Greetings from Vacation!

Whilst lounging on the beach and perusing the interwebs today I came across an article called Why You Are Wrong For Me which I find to be both fabulous and empowering. The author, Kat George, starts off by listing off reasons she and the receiver of the article are right for each other. The turning point comes when she says, "I could go on but I don't want to bore you . . . I shouldn't have to convince you."

The rest of the article talks about why he is wrong for her and I feel like she's writing the words I haven't been able to find. It's great. And you know what? It makes me feel okay with the relationships I've been in, or even the ones that haven't even happened despite wanting them, because it makes me realize that those guys were all wrong for me. I shouldn't have to convince him. Kat said it best: "If you were right for me we'd already be together, because that's what happens when people are right for each other."

Happy last few days of Spring Break, everyone!  I look like a tomato, but it burns so good.

End of the semester message

As much as I hate white glove, I'd rather get on my hands and knees and scrub the toilet bowl until it sparkles than spend $35 to have Idaho White Glove cleaning crew half-ass the job. One time I moved into an apartment where the previous tenants had paid to have Idaho White Glove clean it and I was greeted by moldy veggies and juice stains in the fridge, dead bugs on every windowsill and a DIRTY SOCK (and a ton of huge crumbs) in a kitchen drawer.

My parents raised me to know how to clean. I don't care if my hands become completely leatherized and dried out beyond oblivion from cleaning products, my apartment will SHINE at the end of white glove.

SUCK IT, IDAHO WHITE GLOVE. You're expensive and you do a crappy job.

I'm going to California for the break between semesters. I'm going to soak in the sunshine and warm weather. See you in a week, Rexburg!

Why I've Sworn Off Dating

Bad news for you guys: I've sworn off dating for the rest of my time at BYU-Idaho. I'll try and keep the blog lively, but I can't say I'm going to seek out dates or men to be interested in. "Why's that, Leslie?" You might ask. I'll tell you why.

I graduate in July. I am ONE semester away from being free from Rexburg. Don't get me wrong, I love Rexburg and BYU-Idaho, but after being here for as long as I have, I'm ready to leave this place. I'm ready to GTFO! I'm 23, okay? There are too many boys at this school who just want to play the field and not commit to anything real. Also, there are too many fresh off the mission RMs. And tools. And short dudes. The list goes on. Sorry if I offend, men, it's just what I've observed.

Besides, what happens if I start dating a guy at BYU-Idaho before July? I'll tell you what'll happen: We'll date. We'll fall in love. We'll get married and I'll be stuck in Rexburg FOREVER. Or just another year or two, but that's a year or two TOO LONG.

Can't do it. Nope.

Here's my game plan for the next semester: Flirt, date if asked out, live life to the fullest, maybe make out with someone if the opportunity presents itself and I'm feeling it. Goal for next semester: Don't fall in love. DO NOT FALL IN LOVE!

And you know what? I'M OKAY WITH MY COUCH AND NETFLIX

Conference: My Thoughts

You know that moment during General Conference when the Spirit seems to be telling the speaker the exact words you need to hear?  For me, that moment came with pretty much ALL of President Uchtdorf's talk about the healing power of the light of Christ.

The past six months have been critical in my growth and development and, ultimately, my preparation for the rest of my life. I've experienced a myriad of trials, some of which were the darkest periods of my life. President Uchtdorf acknowledged that these times come into every life, as we're all here to experience mortality and part of mortality is darkness and trials. At one point in his talk he said that the light of Christ can penetrate any darkness. There is hope in any trial, in any depth of darkness, no matter how bleak things become.

President Uchtdorf's was the boost of hope that I needed. It was the reminder of God's love for his children, a reminder that we are not alone, a reminder that things get better if we turn to him, no matter where we are. His words resonate with me, filling my soul with light and hope and a reinvigorated desire to turn to him more often. It is so easy to feel bogged down by life and darkness. It is so easy to think pessimistically. Despite all of that, despite that it's so easy to be discourage, the light and truth of the Gospel is there. Christ wants to suround us in the hope of the Gospel. He wants to warm us with hope. He wants to invade our dark times with light that is undeniable, that will bring happiness, that will lighten our burdens.

Such a great talk. I can't wait until the transcript is online.

Also, just heard from Elder Holland. THAT.WAS.AWESOME.

I love this Church. I love my Savior. I love you.

A Tiny Flame

Here's the post where I say DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME.

I have an iPhone.
I downloaded the Tinder when it first started getting really popular.
I sometimes get on it for an ego boost, even though it's so shallow and frivolous.
The ONLY people I've instigated conversation with on Tinder have been guys I already know and it's been purely to make fun of the app. That doesn't mean guys haven't messaged me, though.

One guy in particular has been really persistent. Tim started out just messaging me asking simple questions but then he got progressively more flirty. Tinder tells you what friends you have in common on facebook and one of our mutual friends was Sammie, so I inquired. "Oooh, watch out for him," She told me, "He's the kind of guy who takes you on one date and then thinks you're soulmates." For this reason alone I made him wait weeks before getting my phone number.

I'm such a wimp, you guys. I have a really hard time saying no and shutting guys down, even when I'm not interested. I mean, with Sam I've had to give him the complete cold shoulder in order to get him to get the picture that I don't want to date him. Tim was persistent in asking me out on a date, even when I was wildly busy two weeks in a row. I was legitimately busy, not made up excuses busy. Finally when I was free, he didn't even wait until the weekend. No, he arranged for a Tuesday night date.

