There's a guy in one of my classes, who's name happens to also be Justin but we'll call him Jake in order to avoid confusion. Jake is nerdy, musical, tall and lanky. We're in a group together and our weekly meetings have sparked a bit of flirtatious banter between the two of us. We work hard and focus well, but later we bust into song, stand up and start dancing together. I don't know what it is about this skinny gamer dude, but he's adorable.
There's a catch, though. He's been married before. I don't know how to handle this. I know there's a lot to factor in about the individual situation, but it's not something I've encountered before so I don't know what to do. He's explained to me what happened and I understand why it ended and I agree that it was good that he ended it when he did, but I'm not sure if he gave it enough time. I'm hesitant to feed an infatuation with someone I'm not sure can really make something last.
And then there's the conversation we had about how he's not getting into a relationship right now, just dating a ton of different girls and avoiding settling down again. But hey, we had conversations about relationships! That means he's at least a little interested, right?
I'm such a mess. I don't want to like this guy, but I think I do. I think I'm really into this recently divorced, dorky guy I mostly only see at group meetings. But I really look forward to the group meetings (who looks forward to homework? seriously.) and I get super giggly around him. And he wants to go country dancing. With me.
Decisions, decisions. Blah.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
To Date Or Not To Date
I don't think I've posted once all semester about the guys who have been floating around in my life. Here's the shake down:
Nate: I've seen him twice since the weekend in Oregon and both times were kind of on accident. While I'm still into him and would love to see something more blossom there, I'm not going to put forth effort if he isn't doing his part. Sad, but oh well.
Justin: He's in my ward and he is a refreshing mixture of gorgeous and awkward. I don't know what it is about awkward that gets me, but when a guy is awkward but nice and personable, I can't resist. We spend quite a bit of time together, watching movies, going to Porter Park, doing whatever else comes to mind. Only thing, my roommate Bethany really likes him. So Justin is nothing, since I can't be the kind of girl I hate, dominating any male that comes into the picture. I'm settling with being Bethany's wingman. Woman. Wingwoman. Lemme tell you, I am a fantastic wingwoman.
Lastly we have Garrison: He's Justin's roommate and he is also a mixture of good looking and awkward, but it's a different kind than Justin. Garrison is more obliviously awkward and attractive while Justin is just a nervous talker and completely gorgeous. We spend almost the same amount of time together as Justin and I do, since they're roommates and we all kind of do everything together. When we go out and about, he's the one I kinda hang around more. This past weekend, however, Garrison called me out for not inviting him to a movie night. It wasn't my fault, really, since Justin usually tells his roommates what we're doing and then we go and do something, I don't even have Garrison's number to tell him about these things. Well, I didn't have it. Now I have it, since he insisted that I call or text him next time.
Really? I have to text you, attractive boy? I guess I can, if you insist...
Then he called me and asked me out to dinner last weekend. Initially I thought it was a casual thing, since he called and asked if both Bethany and I were free that night, but then he said, "I'm going to dinner in IF with Jason, so if you and Bethany or you and another roommate want to go, it'll be a date. I'll pay for you and everything and Jason will pay for whoever comes with you." Jason is another roommate of Justin and Garrison's, by the way.
I'm fairly certain my exact reaction to that was, "Hold up, this is a date?" Smooth, I know.
Bethany declined joining me on this double date because she thinks Jason is mucho awkward (he is, and not in an attractive way) and she's too in the clouds over Justin. I knew none of my other roommates would go and Melissa was out with her roommates. I had to turn down Garrison's offer, even though I really really really wanted to go. I don't know why it became my job to find Jason a date, but it was and it ruined my chance at a date with a guy I'm really kind of diggin'. Bummed.
Boys, don't be lame. If you want to go on a double date, don't make it her responsibility to find the other dude a date. And give her more than half an hours notice. Geeze.
Perhaps in the future Garrison will ask me out again to make up for the date that didn't happen.
