Somewhere in all the mess of things I have to get done, I've found myself blessed with small and simple things. For example, last week I was sitting in sacrament meeting listening to the speakers while playing words with friends on my phone (am I the only one who finds it easier to listen while doing something else?) when I got a text from an unknown 208 number that said, "Nathan said you would entertain me during Sunday school." Right then I made a mental note to bake cookies or something for Nathan because that was most definitely a text from Eli. Day made? Just about. We talked briefly about church and callings before I went home and crashed. This past week I've texted with Eli a bit, turning up the flirting. It's a good start. It's not the biggest breakthrough I've had, but it's something to begin laying a solid foundation.
About a week and a half ago there was an incident with Wade where he started talking to me then up and disappeared mid conversation. I called him out on doing that all the time. I'm worth more than that, you know? I don't think that, especially after the kind of friendship we built, I should be treated like any friend that can be ditched out on whenever he feels like it. I think that's the number one thing that bugs me about the situation with him. I don't think about him pretty much at all anymore. I don't feel like I need his affection or attention, but I damn well deserve some respect as a woman he once cared for and claims he still has feelings for.
Nothing he says about the situation makes sense. He said, "I thought you were okay with being friends," which is true, I just though friends meant a little more to him than just having conversations about a TV show or a band he likes. He got me to a point where I opened up to him about a lot of the hurt I felt when Tyson crushed me (almost a year ago to the day, by the way) but now he acts like that level of talking is above our level of friendship. In trying to convey that, I think he thought that I was trying to figure out why we won't work as a couple. He started talking about the distance and how he can't do it. He said, "What do you want me to do? What can I do to make this better? How can I make this work?"
I don't want to date Wade. I've seen what a disaster and confused wreck he is when it comes to distance. I've seen how he's indecisive and unwilling to commit to something serious. So no, I'm not looking for a boyfriend out of him. I do, however, think I deserve more than a text every ten days.
Time for a man, not a boy.
This is Tom Hardy, in honor of This Means War, which I saw this week.
What a babe.
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