really interesting. He's quiet and pretty reserved. It intrigues me. I want to know more about him. I want to be curl up on the couch and watch movies and then tell each other secrets while the credits roll. 

He came over one night last week in order to share his big, cozy blanket with me. We picked a movie and started it. He said, "Don't turn it up too loud, because I want to be able to talk to you." and my heart flip flopped. He and I cuddled up on the couch and he put his arm around me. It was really nice. There's just something really exciting about cuddling up with someone for the first time. You get to break down barriers and feel each others' skin. You get to allow your fingertips to trace theirs and feel the back of their hand. It was a little bit exhilarating to feel Dean's fingers brushing over the skin on my cheek, and then slowly down my arms. 

Our heads were pressed close. We were both tilting towards each other and then we kissed. I was caught up in this perfect moment between him and me. Even though the bar was set pretty high for him, Dean didn't disappoint. When two people kiss and you're able to read each other's movements, it's really enjoyable. I haven't experienced that in a while. He and I just worked together. It was a really good make out. You want to know something about quiet boys? They're the aggressive kissers. I dig it. 

So Dean and I kissed pretty quick. It's given us a bit of pause and something to think about. However, I like him. I'm not ready to give up on the possibility of something just yet. I don't know what will happen. He's pretty closed off. I hope I can break him out of his shell and really get him to tell me what he's thinking and feeling, rather than just getting vague answers. I don't want to waste my time, but I don't want to give up. 

I'm starting to think that I really suck at this whole dating thing.