My fate: To be the crazy cat lady
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Ya'll Rock
It took me a year to get to 1500 views.
It took me about two months to get 500 more views. You guys are awesome.
I've been really busy these past couple weeks, writing papers, taking tests, and soaking in as much of that beautiful sunshine as I can. I've been watching movies every weekend night with different boys, though nothing has truly been progressing. I've got a handful of ones I'm interested in (gotta keep my options broad, right?) but I haven't quite narrowed my sights on just one yet. I feel like I'm sixteen again and I have the luxury of taking my time.
But hey, when a cute guy asked me out to dinner last weekend, I didn't decline. ...Or did I?
Stay tuned for that story!
It took me about two months to get 500 more views. You guys are awesome.
I've been really busy these past couple weeks, writing papers, taking tests, and soaking in as much of that beautiful sunshine as I can. I've been watching movies every weekend night with different boys, though nothing has truly been progressing. I've got a handful of ones I'm interested in (gotta keep my options broad, right?) but I haven't quite narrowed my sights on just one yet. I feel like I'm sixteen again and I have the luxury of taking my time.
But hey, when a cute guy asked me out to dinner last weekend, I didn't decline. ...Or did I?
Stay tuned for that story!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Out Of The Comfort Zone
Last Tuesday I was sitting in the Crossroads, just doing some homework before class, when the most gorgeous guy came and sat at the table next to me. I kid you not, my heart nearly stopped when he caught my eye and smiled. He was tall, dark, and so very handsome. He had on a plain white t-shirt and a rad blue watch. He slouched in his chair, munched on a granola bar (the regular Nature Valley. I love those), and set out to read his book. With my heart pounding and my face flushed, I began texting my roommate in feeble attempt to have her help me gain some confidence so I wouldn't let my window of opportunity pass me by.
He sneezed. I paused my studying to look at him, flash him a smile and say, "Bless you!" He smiled brightly back and retorted with, "Why thank you very much!" Despite having already received a lot of encouragement from my roommate, I still hadn't gotten up the nerve to actually talk to him. She suggested asking what he was reading, commenting on his watch, or simply saying hello and asking his name. Instead of making a move, I sat there, slowly sinking deeper and deeper into my chair, my heart pounding in my throat. I can be such a huge chicken in these kinds of situations.
I'm the kind of person who, if an idea crosses my mind, there's a short window of opportunity for taking action. I have to make a decision within a few minutes and then stick with it. If I keep playing scenarios in my head of the certain thing happening, that's for sure my answer that I have to do it. As a result of this attitude, I've done all sorts of things ranging from chopping off all my hair, to bungee jumping, to kissing certain boys that I like (which, by the way 9 out of 10 has gone spectacularly.) In this case, I could tell by the way my hands were shaking, the way I was talking to my roommate, and the burning in my cheeks that I had already resolved to make some sort of move on this guy, to push my limits and my comfort zone.
I did. I struck up a pleasant conversation and we talked until it was time for me to head off to class. Right as I was leaving I grabbed a scrap of paper and jotted down my number. I left it with him and told him to call me sometime. He took the paper, smiled that dazzling smile, and said he would. He hasn't called and I don't really think he will, but I'm not really torn up about it. I'm more proud of myself than anything else. I had the guts, I did it.
I'm such a boss.
He sneezed. I paused my studying to look at him, flash him a smile and say, "Bless you!" He smiled brightly back and retorted with, "Why thank you very much!" Despite having already received a lot of encouragement from my roommate, I still hadn't gotten up the nerve to actually talk to him. She suggested asking what he was reading, commenting on his watch, or simply saying hello and asking his name. Instead of making a move, I sat there, slowly sinking deeper and deeper into my chair, my heart pounding in my throat. I can be such a huge chicken in these kinds of situations.
