Crazy Stupid Love

Let me preface this post by saying if you are going to criticize me and call me an idiot, maybe you should stop reading my blog.

I realize I'm a frustrating person to follow, probably because I'm a follow-your-heart-without-thinking type of person. But guess what? This is my blog. This isn't fiction. These stories come from my life. Yeah, I make a lot of stupid decisions, but there are some things that this blog can't adequately portray. I don't know how to make you understand the way my heart and my head clash, yet work together. I write things in a way that get  the events across and keep my voice in the writing, but I don't put everything on here. You aren't completely inside my head.

I'm sure most of you have an ex you still think about. That one previous love that has a hold on you that you can't quite explain. Yeah, they suck. Yeah, you're no longer together. Yeah, you know you're better off without them. All the same, you still miss them. Guess what? LOVE MAKES PEOPLE STUPID.

You know where this is going, right? You know this is leading back to Kirk. I know, I know. Cue the groans. You're all ready to grab torches and pitch forks and go hunt Kirk the Monster down. I get you. You're an outside party witnessing me returning time and time again to the same disaster, and you're really upset. I get that. Y'all have my back and that's great. I really appreciate that you're concerned and that you all hate Kirk.

Maybe I am an idiot. Maybe I'm in love. Maybe I'm too forgiving. Maybe I'm easily manipulated. Maybe maybe maybe. What I do know is that I'm a sucker. I KNOW. You think I drive you crazy?  have to live with myself. I drive myself crazy. All the time.

OKAY. So Kirk. WTF happened there?
I saw him on campus last weekend. He smiled and waved while I returned a look that clearly said, "DA FUH?" We were headed in different directions and he was in a hurry, so we didn't talk. But still, smile and wave? I'm pretty sure that's only okay if we're on good terms. Last time I checked he left me hanging. Again. I was irritated for a short while, but I let it go pretty quickly. I mean, come on. Why should I waste any more time thinking about Kirk? No reason. I decided before that night that I wasn't going to let him get in the way of my happiness. I pushed that encounter with him aside and set out to have a great weekend. And I did! It was fantastic. Moving on from Kirk.

HA! That lasted a whole whopping two days. Kirk just doesn't go away. He doesn't give up. Leaving it be and not worrying about it just isn't how Kirk and I work. No, Kirk texted me two days later asking to see me. I was super irritated, as you can guess, because going through this cycle with Kirk is exhausting. We made some tentative plans, but low and behold, Kirk never followed through. He explained later what had happened and that he still wanted to see me that day. Did that happen? Of course not. That would be way out of character for him.

The next day he asked to see me again. At this point I was so fed up with his flakiness and his lack of communication. Seriously? You're going to try AGAIN? I was kind of pissed. Yet, despite my expectations being at an all time low, I responded with this: "If you want to see me, it has to be today. I'm tired of being stood up."

Kirk didn't directly acknowledge what I said, but we made plans to see each other that night. He never confirmed the time, though, so I anticipated not seeing him. His MO is to make plans and then fall off the face of the planet, so you can imagine how surprised I was when I came home from a meeting to find Kirk in my living room.

To be continued...