I was a little nervous. Sammie had adequately scared me into thinking that Tim was weird and overbearing. From our conversations I got that he was surprisingly confident and a little cocky, but I wasn't completely put off. However, he's one of those guys that asks really bold questions (IE: Are you interested in me? Can i send you shirtless pictures?) and that's a little off putting, especially when you haven't actually met me. C'mon, bro. Have some class. I had class going on this date. I dressed it up with a cute spring skirt and cardigan duo, paired with some cute high heels. Maybe it's just because I had a ton of time that day to get ready, but dang I looked good.

When he knocked on the door I opened it and immediately regretted my decision to wear high heels. I towered over Tim. Like, a good four inches taller than him. Normally with friends who come to me complaining about guys being shorter than them I'd say, "It's not a huge deal, especially because I was wearing 2.5 inch heels. That's not a big height difference" but I'm 5'2. Even without my high heels on I would be taller than Tim. TALLER THAN HIM AT FIVE FOOT TWO. That's a short dude.

"Maybe it'll be really fun and it won't matter!" I thought. Truthfully, the date itself wasn't bad. We had a lot of fun and the conversation wasn't bad. Tim is definitely less awkward in person than he is over text messaging. For the he was a gentleman, but I think he wasn't expecting to open my car door when we arrived at the resturaunt. I just sat there and waited for him to get out of the car. I'm a traditionalist; I want doors opened for me. Eventually he got it and he opened the door for me. Thanks, Tim. What a champ.

Overall the date was unremarkable. Neither stellar nor terrible. I just couldn't get over how short he was! I knew I wouldn't go on a second date. Sorry, but I can't date a guy who's shorter than me. Too short, man. Too short.

The Real Story

Gotcha!

Not engaged, not even remotely close. I had fun typing up that post, though. I figured more of you would have called me out. At least one person told me to run away. You guys really think Kirk is worth it? Hardly.

What really happened yesterday? I saw Kirk on campus twice. We walked by each other outside and then again in the library. Both times I knew I wasn't going to stop him, but after the second time I was furious. He had glanced at me and smiled and that just pissed me off. He has no right to think he can use and drop me the way he did and then look at me and smile. 

Not EVER. 

Now, I admit that I was filled with this sense of 'I cannot be beat' and 'He needs to know how horrible he is' so I whipped out my phone and sent a text. I acknowledged that I'd seen him both times and I told him that I thought the way he treated me was awful. He didn't respond until I had already gone to sleep that night. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the text and I couldn't fall back asleep until I responded. His response infuriated me. 

See what I mean? If I had a dollar for every time Kirk said he was sorry to me, I would be a pretty rich woman. He's said it so much without actually putting any action or sense of remorse behind the word that it's become meaningless. The things he says are truly empty. If he were to act on his words, then maybe I would have come to believe him. But no, he just says things and stays the same awful person. What does "animal" even mean? Why use quotation marks? I don't get it.

That's what really happened with Kirk. It was petty of me to send that text, it was me trying to stir things of the past up. I have a little bit of regret when I look at that, but at the same time I also feel pretty proud of myself for telling him what I really think of him. He graduates this semester and I'll be pretty glad he'll be gone forever, without any chance of running into him on campus again. 

I just want to be able to let it go completely. It's exhausting to keep revisiting the past.

Don't Wake Me From This Dream

For those of you who don't follow my twitter account you don't know that last night I got a most unexpected phone call. Kirk called. He said he made a big mistake. He misses me. He got scared ad bolted. He didn't know how to explain what he felt, but he wanted a chance to explain it now that he'd had some time to think about it and process it and get his ducks in a row.

Today I decided to wing it and go out to lunch with him just to hear him out and boy was I in for a surprise. He picked me up at the round about by the MC, getting out of the car with a giant boquet of red roses. Now, I haven't gotten flowers from a guy in quite some time. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head, my mouth was hanging open, and my heart was racing a million miles a minute. All that was going through my head was, "WTF IS GOING ON HERE?" He smiled and handed me the roses, telling me they were for me. He hugged me awkwardly, because hugging with two dozen roses in your arms is difficult. He opened the car door, helped me in, and then we were off to get something to eat, or so I thought. Instead of taking me out to Costa Vida, which was the plan we made last night, he drove me to Smith Park.

Kirk had packed a picnic lunch and brought a blanket. We sat in the beautiful sunshine and ate and talked. Some of it was a littl heated, considering how upset I have been with his treatement of me and he kept saying how sorry he was, how he never meant to hurt me. It was all such a blur, I can't even remember the specifics from our conversation.

Then he told me to stand up. I was confused, mind full of all of his apologies, heart tired from this rollercoaster and he ws demanding I stand up. I stood up and all of the sudden Kirk was on one knee in front of me, reaching out for my hand. My heart jumped up into my throat and somehow I managed to say, "Kirk, what are you doing?" The next thing I knew, he was pulling out a little blue box, opening it. "Leslie," he said, "Leslie, I know I've hurt you. I know I've done stupid things, I've been an idiot. I can't tell you how sorry I am, I can't take it back. I'm in love with you. Marry me, Leslie."

You guys.
I'm engaged!

Edit::  Here's the ring! Don't mind my shoddy nail polish.