I'm the kind of person who, if an idea crosses my mind, there's a short window of opportunity for taking action. I have to make a decision within a few minutes and then stick with it. If I keep playing scenarios in my head of the certain thing happening, that's for sure my answer that I have to do it. As a result of this attitude, I've done all sorts of things ranging from chopping off all my hair, to bungee jumping, to kissing certain boys that I like (which, by the way 9 out of 10 has gone spectacularly.) In this case, I could tell by the way my hands were shaking, the way I was talking to my roommate, and the burning in my cheeks that I had already resolved to make some sort of move on this guy, to push my limits and my comfort zone.
I did. I struck up a pleasant conversation and we talked until it was time for me to head off to class. Right as I was leaving I grabbed a scrap of paper and jotted down my number. I left it with him and told him to call me sometime. He took the paper, smiled that dazzling smile, and said he would. He hasn't called and I don't really think he will, but I'm not really torn up about it. I'm more proud of myself than anything else. I had the guts, I did it.
I'm such a boss.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Apologies
I've been absentee, I know. I'm sorry!
You wouldn't believe how busy I've been these past two weeks. I'm rather surprised that I've managed to maintain my sanity and a sort of regular sleep schedule...
Anyway, I've been around. I've been keeping the blog in mind, I've got some posts brewing. Just wait until the weekend, when I can breathe a little.
You wouldn't believe how busy I've been these past two weeks. I'm rather surprised that I've managed to maintain my sanity and a sort of regular sleep schedule...
Anyway, I've been around. I've been keeping the blog in mind, I've got some posts brewing. Just wait until the weekend, when I can breathe a little.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
DTRs and Formal Dates
I had a very interesting, very lengthy conversation with a friend last night. He came to me with some lady issues and oh my, the discussion that ensued. I was beyond frustration with this kid.
He told me he's into one of my roommates. I don't blame him, she's gorgeous and so fun to be around. He wants to get to know her, but claims that he doesn't want to take her on a date. He wants to see if she'll hang out or go on a walk. Basically he wants to be lazy and go on a date without actually having to put forth effort. He wants to be lazy and not step up to the plate. Why not take the girl on a date? Because "dating is like dumpster diving." How is this? He doesn't want the formality of a date just like I don't want to go dumpster diving. It makes very little sense to me.
How is this a problem for my friend? You see, girls need to be wooed. Correct me if I'm wrong, but there comes a point in the friendship between a guy and a girl when it's either going to go towards the friendzone or a relationship. If a guy insists on just 'hanging out' instead of putting forth the effort to make it a little bit more, the girl is going to interpret that as friendzoning. If a guy decides to actually put forth the effort ad asks the girl on a date, most likely she's going to be giddy and excited and realize there's potential for something more. Guys-This doesn't mean you have to make some grand plan, call the girl, and specify that it's a date, just make sure she knows that you're setting aside time to spend with just her. Girls love that cheesy, romantic stuff. Don't underestimate the power of a formal date.
After a long time of talking with him, I figured out that this festering crush isn't even his problem, it's just one of his distractions from his real problem. He wants to date this girl that he's super into and he knows she's into him. He's a handsome, cocky, young fellow with a go-getter attitude. Shouldn't be hard, right? Wrong. He wants to complicate things by not wanting to "put all his eggs in one basket." He'll deny it if you ask him, but he's terrified of rejection. He knows this girl likes him and he really, really likes her, but he doesn't want to commit because he doesn't want to be played.
Boys. There is a simple fix for this fear of being played: DTR. Define The Relationship. Yes, I know it's easier to just avoid defining the relationship all together and just allow things to take their natural course. It's nice to not have to worry about the pressure, but sometimes it's necessary. In my friend's case, he's scared that this girl will play him by dating other guys while still occasionally hanging out with and kissing him. It's a legitimate fear, considering that girls and guys alike at BYUI are often under the impression that if you haven't had a DTR, you're not exclusive and therefore don't owe your commitment to anyone. If he doesn't want to have that fear, he needs to step it up and make sure she knows he wants her to be just his. Sad that we've come to this, but that's why DTRs are so important. It makes it clear that the two people want to be with just each other, dating others isn't an option.
If my friend says to this girl, "I really like you. I want to date you and only you." She'll get the picture and she'll either choose to commit and be his girlfriend or she'll peace out and allow him to move on and not waste his time. There will be those girls (and guys) who'll say, "Oh, I don't know what we are, but I like it, so let's just keep it this way for now." I don't think people ought to get away with this. This is a cop out, allowing them to sit in the zone of no commitment while still getting the benefits of a relationship, yet often times they still think it's okay to go out with other people. The "I don't know" stage shouldn't even exist.
Moral of the conversation? Step up and do the old fashioned thing. Our society is so hung up on how not to date properly but still want a traditional dating relationship and it's driving me crazy.
He told me he's into one of my roommates. I don't blame him, she's gorgeous and so fun to be around. He wants to get to know her, but claims that he doesn't want to take her on a date. He wants to see if she'll hang out or go on a walk. Basically he wants to be lazy and go on a date without actually having to put forth effort. He wants to be lazy and not step up to the plate. Why not take the girl on a date? Because "dating is like dumpster diving." How is this? He doesn't want the formality of a date just like I don't want to go dumpster diving. It makes very little sense to me.
How is this a problem for my friend? You see, girls need to be wooed. Correct me if I'm wrong, but there comes a point in the friendship between a guy and a girl when it's either going to go towards the friendzone or a relationship. If a guy insists on just 'hanging out' instead of putting forth the effort to make it a little bit more, the girl is going to interpret that as friendzoning. If a guy decides to actually put forth the effort ad asks the girl on a date, most likely she's going to be giddy and excited and realize there's potential for something more. Guys-This doesn't mean you have to make some grand plan, call the girl, and specify that it's a date, just make sure she knows that you're setting aside time to spend with just her. Girls love that cheesy, romantic stuff. Don't underestimate the power of a formal date.
After a long time of talking with him, I figured out that this festering crush isn't even his problem, it's just one of his distractions from his real problem. He wants to date this girl that he's super into and he knows she's into him. He's a handsome, cocky, young fellow with a go-getter attitude. Shouldn't be hard, right? Wrong. He wants to complicate things by not wanting to "put all his eggs in one basket." He'll deny it if you ask him, but he's terrified of rejection. He knows this girl likes him and he really, really likes her, but he doesn't want to commit because he doesn't want to be played.
Boys. There is a simple fix for this fear of being played: DTR. Define The Relationship. Yes, I know it's easier to just avoid defining the relationship all together and just allow things to take their natural course. It's nice to not have to worry about the pressure, but sometimes it's necessary. In my friend's case, he's scared that this girl will play him by dating other guys while still occasionally hanging out with and kissing him. It's a legitimate fear, considering that girls and guys alike at BYUI are often under the impression that if you haven't had a DTR, you're not exclusive and therefore don't owe your commitment to anyone. If he doesn't want to have that fear, he needs to step it up and make sure she knows he wants her to be just his. Sad that we've come to this, but that's why DTRs are so important. It makes it clear that the two people want to be with just each other, dating others isn't an option.
If my friend says to this girl, "I really like you. I want to date you and only you." She'll get the picture and she'll either choose to commit and be his girlfriend or she'll peace out and allow him to move on and not waste his time. There will be those girls (and guys) who'll say, "Oh, I don't know what we are, but I like it, so let's just keep it this way for now." I don't think people ought to get away with this. This is a cop out, allowing them to sit in the zone of no commitment while still getting the benefits of a relationship, yet often times they still think it's okay to go out with other people. The "I don't know" stage shouldn't even exist.
Moral of the conversation? Step up and do the old fashioned thing. Our society is so hung up on how not to date properly but still want a traditional dating relationship and it's driving me crazy.
- Read Dating Vs Hanging Out
- Have a DTR
- Don't take "I don't know" for an answer
- Remember: It's sad but true, just because someone is kissing you doesn't mean they're dating you. Don't be fooled by that false security.